Boating is...by boatguy Ed Fort Myers Beach is a satirical site!

Cracker Bob is so sensitive about being insensitive. "These bastards think they own the place. Well, just remember that summer is coming!" "Calm down, Bob. It's Christmas week and most of them will be gone next Thursday," said Texarkana Hannah as we stood outside Marti's Restaurant today. "Hardly any locals," said Bob dejectedly. "I ain't coming back here until May." "They need a better waiting area. That's for sure," said Cap'n Crunch as he stood on the sidewalk and pressed his nose against the window. "Being rude won't make them eat any faster, Crunchie," I admonished him but he doesn't listen to anyone. "There are single people sitting at 4 top tables. I hate Snowbirds," said Crunchie. Just then a really old woman being held up by two pretty old people came out the door. Behind them were two waitress' shouting the man's name carrying items. They we...

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM ALL OF US AT THE 'DEAD END CANAL YACHT CLUB' Boatguy Ed ( boatguiEd@aol.com ) is the manufacturer of the worlds BEST anti-fouling bottom paint,  www.supershipbottom.com ....  Former Producer, Director, Co-Star and the guy who swept up on the "Boating Show" 1995 to 2000.  Producer/Director/Editor of "Dining out SWFL" and "Boater's Treasures TV." TWEET me @boatguyed and a corresponding web site is  http://www.boatingbyboatguyed.com/  ........ NEVER, EVER TRY TO BUY HIM A DRINK! This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.  Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Keep sending those great questions and comments to boatguiEd@aol.com.

http://blog.soundingsonline.com/loose-cannon/2013/12/18/the-other-handshake/ President Obama shook the hand of Cuban leader Raul Castro at Nelson Mandela’s funeral and set off a speculative gabfest among the taking heads. Meanwhile, another bit of Cuba news, which I would argue may be related to the handshake, was being slowly disseminated to the boating world — and receiving scant notice. Last month, Cuba issued Decree 314, which lengthened the amount of time that a foreigner can keep a boat in Cuba from one to five years, renewable if approved by the boat’s Cuban marina staff. In other words, an American boater can keep a vessel in Cuban waters for as long as 10 years without having to take it out and come back. The owner, meanwhile, could come and go by other means, keeping the boat at a marina. The Cuban government at the same time announced that the 5 percent import tax on foreign boats, formerly levied after 365 days, had been abandoned.

http://www.soundingsonline.com/dispatches/291482-video-look-out-below

Reducing Dock Anxiety https://www.quantumsails.com/news/index.php/archives/1918 Boatguy Ed ( boatguiEd@aol.com ) is the manufacturer of the worlds BEST anti-fouling bottom paint,  www.supershipbottom.com ....  Former Producer, Director, Co-Star and the guy who swept up on the "Boating Show" 1995 to 2000.  Producer/Director/Editor of "Dining out SWFL" and "Boater's Treasures TV." TWEET me @boatguyed and a corresponding web site is  http://www.boatingbyboatguyed.com/  ........ NEVER, EVER TRY TO BUY HIM A DRINK! This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.  Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Keep sending those great questions and comments to boatguiEd@aol.com.

Sunday morning was a very ugly start to a beautiful day. The Boat Parade and the football games were nearly beyond our endurance. The “Dead End Canal Yacht Club” passed on official entries in the parade but there were several individual entries. Boston Bob's sailboat, Erie Earl's pocket Trawler etc. None of our entries won any prizes. We think it was fixed. Since the boat parade started at the Big Game Waterfront Grill our 'DECDYC' members decided to forgo the 'Pukin Pelican' for the evening and watch the championship NCAA football games and the start and finish of the Christmas Parade there. The place is huger than the Pelican but it wasn't near big enough. We may have started to early but we knew it would be crowded. That was the understatement of the decade. We were able to get a couple tables to watch the second half of the #3 Auburn versus #5 Mizou for the SEC Championship. Then the really crowed sports bar got REALLY crowded when the Chri...

