In Search of the Perfect Happy Hour Part II

So there we were our happy group of Yacht Club members with a cool beverage in all our hands. We toasted our dearly departed former members and drank heartily to their future, wherever they were. 

Hannah from Texarkana started off the catching up with a colorful description of the last scoundrel she had thought was her true love. He wasn't and she was several thousands of dollars poorer. They had met in Church, the Third Day Resurrection church of West Lick, Texas.

"We met a wake for a dear old friend of my first husband," said Hannah. "It was a Military Funeral with the flags and color guard and the bugler playing taps."

"The husband with all the money," asked Alice from behind the bar.

"She's only had one husband with any money, Alice! And you stay out of our conversation, please," said Run-aground Ralph.

"Anyway Beaugard was wearing his Army uniform with so many ribbons that I couldn't even count. I've always had a soft spot for soldiers. I buried all of my Bobby Lee, my first husband, that we could find in an Oak casket stenciled with a whole American flag on it. Them oil well explosions carry a lot of the victim off, you know."

"So me and Beau became a number. We went on cruises and traveled to the far east and bought him a whole new wardrobe in Hong Kong." Hannah paused to wipe away a tear. "I caught him good with another female passenger. They were doing IT under a blanket on the upper deck. I was paying the Philipino cabin boys to keep an eye on him!"

"Good riddance," said Yaya. "The same thing happened to me. I was dating a football player and he was cheating on me with a cheerleader!"

Hannah continued. "I've given up on younger men, I'll tell you. That bastard cost me almost a whole oil well. My family laughed at me, too! I came back to my canal."

We all chimed in on the welcome back and we meant it. Maybe not Ralph and Crunchie but everyone else still active in the club did. Run-aground Ralph wiped his eyes and left to smoke a cigarette. 

Boston Bob displayed a picture of his newest love, a 27-foot sailboat. I marveled that it was the same model I used to sell in Pennsyltucky. "I'm going to buy a small Motor Home and trailer it all around the Great Lakes every summer, Canada too! I'll have it back on the Canal every winter."

"You ain't getting any younger, Bob," said the Reverend. "I might have to come along and give you a hand."

We didn't want to lose our designated driver. "We should all go," a shout rose up from the Dead End Canal Yacht Club members. It was a false bravado fueled by the smell of a new adventure and a little alcohol. 

"Are you guys having anything to eat today," asked Yaya impatiently. Cap'n Crunch asked her suggestively, what she recommended as he leered in her direction. 

"I recommend the bacon-wrapped Jalapeno poppers, baked, not fried. They aren't really hot! For hot we have Sudden Death wings," said Yaya.

"Four orders of poppers and one Sudden Death! Let's go for broke," I said. "I knew I would be the only imbiber in the wings but they would make my fourth and last Pabst Blue Ribbon taste that much better!"

To be continued; 

With Run-aground Ralph, Cap'n Crunch, 

Boston Bob, Texarkana Hannah, 

the Reverand and I, boatguy Ed!

This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only. Strictly Satire! Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a vehicle or heavy machinery. Keep sending those great questions and comments! (Contact) boatguyed@gmail.com