In search of the perfect Happy Hour!

We gathered on my dock for a happy hour tour just the other day. All the members of the Dead End Canal Yacht Club who could make it were excited. It had been a while since we joined together to lift a glass and eat a chicken wing. In the past, we would have needed two or three boats but today we all fit on the 'Reverends' 24-foot pontoon.

We meet more frequently in Hospital waiting rooms or Funeral Homes these days. Many members have lost spouses and a few of our members swallowed the big anchor. That is why it has been hard to write an upbeat blog about a group of boating nuts who aren't doing much boating anymore.

During an audit of the membership, we found that the majority of members don't own a boat anymore which isn't a prerequisite for membership but it is sad. Some joined boat clubs, some gave it up altogether while others quit the club completely. The reasons for this radical change ranged from "My wife made me do it," to "My health won't permit long boat rides," and a change in lifestyle.

Case in point; Runaground Ralph! He and Cap'n Crunch sold their boats and bought massive Motorhomes. Off they went together into the setting Sun. Ralph kept getting lost so Crunchie abandoned the buddy trip and went all the way to Wyoming before he wrecked the bus. After extensive and expensive repairs, a nephew flew out and helped them move the beast to their daughter's side yard in Illinois.

'Run-aground Ralph' made it all the way to San Francisco to visit his Daughter after a year, on and off the road. They flew back to Fort Myers to winter because it was 'too dangerous' to drive on those mountain roads in winter. That was three years ago and they hadn't mentioned going back for it yet. Then, Mrs. Ralph died while visiting their grandchildren. She went doing what she loved!

Enough whining! We were off to the 'Pukin' Pelican' for a good time, all six of us. We would be busy catching up. Hard to believe we all live on the same canal and yet so far away now that we have fewer boats to kibitz over. None of us had seen 'Boston Bob' in almost two years. 

The old blow boater had sold his boat to help his son, bought another sailboat and sold that too. He and his wife helped another son with their disabled grandson. They weren't in town often. Who said retirement was easy? Now they were back. We all knew why but don't bring it up. 

Summertime at 4 in the afternoon weekday means there is plenty of docks available at the 'Old Pelican.' Since the Reverend had his Cataracts fixed, he is able to dock real good. We unloaded; Runaground Ralph, Cap'n Crunch, Boston Bob, Texarkana Hannah, the Reverand and I, boatguy Ed! 

We went inside for the airconditioning and to get away from Run-aground Ralph's cigarette smoke which he was off for 30 years but since his wife's death, you know! We were warmly greeted by Crazy Alice the really old manager. She thanked us for coming and we thanked her for being there since she is regularly fired by the 'Yankee Owners' from somewhere up North.

"We got a new cook and he knows how to boil water," Alice cackled as we sat down in the big table. That meant the food was improved since our last visit. The Chef knew his way around a spice rack.

We ordered a pitcher of Bud Light, a Mango Margarita for Hannah, a Yeungling for Boston Bob and a Pabst Blue Ribbon for me. Oh yeah, a Coke for the Reverand. "You still drinking that shit," the bartender Yaya, asked me. She is a pretty young native Indian girl by the way of a lot of Irish parentage.

"Keeps me alive, just barely, child!"

TO BE CONTINUED!

This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only. Strictly Satire! Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a vehicle or heavy machinery. Keep sending those great questions and comments! (Contact) boatguyed@gmail.com