Boating is...by boatguy Ed Fort Myers Beach is a satirical site!

A few years ago video  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBa8JzC9nP8 Boating Rough Weather Arrived at the Dry Tortugas Ferry dock right on time Tuesday morning. The latest weather reports were shaky. A strong wave moving over the southern Florida peninsula and the keys would bring rain and thunderstorms. 'Cracker Bob' and 'Run-aground Ralph' arrived Sunday, 'Digger Bill' missed this years trip because of work. 'Miami Enrico' and 'Hot Tamale' were still on board although she was having second thoughts. Ralph was being his usual pain but the thunderstorms frightened her more than Ralph. Still, everyone wanted to go fishing on Wednesday so we pulled the hook and headed out. Arrived over our secret spot just after noon and got right into a nice stack of Snapper. Several T-storms rolled through during the afternoon and they ended the trip early. When we returned the anchorage was a little more crowded with the addition of several commercial boats

Got back to Fort Myers Beach on Thursday evening. Made paint etc. Left Fort Myers last night (Memorial Day) in a rental car for Key West. Now waiting for the Fort Jefferson Ferry Tuesday morning. Back in the beach area Thursday or Friday. Boatguy Ed ( boatguiEd@aol.com) is a manufacturer of the worlds BEST anti-fouling bottom paint, www.supershipbottom.com . TWEET me @boatguyed and a corresponding web site is http://www.boatingbyboatguyed.com/ ........ NEVER, EVER TRY TO BUY HIM A DRINK! T his column is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.

Boating; Waitress Some Good.... “I have no idea,” said the plump young waitress at the Pukin' Pelican Friday evening. I was in the middle of telling large tales about the trip to Fort Jefferson when I overheard a women at the next table inquire if the 'Beer Battered' Fish was caught locally. I admired the young girls honesty but expected a promise to find out. None came even though she hurried off without taking the order. www.boatingbyboatguyed.com “It's Vietnamese cat fish, Basa I believe is the common name,” I said to the table. Just then the waitress re-appeared with order pad in hand. The woman asked. “Is the 'Beer Battered' Fish Vietnamese cat fish?” Again the waitress spun around into the growing crowd of Memorial Weekend celebrants. I ignored the rest of the process because of the impatience of my fellow “Dead End Canal Yacht Club” member who demanded greater detail about 'Hot Tamale's' swim wear. I continued in length until I

Boating; Charcoal Snapper. The only problem we had fishing northwest of the Dry Tortugas National Park was the darned Snapper kept eating our bait on the way down to the Grouper. We discovered that our chumming was bringing the Snapper up to nibble our larger bait going. Eventually a good size Snapper would bite the hook and we'd reel it in but after we had our bag limit we had to stop chumming. We fileted a number of them and ate heartily. Hot Tamale made a big Cuban salad and some black beans and rice. We nibbled at the fare but Phil and I really wanted just the fish. It had been a long day and we wanted to fish more. The respite allowed the Snapper to dissipate and right after we cleaned up we fished for some bait. Ever time it hit the bottom we felt the strong tug from a Grouper and set the hook. Our reward was usually a good size fish who fought all the way up. We tossed them in the fish box and went back to work. The yawning started shortly afterward but the fish

Boating Tortugas 1st Leg Friday; Arrived back in Fort Myers last night aboard a rental car from Key West. Made paint this morning. I thought I had it covered but an emergency order, aren't they all, took most of the back stock and another order from Panama put us deep in the hole. On Tuesday, left the canal at 7:30 am on a nearly motionless (static) high tide. Pux and I settled in on the helm/nav station on the fly bridge. Rico and Hot Tamale lounged on the aft deck. The sun was well off the horizon when we passed the sea buoy and settled in on the run south-southwesterly heading. We could see Thunderstorms way off but directly in our path. After an hour they appeared to have moved to the west. Rico struggled up the ladder and rested topside. “Do you mind if Hottie sunbathes in the nude,” he asked. “She has an all over tan and works hard to keep it. She don't care if you look but no pictures, please.” It was a good thing he hadn't told us this in a crowded a

6:00 am Tuesday Boston Bob left the canal yesterday at 9:30 am. The last we heard from him was yesterday afternoon on the VHF. His mast mounted antenna is able to reach Cap'n Crunch's tree high VHF antenna. The wind had picked up to 8 knots and they were moving along nicely at around 3 to around 4 Knots in the gusts. At that rate they will be in Wednesday morning. We are finishing up loading 'My 20%'. Final stuff and Hot Tamale's bikinis. Light wind, slightly overcast and we'll be gone in thirty minutes. The blog will be inactive until Sunday.