Coast Guard does it again with the help of Fish and Wildlife http://www.soundingsonline.com/dispatches/291422-video-adrift-with-5-kids-on-board

FOR THE VISUALLY  IMPAIRED http://youtu.be/NCI9I0NbHLA Boating Saturday November 30 th was a day that will live in infamy according to our “Dead End Canal Yacht Club” members from Alabama. So infamous that very few of our members have prepped their boats for the Fort Myers Beach Christmas Boat Parade. It takes a lot of work to ready a normally 'normal' boat to light up like a Christmas tree. In years past, club members joined together to do the work on the Saturday before. College football proved more powerful than Santa Claus even for most of our Grand Children. Possibly, it was the allure and the immediacy of the forward pass or the 109 yard missed field goal return by Auburn over Alabama. Or the other dozen College football games that had our eyes glued to the big screen TV's around the canal OR the 'Pukin' Pelican.' Seven 'DECYC' boats plan to participate in the parade, Erie Earl has returned just to pilot his 32 foot pocket Trawler...

http://www.uscgnews.com/go/doc/4007/1992854/

We all hope all you followers had a great Thanksgiving! The 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' celebrated our behinds off. This is one of the few holidays we all stay home. Very little boating because so many visitors. Sure it was cool but several pools on the canal were filled with children, Canadian children I suspect. Even though Canadians celebrate their Thanksgiving, we have enough Canuk members and they never miss a party. Canuck used to be a bad word but lately they have embraced the slang. Canadians are tougher than we ever thought! All the usual suspects were on hand except Cap'n Crunch. He and his family spent Turkey day in the Keys at a resort he found in our aisle at the Fort Myers boat Show. He negotiated a package deal for two of his kids and families and he and the most patient lady in the world, his wife. Thursday morning saw a flury of activity at the clubhouse (my garage) where tables were erected, chairs placed and festive table cloths spread. It w...

The greatest “Dead End Canal Yacht Club” chili cook-off took place on Wednesday last. Every recent “Dead End Canal Yacht Club” chili cook-off is the greatest Fart-less Chili but this one set records for attendance and participants. The approaching cold front helped a lot because our members are better at predicting the weather than stone alcoholics*. *I worked on the railroad after the service and I worked with an Engineer who opened up about his ability to predict weather. “Nothing worries a drinker more than snow,” he said one night in the steel mill canteen, “if the snow shuts down the city, it could be days without a drink. So, we drinkers, develop a heightened sensitivity to the weather. Whenever snow is coming we have to stock up. It's the only time I have extra in my house.” Our club members may or may not be alcoholics like the Engineer but they don't have to worry about snow. After a hot summer, we all eagerly await the first sign of a chill so we can coo...

As Grouch Marx said, “I'd never belong to a club that would have me as a member!” Which was a very pointed way of resigning from the Hillcrest Country club. He was especially miffed because they wouldn't allow Jews in the pool. He also told his Granddaughter to only wade into the pool up to her navel because, “only asses use that pool!” The 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' doesn't have an 'official pool.' They could have swum in mine and I think Groucho would have been happy being a non-member. Of course the 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' isn't a fancy, pinky finger in the air, club. In fact the only other yacht club that has as much class, is the Ashtabula Yacht Club in the working harbor town, Ashtabula, Ohio. They had a coal tipple (conveyor) over the river near the club or they did have 40 years ago when I went through there. Our 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' is right in the middle of paradise. No coal conveyer and not one puts on the...

Having been conceived, born and forced to live throughout my formative years in Pennsyltucky, you would think that I would know exactly where that mythical area is? Yes, I know that isn't proper grammar but that is how they talk in Pennsyltucky. After thirty (30) years away from Pennsyltucky, I consider myself a 'state-less' person. I can't claim to be a Floridian because a native has to be born in this state. If I had my druthers, I would live on the Outer Banks of North Carolina during the summer months and Florida during the winter. So technically I wish to be considered a FLOBX. FL for Florida and OBX for Outer Banks. Not that I wish to totally disavow Pennsyltucky but I prefer not to identify with any specific state within the region. Pennsyltucky includes Pennsylvania, the good part of West Virginia, all of Ohio (sorry there isn't a good part), the lower half of Michigan, Indiana and Kentucky. If I've left anyone out, I apologize because Geogr...

2013 Fort Myers Fall Boat Show video http://youtu.be/uvSDvSWK9xw Boatguy Ed (  boatguiEd@aol.com )  is the manufacturer of the worlds BEST anti-fouling bottom paint,  www.supershipbottom.com ....  Former Producer, Director, Co-Star and the guy who swept up on the "Boating Show" 1995 to 2000.  Producer/Director/Editor of "Dining out SWFL" and "Boater's Treasures TV." TWEET me @boatguyed and a corresponding web site is  http://www.boatingbyboatguyed.com/  ........ NEVER, EVER TRY TO BUY HIM A DRINK! This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.  Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Keep sending those great questions and comments to boatguiEd@aol.com.

