"I hate Snowbirds"

Cracker Bob is so sensitive about being insensitive. "These bastards think they own the place. Well, just remember that summer is coming!"

"Calm down, Bob. It's Christmas week and most of them will be gone next Thursday," said Texarkana Hannah as we stood outside Marti's Restaurant today.

"Hardly any locals," said Bob dejectedly. "I ain't coming back here until May."

"They need a better waiting area. That's for sure," said Cap'n Crunch as he stood on the sidewalk and pressed his nose against the window.

"Being rude won't make them eat any faster, Crunchie," I admonished him but he doesn't listen to anyone.

"There are single people sitting at 4 top tables. I hate Snowbirds," said Crunchie.

Just then a really old woman being held up by two pretty old people came out the door.

Behind them were two waitress' shouting the man's name carrying items. They were regulars but the commotion blurred Crunchie's comprehension and when the really old woman's leg gave out, she nearly fell into us. The man held fast so she didn't.

"Shouldn't let her out of the nursing home," whispered Crunchie. But whispering for Crunchie John is almost normal conversational volume for those of us who aren't audibly impaired.

Everyone else was very polite and gave the threesome plenty of room. 

When the really old woman was loaded into their car, the pretty old man came around and confronted us, "I don't know which one of you made that remark because I had my back to you but I know it was one of you. I wish you'd Identify yourself so I could punch you in the fuckin' mouth."

I started to laugh but the look on the angry senior citizen stopped me. "You're right, it was one of us but punching him in the mouth won't teach him anymore of a lesson than you already have."

Crunchie was beet red and I'm sure the man knew it was him but this wasn't the playground yard of our youth, so he took the high road and left.

"I hate Snowbirds," Crunchie said again.

"And they hate you but that wasn't a Snowbird. They were locals. Maybe he'll figure it out by next Summer and then someone will get punched," I said.

Crunchie left for Perkins because they have a better witing room.

Boatguy Ed ( boatguiEd@aol.com ) is the manufacturer of the worlds BEST anti-fouling bottom paint, www.supershipbottom.com.... Former Producer, Director, Co-Star and the guy who swept up on the "Boating Show" 1995 to 2000. 

Producer/Director/Editor of "Dining out SWFL" and "Boater's Treasures TV." TWEET me @boatguyed and a corresponding web site is http://www.boatingbyboatguyed.com/ ........ NEVER, EVER TRY TO BUY HIM A DRINK!

This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Keep sending those great questions and comments to boatguiEd@aol.com.