Boating; Skipper's Meeting by boatguy Ed The 'Skipper's Meeting' coincidentally took place during Happy Hour at the Big Game Waterfront Grill Sunday. We commandeered a large table and ordered pitchers of beer. The waitress informed us that there would be an automatic 18% tip added to the bill. “That's fine with me because we always tip better than that anyway,” I said. The group staggered in from 4:30 on and everyone drank beer except 'Miami Rico' who drank Cuba Libra’s or rum and coke, to us. We missed having 'Hot Tamale at the meeting but she was in Miami visiting her grand-daughter. We are amazed that she could have one of those. “I call this meeting to order,” said 'Commodore, Pensacola Slim, Jim.' He's not joining the cruise but he makes the meeting official. After the roll call was taken we all started re-affirming our intentions to go on the cruise. Rico was very excited when he showed off the new Satellite phone he'

'Run-aground Ralph' is up to his usual devious ways. Since 'Miami Enrico' introduced the 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' to his newest girlfriend, 'Hot Tamale', Ralph is determined to change Rico's plans from coming with us on the first leg of the trip to going with him on the second leg. “ That will be hashed out at the Captain's meeting,” I said to 'Cracker Bob' while he demonstrated the refurbished water maker. “ It might be a long meeting. Ralph is hot to have her with them. I'll admit she looks good for a 45 year old especially in the skimpy Bikini I expect she'll wear,” said Bob with a far off look in his eyes. I tried to get him back on task by remarking that the water maker seemed to be drawing more current than before. “Everything is new. Not to worry,” Bob said confidently.” Ralph was very persuasive when he was determined but there were strong arguments for the original lineup. As it stood myself, Punxee, Hot Tama

The Captains of "My 20%" who are going to The Dry Tortugas 'Miami Enrico', 'Cracker Bob', 'Dirt Digger Gene', 'Run-aground Ralph', 'boatguy Ed', ' Punxsutawney Phil' “We don't need the water-maker,” said ' Miami Enrico ' as he puffed on his latest fake Cuban cigar made in Tampa. He's the newest partner in “My 20%” the 1984 Jersey 40'. His contribution was the re-build on the Port engine and he's excited to be going to Fort Jefferson. He's a South Beach type who got old when he wasn't looking. Cleveland Jack introduced us because they're members of the same boat club. He lives on Fort Myers Beach year round but not on the canal. “I see your point 'Rico' but since we already have it we should use it,” 'boatguy Ed' said. “The $500 maintenance kit is high but maybe we could sell fresh water in the 'Dry' Tortugas, ha, ha.” “You guys used up all the water l

UPDATE: Coast Guard suspends search for overdue kayaker PENSACOLA, Fla. — The Coast Guard suspended its search for a male kayaker reported overdue near Lake Frederick. Missing is Joseph Kane, 21, of Pensacola. Coast Guard air and boatcrews, along with multiple federal, state and local responders, searched an area of 5,679 square-nautical miles over a period of 74 hours in an effort to locate to Kane. Search-and-rescue resources and agencies were: Three Coast Guard Aviation Training Center Mobile , Ala., HC-144 Ocean Sentry aircrews and one ATC Mobile MH-60T helicopter aircrew; Four Coast Guard Air Station New Orleans MH-65 Dolphin helicopter crews; The 87-foot Coast Guard Cutters Cobia and Seahawk and crews; Three Coast Guard Station Pensacola response boatcrews; Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission boatcrew; Two U.S. Navy MH-60 aircrews; U.S. Navy Police; Escambia Search and Rescue boatcrew; Escambia County Sheriff's Office; Depa

Can anyone identify this. Win this weeks prize if you can. Come on make a guess! Boatguy Ed ( boatguiEd@aol.com) is a manufacturer of the worlds BEST anti-fouling bottom paint, www.supershipbottom.com . TWEET me @boatguyed and a corresponding web site is http://www.boatingbyboatguyed.com/ ........ NEVER, EVER TRY TO BUY HIM A DRINK! T his column is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.