About 5 years ago Hard Luck Hannah and Two Gun Texas Pete joined the 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club. They were out bid on a home foreclosure auction on the canal. She took it especially hard and branded herself when she exclaimed, “Gull-durn it, that's always our luck!” Texas Pete was a lay-minister/fisherman/shrimper so they don't swear, much. The club felt so bad that we immediately accepted them as new social members, they couldn't be full members because they don't live on the canal. They bought a house on an adjoining canal and Pete bought a small bait seiner boat. He is a handy guy to know if you fish live bait. Hard Luck Hannah was a Texas school teacher for about 30 years. “I took the buy-out and reduced pension 'cause we needed to eat after the 'cane took Pete's boat!” “Not much of a pension but we got along with me working the oil fields. Finally we got the insurance check, sold our ranch and came to Florida to be near Hannah'...

Boating is...by boatguy Ed: Boat Flips Amazing 1 1/2 times Boatguy Ed (  boatguiEd@aol.com )  is the manufacturer of the worlds BEST anti-fouling bottom paint,  www.supershipbottom.com ....  Former Producer, Director, Co-Star and the guy who swept up on the "Boating Show" 1995 to 2000.  Producer/Director/Editor of "Dining out SWFL" and "Boater's Treasures TV." TWEET me @boatguyed and a corresponding web site is  http://www.boatingbyboatguyed.com/  ........ NEVER, EVER TRY TO BUY HIM A DRINK! This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.  Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Keep sending those great questions and comments to boatguiEd@aol.com.

Great work gals and guys of the U.S. Coast Guard! http://www.uscgnews.com/go/doc/4007/1957342/

http://www.uscgnews.com/go/doc/4007/1960730/ Boatguy Ed (  boatguiEd@aol.com )  is the manufacturer of the worlds BEST anti-fouling bottom paint,  www.supershipbottom.com ....  Former Producer, Director, Co-Star and the guy who swept up on the "Boating Show" 1995 to 2000.  Producer/Director/Editor of "Dining out SWFL" and "Boater's Treasures TV." TWEET me @boatguyed and a corresponding web site is  http://www.boatingbyboatguyed.com/  ........ NEVER, EVER TRY TO BUY HIM A DRINK! This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.  Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Keep sending those great questions and comments to boatguiEd@aol.com.

What a Veterans Day! Jersey Jeff took delivery of his brand new Tri-Toon last week and she's all they said it would be. We loaded 10 Dead-enders on to it and didn't complain a bit. We decorated 'Toony Toons" with bunting and flags for a one boat parade around the island. The Club consists of half veterans and half draft dodgers who were represented by Cap'n Crunch and Run-aground Ralph. They never miss a boat ride especially if they aren't paying for the gas. We left from Jersey Jeff's dock around ten thirty in the morning and headed south along the back side of the beach. Several other boats sounded their horns in salute and we hooted and hollered like we were kids coming home from war. This was a long delayed home coming for those of us that were denied a celebration in the 60's and early 70's.  "Let's get around to the 'Hawiian Hotel' and get the party started," said Cleveland Jack. "We're just stop...

Times have changed, literally! Good by daylight savings time and hello darkness, my old friend. Sorry for the rip-off Simon and Garfunkel but I doubt 5 words constitute plagiarism. Anyway, it gets dark real early now. Which makes it hard for our designated driver, 'The Reverend' to drive our boat home. A slight case of night blindness means he wants to be off the water by 7pm at the latest. “We're all old,” said Wyoming Bill, “I don't see that well in the dark either but together we can make our way home.” “The lighthouse at the end of the canal doesn't come on until 8 now because Hippie Joe doesn't know how to reset the timer,” said Cap'n Crunch. “I'll have my Son reset the darned thing,” I said. “I hate having to cut short happy hour because of such a simple thing.” “Joe don't want nobody in his house,” said Cleveland Jack. “Probably has one or two bedrooms full of pot plants.” “Why the hell did he buy that house if he wa...

