Boating is...by boatguy Ed Fort Myers Beach is a satirical site!

  In response to a recent blog/column, I received a picture of the new 'Corazon Frisbee', the one year old queen of Cap'n Manny Lee's Marshall sloop sailboat named after her ; Captain Manny Lee and Corazon Frisbee are living large in the Florida Keys @ Bone Island Bob's private marina in Islamorada, Florida, mile marker 74.5. Private Charters aboard his boat from one to five passengers. Throwing the Frisbee for 'Sweetie Corazon' is no charge but remember she never quits just like her predecessor. For her birthday she received a new coconut (husk and all) along with a few other treats. The coconut husk is great dental floss. On your way through the Keys stop and say hello to Manny and Corazon. http://www.mannylee.com/index.html CAPTAIN McCLUSKY SAILING CHARTERS | 74540 Overseas Highway, Islamorada, FL 33036 | 281-508-7174

Prosperity Brings Out the Real Us? Sign just inside the front door of the 'Pukin' Pelican', “If you aren't on the bandwagon, the band is leaving you behind.” One of our canal residents and one former canal residents are reverting to their old selves. Let me explain, Digger used to live on the canal and was the original owner of “My 20%” but the “recession” of '08 did him in. His foreclosed house was purchased by an Architect from Chicago. The semi-retired 'Archie Architect' as we nicknamed him, rehabbed the house while he waited for work to come in. Archie and Digger became friends. There was some underlying resentment but they worked around it. Archie was even a leading candidate for the sixth partner in our communal boat. Digger helped Archie put down a new pool deck since both had so much time on their hands. Archie helped Digger negotiate with creditors and save his machines. All along both men expressed a distaste for President Obama. Th

http://gcaptain.com/sailboat-beat-bridge-loses-incident/

Ten years ago or so the original 'Cracker Bob' was in Ramrod Key diving for Florida Lobster when he developed an ear problem. He was in a lot of pain and a little off balance. Bringing his 18' Wahoo 'Offshore' back to Fort Myers Beach was unthinkable even though he'd taken this misnamed boat to Ramrod with his girl. 'CB' asked several employees of the now belated Compass Rose Marina for help. We mulled over the options. The easiest way would have been to rent a new trailer and go pick up the boat. Scott and I decided to go get the boat but not with a trailer. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5k-GlT0yPAg&feature=youtu.be "You know that water? Why don't we bring it back through the Everglades," Scott asked. It was an enticing idea since I'd never traversed the entire route from Flamingo to the Gulf, especially not in an 18 foot boat. I was familiar with 'Cracker Bob's' latest 'gift' boat. It had a Cat

Coast Guard urges boaters to be safe this lobster mini-season MIAMI — The Coast Guard is reminding the diving and boating community to be safe this lobster mini-season, which begins at 12:01 a.m. Wednesday and ends at midnight Thursday. The lobster mini-season brings a significant increase in the number of boaters and divers in Florida's coastal waters, which can also lead to an increase in accidents. See Safety Tips by clicking on link..... http://www.uscgnews.com/go/doc/4007/1857738/Coast-Guard-urges-boaters-to-be-safe-this-lobster-mini-season

Yesterday was the nicest day I can remember for a long time. I have short memory loss as you can tell. Seriously, the wind was up just enough to cool us off. It was from the Southwest but the seas weren't that rough so the club decided on a circumnavigation of Fort Myers Beach. Everybody wanted to take his/her own boat around the island. It's good exercise. Cap'n Crunch lead the way aboard his behemoth, Run-aground Ralph followed, Boston Bob left early in his sailboat and I and the Reverend were in the Bidison. Run-aground Ralph was with Hot Tamale, his next ex.  Several stragglers joined in but they were way back so we didn't bother with them. We had a nice slow ride from Mid-island to the (San Carlos) pass because of the Manatee zone and slow zones. We caught up with Boston Bob as he went under the lift bridge. All of us went through at the same time and marveled at how far south the pass end of the island had expanded. Most of us gave the sand a wide ber

The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald by Gordon Lightfoot tells a haunting tale. They started out in late October and the storms of November came early http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vST6hVRj2A

There is a scene in my favorite musical play/movie where Harve Presnell stares out of a tent and sings the song “They Call the Wind, Maria.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DrOqRQQ9mg Whenever a gloom shades my heart, I watch this movie. In this land of endless sunshine it only takes a series of rainy days to bring on this lowness. Much more easily than Northerners would suspect. In this mood I tried to invent a way to cheer up myself and any other depressed individuals. St. Patrick's Day in July is a holiday I came up with. I was trying to get some life on the beach. I and the rest of the 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' are tired of looking at the long faces of our favorite bartenders. This week long rain has killed the beach traffic by car and boat. Last Wednesday, July 17th, some of the 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' decided to dress up like Irish men and ladies to spice up our life. After all it is one of our favorite days of the year. The Reverend isn&

http://www.fredericknewspost.com/your_life/life_news_collection/human_interest/article_e682b43e-a00a-53ca-8688-260553ffd2bd.html Add one more thing duct tape is good for, boat building.