Cap'n Crunch should be the best boater in the 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' if time on the water, education and experience means anything. He spent 20 years in the Coast Guard and even though most of it was behind a desk, he's been operations officer aboard two CG boats over his career. His hands on experience was in Vietnam aboard an 82' Cutter which assisted the U.S. Navy during inshore operations. To listen to Crunchy you'd think he was a second Audey Murphy. During some riverboat duty, he single-handedly captured several boat loads of North Vietnamese infiltrators. He doesn't think he served anywhere near John Kerry, the traitor (his words) and donated money to the 'Swift Boat' bunch. A card carrying 'Tea Party Member' who makes his wife display right wing bumper stickers on her older American made car because he won't have them on his newer Mercedes. Why he agreed to join our little flotilla to the 'Dry Tortugas' this y

From Soundings Trade Only Publication The Coast Guard released its 2012 Recreational Boating Statistics on Monday, revealing that boating fatalities last year totaled 651, the lowest number of boating fatalities on record. There were 651 boating deaths last year, a decline of 14.1 percent from 758 in 2011, and there were 3,000 injuries, down 2.6 percent from 3,081 the previous year. The total number of reported recreational boating accidents dropped to 4,515, a decline of 1.6 percent from 4,588 in 2011. The fatality rate for 2012 of 5.4 deaths per 100,000 registered recreational vessels reflected a 12.9 percent decrease from the previous year's rate of 6.2 deaths. Property damage totaled about $38 million. "We're very pleased that casualties are lower and thank our partners for their hard work over the past year," Capt. Paul Thomas, director of inspections and compliance at Coast Guard headquarters, said in a statement. "We will continue to stress the imp

Editor's note; Do not confuse the Pukin' Pelican with the new Pelican Bay restaurant opening soon on Pelican Bay between Get-Away Marina and Maria's smoke house! Boating; Could it be the Battery.... by boatguy Ed 'Run-aground Ralph' was having trouble with his boat last week so he employed the collective wisdom of his fellow yacht club members. “Motor is froze up!” “You got oil in it,” asked 'Cap'n Crunch.' Ralph shot a scornful look his way but Crunchie didn't take the hint. “You ain't been running this boat much since your gallivanting all over the country with the grand kids ....” “Have you checked the battery,” I asked. Since I'm the author of this column I can assign the most intelligent comments to myself even if I never said them. But I swear this was my real, true intelligent comment of my own. Cap'n Crunch again with another scornful glance in my direction said, “It's only two and a half years old. This is a

Boating; Dry Tortugas here we come! Boston Bob is loading gear for the Annual Dry Tortugas trip and he is approaching it all wrong according to several Fort Jefferson veteran sailors. The "Dead End Canal Yacht Club" always assists our members in critical undertakings and we as a group are very curious in a arms length way about sailboats. "You aren't taking enough coffee," said Louisiana Dave as he rifled through a box destined for storage aboard the sailboat. "Twenty four hours under sail is a long time for you rookies!" “We have plenty of Caramels and they're better for stayin' awake than coffee, you Coonass sailor,” Boston Bob retorted. Dave told Bob that he wasn't a Coonass because he didn't have Cajun blood in him but he took Bob's intended slur as a compliment. “I'd be careful how I throw that word around in the Dry Tortugas because a lot of Coonass commercial fishermen rest up there. Some will fight you over t

Being a commercial boater, shrimp or fish or boat mover used to be the last bastion of independance. If they wanted to die on the ocean blue, it was their right. See ya, don't write unless you have good news about Heaven or Hell. Then the U.S. Coast Guard decided to deprive these rugged individualist of their right to die stupidly. So the U.S. Coast Guard, who had been searching for those missing rugged individualists for years at enormous expense mandated changes to commercial vessels. The pleasure craft industry had already adopted EPIRBS and break-away self inflating life rafts on the big boats. Under order the commercial fleet eventually complied. Today, the rescue time between boats without EPIRBS and with is so startling that not even the stanauchest Captain Ahib could believe it. But vessels and crews are still lost because commercial fishing is still a dangerous job but the EPIRB has saved many lives.