by boatguy Ed “Let's go to the Naples Boat Show tomorrow,” Tangueray Tom said Friday night over his gin and tonic. “I'm feeling the need for a road trip!” “Not much of a road trip. Why don't we wait for a month and do the Miami Boat show,” answered Commodore Jim. “Now that's a boat show!” We discussed it over lunch and then happy hour and finally decided to gather the odds and ends of the willing members and go to the boat show on Saturday. Even “Evil Knievel Harry” wanted to come so we loaded his 'scooter' into the back of my truck and off we went. A total of eleven members including Harry arrived at the corner of Goodlette-Frank and the East Tamiami Trail (41) just after 11 am. We gathered around Harry's scooter and moved in unison through the entrance and inside the tent. As we entered the show several attendees commented on our matching blue windbreakers with the ''Dead End Canal Yacht Club” burgee over our hearts. A few members spor...

Last week the club had a great Saturday. Did some fishing and ate a fried Mullet breakfast at the Waterfront Restaurant in St. James City, Pine Island, Florida. I did some maintenance on my engine and took the whole family for a ride. Later, we watched volley ball at the Pukin' Pelican. That was when we noticed Sgt. Dave's girlfriend's Corrine's new figure . “Hey Dave,” Cleveland Jack inquired, “is that Corrine serving out there?” “Yeah sure, don't you recognize her?” Sgt. Dave had a 'cat that ate the mouse grin on his lips. Jack squinted hard because his laser eye correction surgery has worn out. “Man, she looks different, good but different.” “I remember her being tall and thin like the rest of the volley ball types,” said Erie Earl. “Why don't you just come out and ask, huh,” said Dave. “Okay Dave, where did she get the double Ds,” I asked bluntly. “They aren't double D! She just got an upgrade at Doctor Boobs a few mo...

http://www.soundingsonline.com/dispatches/291290-video-a-new-day-for-sail-freight Boatguy Ed (  boatguiEd@aol.com )  is the manufacturer of the worlds BEST anti-fouling bottom paint,  www.supershipbottom.com . Former Producer, Director, Star and the guy who swept up on the "Boating Show" 1995 to 2000. Producer/Director/Editor of "Dining out SWFL" and "Boater's Treasures TV." TWEET me @boatguyed and a corresponding web site is  http://www.boatingbyboatguyed.com/  ........ NEVER, EVER TRY TO BUY HIM A DRINK! T his blog/column is meant for educational purposes only.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.  Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.  Keep sending those great questions and comments to boatguiEd@aol.com.

So the food sucks but the beer is cold? What's the difference? It's hard to justify going somewhere that isn't good. UPDATE; Sunday; Taste of Fort Myers drained the Pukin' Pelican's personnel resources. NFL football waits for no one so the Pelican was short staffed. Football Nut Wife and I secured two great seats at the bar in front of the six big screen TVs after the early games were over. We had a coupon for "Take $10 off $30 tab so we ordered appetizers. She got a Cobb salad and I threw caution to the wind by ordering wings. I never have much luck because I don't like them the way others do. "Wings, naked (no breading) Sudden Death (very hot) and not crispy, please," I said without having any expectation of getting them that way. Ten minutes went past before the food arrived. The Cobb salad was normally good BUT the wings were GREAT! Perfectly cooked, crispy on the outside, succulent on the inside and hotter/spicier than normal hot Buff...

"Do you know the way to San Jose?” Or anywhere out of LA? My Son, Chris and I flew from Fort Myers to Chicago on American Airlines (AA) which is like reaching over your shoulder to scratch your ass. Go north to go west young man. Crowded, no leg room, skinny seats and old stewards (-ess) are my 1 st impression and lasting impressions. Rented van from off airport Van Rentals and was in the hotel by 9 pm LA time. Beer at hotel bar was six bucks. Went to bed. Slept well in the most ancient hotel in LA. Quaint doesn't come near to describing the mostly Mexican décor sprinkled with Chinese and Buddhist art work. Next morning I was up at dawn Fort Myers time, which is 4am LA time. No wifi in hotel so went to McDonald's and ate 1 st breakfast at 5. Second buffet breakfast at 7:30 in hotel lobby restaurant with brothers and wives was very good and reasonable. 'Where the f.... is the sun?' Downtown LA (we were right next to the Omni) has some real ...