Hang the Bastard like they hung the girls! The ropes they use don't have stretch so the operator must keep track of the hours underload. Once the hours are exceeded the ropes can break w/o warning and that is what often occurs! News Release UPDATE: Coast Guard investigates parasail accident near the Commodore Condominiums in Panama City Beach PANAMA CITY, Fla. — The Coast Guard continues its investigation into the cause of a parasail accident that occurred off Panama City Beach July 1. While the investigation is still ongoing, investigators have made the following preliminary findings: Initial findings indicate that the severe weather encountered by the Why Knot, and the vessel's proximity to shore which was approximately 300 yards, were substantial factors in the Why Knot's loss of control of the parasail and the parasail's subsequent path of travel once separated from the vessel. While there are no regulations that prescribe specific weather paramet

Soundings Trade Only Collision kills two children on Michigan lake Posted on 16 July 2013 Two children are dead and another is in critical condition after a tube pulling the children on Sylvan Lake in Michigan was run over by another boat. Alex Mansour, 11, was pronounced dead on Sunday, and his sister Gabrielle Mansour, 6, died Monday. Their 10-year-old sister, Adriana Mansour, was in critical condition Monday evening at Beaumont Hospital in Royal Oak, the Detroit Free Press reported. The accident occurred as the children’s father was pulling them behind his personal watercraft and a 56-year-old boat operator collided with them. Oakland County Sheriff Michael Bouchard told the Free Press that the father was towing the children without a spotter, which is required by Michigan law. Cindee Rosenthal, who witnessed the accident, said the father was alone on the personal watercraft and was moving about 500 feet offshore, heading back toward his cottage. They were hit by a

The 16' Carolina skiff that capsized Tuesday off Deal Island sits in the elder John Riggs' driveway. (Photo: Jeremy Cox, The (Salisbury, Md.) Daily Times) http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2013/07/11/man-swims-five-hours-to-save-family/2508025/ I love stories with a happy ending and this is one of them. Sudden storms can pop up on the Chesapeake and the storm that capsized the Carolina Skiff must have been a beauty. She took on water and quickly went turtle, shell up. Three adults and three children went into the water. John Griggs, 46 swam 5 hours to shore. Some are calling him a hero. Thankfully, they all had life vests on. Six peope might be one or two over the limit. Buy a bigger boat!

This blog will be a continuing piece.... This is part 2. Part 1 is in small type. Part 1; A recent e-mail asked me how I got into the Bottom Paint business? This brought back a lot of memories, good and bad. In 1978 I was prospecting for clients for my Mfg Rep firm at the Tampa Boat show. As I combed the aisles I came upon a sad looking booth that was so 'busy' that it was hard to focus. There were signs everywhere packed so close together that my eyes couldn't make anything out. In one back corner sat Dodie Jones knitting away and in the other back corner sat her husband Jack Jones eating Sardines out of a can with Saltine crackers. He started to get up when he noticed me and I told him to finish his lunch, which he did. He must be the owner I thought and he must be some kind of mad scientist. Jack was well into his 70's then but he was clear thinking and very intelligent. Once I got him to speak English, I understood that he had a good product. The brief me

A recent e-mail asked me how I got into the Bottom Paint business? This brought back a lot of memories, good and bad. In 1978 I was prospecting for clients for my Mfg Rep firm at the Tampa Boat show. As I combed the aisles I came upon a sad looking booth that was so 'busy' that it was hard to focus. There were signs everywhere packed so close together that my eyes couldn't make anything out. In one back corner sat Dodie Jones knitting away and in the other back corner sat her husband Jack Jones eating Sardines out of a can with Saltine crackers. He started to get up when he noticed me and I told him to finish his lunch, which he did. He must be the owner I thought and he must be some kind of mad scientist. Jack was well into his 70's then but he was clear thinking and very intelligent. Once I got him to speak English, I understood that he had a good product. The brief meeting produced a gallon of red bottom paint for testing which I put on a test boat. Six months la