  That's what EPIRB's are for! News Release Coast Guard rescues man from sailboat 70 miles east of Kitty Hawk, NC PORTSMOUTH, Va. — The Coast Guard rescued a 72-year-old man Wednesday after he requested a medevac from his 24-foot sailboat approximately 70 miles east of Kitty Hawk, N.C., at approximately 9 a.m. Rescued was Trevor Wilson of Great Britain. Wilson activated his 406 megahertz emergency position indicating radio beacon at approximately 6 a.m., which alerted the Coast Guard 5 th District watchstanders. Watchstanders deployed an aircrew aboard an MH-60 Jayhawk helicopter from Coast Guard Air Station Elizabeth City, N.C., to search the EPRIB's indicated location. The helicopter crew located the sailboat Erma and made contact via VHF-FM radio. Wilson reported to the aircrew he had been unconscious for seven hours and believed that he had fallen and hit his head. The aircrew deployed a rescue swimmer who took Wilson off his sailboat an

Shopping for the Dry Tortuga's trip. Thirty years ago I did an overnight shrimping trip aboard a boat I was brokering. I'd decided to learn about shrimping first hand so I could 'talk' shrimp boats with potential customers. I decided to immerse myself in the whole experience including the ten cart grocery shopping trip. There were more steaks and other meat and eggs and bread and high energy producing food than I've ever seen in any other place. These guys would work it off, none of them were fat and they would be re-supplied if they needed to be once or twice during their trip. Later, while running a water taxi, I used to ferry drunken shrimpers off the Casey's Alley dock with last minute supplies. Casey was behind Winn Dixie so while some were shopping others were drinking and doing some specialized shopping. I never got stopped on the way over to the boats but I always wondered what a nosy law guy would find amongst the cookies and beer? Now we

Preparing for the Dry Tortugas “The Dead End Canal Yacht Club'” annual trip to the Dry Tortugas is coming up. Boston Bob will take his newer sailboat, Cap'n Crunch will pilot his 34' Cruiser and the club boat, a 40' Jersey will act as mother ship. First a little background! The Dry Tortugas National Park lies 77 miles west of Key West. (From web site) The Dry Tortugas National Park and Fort Jefferson are endlessly beautiful, enveloped by warm crystal waters, sandy beaches, an abundance of wildlife and breathtaking natural scenery. Grab a snorkel and walk into the water—just a few feet from shore lays a coral reef, where hundreds of tropical fish and marine animals will thrill you as they dart past your mask. Bring your camping gear and spend the night (or two or three) under the stars. Keep your eyes open for the sooty tern, a magnificent tropical bird that chooses Bush Key as its only nesting place in the United States. If you’re a bird watching enthusiast,

The 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club's' Cinco de Mayo bash will be held at the 'Pukin' Pelican from 3 to 6. Pinatas and Sombreros will not be furnished so bring your own. No food specials either, just the normal happy hour food and regular menu. They didn't have anything much for other holidays like Ohio Day or Michigan Day so why would they have it for Mexican holiday. Actually, Cino De Mayo is celebrated more in the United States than Mexico. We have made it an American celebration. It is celebrated mainly in the Free and Sovereign State of Puebla where a major victory for the Mexican army over the invading French was fought. Americans of Mexican descent and all Americans celebrate with special foods and drinks. We would hope Margaritas will be served at the 'Pukin' Pelican along with refried beans, tacos and Rio Grand floaters but don't hold your breath.

Is there a "THUNDER SUNDAY" back in the future of Fort Myers Beach? Rumor have it that a new and improved "THUNDER SUNDAY" location might be at Salty Sam's Marina. Not sure yet how soon or which restaurants will be the host but maybe both Parrot Key Caribbean Grill and The Big Game Waterfront Grill will co-host the events. Anything that rumbles (noise) will have a Sunday. Offshore Powerboats need to be brought back to the beach and this may be a first step. Then there are the motorcycles loud, chromed, beautiful and exciting. I envision tee-shirts, food, fun, drinks and a charity dunk tank. Of course it will be co-sponsored by radio, magazines and other vendors. There is so much parking that they could hold all the events in one day but it's better if they spread it out. I hope they have a chili cooking contest because the Dead End Canal Yacht Club has some killer recipes. Guaranteed to win! See you on Twitter @boatguyed or on the new web site www.bo