So I'm sitting at the Sunset Bar @ the Big Game Waterfront Grill and a guy walks up and says, "Why aren't you writing for the (Beach Observer/Bulletin) paper anymore?" I replied, kidding of course, that I had been fired but we all know that wasn't true. I explained that I had made disparaging remarks about a member of our club, the Nazis, every Pope living and or dead, especially Pope Pius XXII and the current Pope. An upper management skirt had called to say that they were changing directions and would I not send them anymore columns. I agreed. "Was it true? It was wasn't it," he replied. I offered to show him my research but he responded, "You're a columnist. You're funny! I've read you for nearly 10 years and I've never known you to write falsehoods." "I'm writing a boating blog about the beach and the usual dead end canal subjects. There is a lot going on," I said. He explained that they did

NTSB Intern Mistakenly Confirmed To KTVU Wrong Asiana Names. A very SICK prank. On Friday, an anchor for Oakland, California, station KTVU read a list of the supposed names of the pilots of the South Korean carrier on its noon broadcast after an employee apparently called the NTSB seeking to verify them. The names appear to mock the events of the crash. The prank names were: Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee F*k and Bang Ding Ow. KTVU anchor Tori Campbell later came back in the same newscast and told viewers the names "were not accurate despite an NTSB official ( high school intern ) in Washington confirming them late this morning." "We apologize for this error," she said. The news anchor read the names off the teleprompter and didn't bat an eye, adding that the information had been confirmed by the National Transportation Safety Board. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/13/us-ntsb-apologizes-for-asiana-intern_n_3590008.html?1373689707&am

The wind blew the rain sideways. The lightning and thunder blinded and deafened the old boatguy. It seemed that the storms were worse this year than the past dozen or so. He wondered what omen this heavy summer rain fore tolled. He went down the ladder and checked the bilge pumps, they were running fine and the scuppers were clear. The engines were purring along but he was soaked to the bone despite the dryness of the eisenglass curtains. His passengers were hiding down below safe and sound. They wanted fish and he put them right on them. They had a blast, caught fish, drank beer and hooted and hollered until the black clouds put a damper on their fun. Two of them were green with the 'big swallow.' The brain tells the swallow reflex to try to keep the contents of the stomach were it is. It doesn't work. The old boatguy wanted to tell those seasick to come on deck but realized they would be there shortly anyway. 'You'd think one of em would help me steer,

http://www.soundingsonline.com/dispatches/290650-video-out-of-control

It was a dark and stormy night. The wind pushed the sea up and as it stood, it bashed our little boat about. The Skipper called out for his first mate, "Johny, get the passengers into life vests, we can't take much more of this!" The wreckage was found on 'Barrel Key' a few days after the storm subsided. Several passengers managed to survive among the brush and scrub palms. A few bodies of other passengers were blown onto Ramrod Key. The stenciled name "Key's Lady" on the life vests alerted authorities of the disaster. There were many such rescues and near rescues during the storm of 1932. My name was Johny then, I drowned and returned as Ed. How do I know? In the still of the night I awaken like a shot from a nightmare about storms and 'Canes and boats breaking up. I love to scare the heck out of my Grand kids but they always want more..... "Grandpa will you throw another log on the fire. It's getting kind of dark..."

Rescue Coordination Center New Zealand searched the largest area it has ever covered but had found no trace of the wooden schooner Niña when the mission was called off. The search was suspended July 6 after 12 days and 737,000 square nautical miles covered — an area about eight times the size of New Zealand. John Seward, operations manager for the rescue center, said the search effort had comprehensively covered all areas where the yacht reasonably could have been expected to be found. “The search has been extremely thorough, and we are confident that had the yacht or life raft been within those search areas, we would have found them,” Seward said in a statement . Just three days before the search was suspended, the rescue center obtained a text message that crewmember Danielle Wright sent. It was transmitted June 4, using the boat's satellite phone, but the Iridium system did not deliver it, according to Maritime New Zealand . The message read: "THANKS STORM SAILS S

"Don't touch that Manatee," I said to Cracker Bob's Great Grandson. He didn't listen to me, a former Yankee, so he went further down the dock ladder into the water. He got a finger on the tail of the small one just as it dove. "Grandpa, why is he telling me what to do," referring to me. "He ain't nobody to me?" Cracker Bob shrugged his shoulders and said, "His Grand Mother moved to Virginia years ago and he's always had a 'ginia mouth. His Mother is in the Army and you can see the Army Brat in him." Bob laughed when the 9 year old shot him a nasty look. "Great Grandfathers should have more respect. I'd never heard that Virginians had a smart mouth," I said wanting more information. "Yeah, they're to near them Yankee states, part Yankee themselves," said Bob and then he remembered he was speaking to a former Yankee so he tried make amends, "but you ain't like most of them Yankees

I'm not sure if the 4 th of July 'loooong' weekend helped the beach or not. I know that the few canal residents burned themselves out watching the fireworks. We're old you know. We think the 'Hot Tamale', Run-aground Ralph affair has come to a boiling point because there was a moving van loading furniture on Friday. Mrs. Ralph didn't join the fireworks party and we haven't seen Ralph since then. Cap' Crunch is keeping quiet about the goings on but he'll crack soon. 'Digger' took the Jersey off to a reunion in Long Boat Key Friday to show his new found wealth to his family. He won't tell them what the name means but it was his boat originally. He's coming back from the dregs of financial ruin and he deserves a little time to boast. Living in his in-laws double wide and letting his wife bring in the money has done the boy's ego harm. Only Cracker Bob, Missouri Mo and a few others keep the lights burning on the docks at

The fireworks were spectacular. The rain stopped long enough for the show. We sat on 'My 20%' and watched the end of show traffic go over the bridge or sail around Bowditch point. We waited until all the police boats were occupied before leaving for our home dock. We weren't worried because we had two sober people on the boat and the 'Reverend' can actually drive the boat. We weren't worried but at that time of night we didn't want a hassle. Surely we didn't want to be the third in line to be 'inspected.' Since we've partnered up on the 40 footer we have always had an Courtesy Marine Safety exam by the U.S. Coast Guard Auxiliary. That little sticker can save a lot of time when the U.S. Coast Guard stops you for a safety inspection. It's a ruse. They want to get on your boat so they can look for contraband such as alcohol, drugs or drunken boat drivers. The sticker should satisfy the law enforcement person about the basi

Sleepy summer beach time is gone. Crazy summer weekend is here on Ft. Myers Beach. The smart tourists came last evening and took all the hotel rooms near the fishing pier and Times Square. They will take over the Heavenly Biscuit and other beach breakfast places. The 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' usually has a community breakfast but someone forgot to shop for all the ingredients and there aren't that many of us around. So, we went off the beach early to our FAVORITE off beach breakfast place, Marti's! Well, not all of us. The Cap'n Crunch's and the Run-aground Ralph's went to Perkins for obvious reasons; they're not going to support local yokels. Marti's was pretty quiet at 6:30 am so we were in and out quickly. I had my usual (I know this is very interesting?) eggs over easy, Jimmy Dean sausage patties, home fries crispy and a biscuit. Mrs. boatguy had the same except for sausage links and rye toast. It was way cheap, cheaper than the Gulfshore

News Release Coast Guard investigates parasail accident near the Commodore Condominiums in Panama City Beach PANAMA CITY, Fla. — The Coast Guard has launched an investigation into the cause of a parasail accident that occurred Monday at the beach near the Commodore Condominiums in Panama City Beach. Coast Guard Sector Mobile, Ala. , and Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission are conducting concurrent investigations and sharing information. The purpose of the Coast Guard’s investigation is to identify contributing factors that led to the incident and take appropriate measures to assist in preventing future marine accidents. Panama City Beach Fire Department , Bay County Sheriff’s Office , Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission , the Coast Guard and other local emergency services responded to the scene. The resulting accident critically injured both girls and caused significant damage, including damage to the condominium and vehicles in t

"Take this job and shove it," said Trudy the bartender at the 'Pukin' Pelican. "You don't know how to run a restaurant. Why do you want to own a place and then let it run down? I'm sick of cleaning the mold off the ice machine and the shit off the floor! I won't serve desserts with green stuff growing on them, I quit." God has blessed me on a few occasions with drama like that but I've never been accused of instigating the drama. "Are you happy," asked Shirley the owner/manager of the Pelican. I raised my palms up and looked confused but she didn't buy my act. "You've been flaming her up for a while!"   "She's been complaining for quite a while but you won't listen. Why not? She wasn't throwing bombs only making suggestions but you and and the others just shrug it off, especially you. Why do you think the (DECYC) club won't eat here anymore," I said. And it had the same effect as alway

435 words "My boat is sinking," said a text message from a non-canal social member of the 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club.' He lives just off the beach so a few of us, practically all the year-round members still in residence dashed off the island to see if we could help. The "Dory Girl" was on the bottom by the time we got there. She's a 27' wooden 1950 lap-straked boat that had been impeccably maintained by 'Michigan Mitch' because it was his Father's last boat. She was down by the stern with only a tight bow line keeping her head up. Thankfully it was low tide when we arrived with the pumps. Crunchy is ex-Coast Guard and he has two large gas pumps he keeps on a small trailer in a storage unit. Together they could raise the Titanic but one wouldn't start without starter fluid and wouldn't run very long. The little one could draw a huge amount of water and shoot it across the canal. I'm afraid we got a another boat soaked