Boating; Snowbirds Coming Back

"They're coming back, for sure by-yiminee," said Minnesota Sven as he watched the clubhouse of our beloved "Dead End Canal Yacht Club" fill up Sunday night.

The low summer attendance numbers swelled from around ten members per meeting to 25 warm bodies on the patio by the time the keg was tapped. After a 45 minute gab fest where everyone wanted to know everything that happened last summer, the gavel dropped right on time.

First point of order is the Commodore's report from the bridge which was "nothing much happened last summer!" Then the reading of the minutes of the last meeting was suspended because no one took any. Then the Treasurers report was next and then the normal battle started.

"Commodore, let's suspend the report," suggested Cap'n Dick who'd just returned from Cheeecaga.

"No way, this needs to be heard by all in attendance," answered Treasurer Paula. "We're broke and they need to hear this!"

"It'll just lead to another hour long fight over finances and I think it's a waste of time," answered Dick.

"Go ahead and read the report," the Commodore ordered. It took less than a minute and it could have been said quicker because the club is truly broke. Treasurer Paula finished by saying that purchase of one more book of stamps would wipe out our account.

"Well we don't need any money, right? The beer fund is holding it's own and we get the clubhouse for free so why do we need a stash of cash," asked Arkansas Bill.

"This will only turn into another debate over dues and we've settled that last year," Cap'n Dick said adamantly.

"Last year we had a fifty/fifty raffle each meeting that brought in a few bucks but no one wants to volunteer to run it. The only revenue we get is the 'swearing fund' and during the summer months nobody swears or at least no one puts their quarter in the can," said the Treasurer.

"I think we should reinstate the dues," I said. "Make it a one time yearly fee of twenty bucks which would be a third of the original dues and I think it would help smooth over the tough times."

"That's right bring back the big taxes," shouted Red State Joe from the back of the room. "These liberals always want to get their hands into our pockets!"

I wanted to shout, 'Who are you calling a liberal, you blankety blank', but I composed myself enough to argue in a calmer voice, "Now Joe, let's not lower ourselves to wild accusations and political name calling! My point is that we were doing good things with the dues like the scholarship fund for wayward girls and the docking lessons for Cap'n Crunch."

"...and the afternoon cocktail meetings for the board! We don't need to be offering bus passes to the poor or coloring books for pre-school kids. We are a Yacht Club and we shouldn't have to take on community charities," said Red State Joe.

"I'm against raising anymore taxes, too," added Cap'n Dick. "Why not charge a dollar for a beer and raise the money that way?"

"That's a great idea coming from a wine drinker. I think we should charge 5 bucks for a chair," Boston Bob added.

"Listen who's talking, a sailboater, I knew it would come to this when we admitted Al Gore junior. The next thing you know we'll have to admit 'those people' and then I'll be gone," replied Red State Joe.

"Those people, who are you referring to," Puerto Rico Herman said as he stood up. "Who do you mean by that remark?"

"You know perfectly well who I mean, ELECTRIC BOAT PEOPLE," shouted Red State Joe before he stomped out.

"Huh, electric boat people, what did he mean? What's wrong with electric powered boats? I have an electric powered trolling motor, would he exclude me from the club," stammered Fishing Frank.

"I think we could afford $20 per year. We can't run huge deficits like the government and most of us are well off. What do we say we vote on boatguy's idea," said New York Ryan.

"I personally would resign rather than pay another tax," said Cap'n Dick. "I think this is a polarizing issue that will destroy this club if you pass it!"

"Yes we're fairly well off but the housing market declined hurt our net worth and we're on fixed incomes but I won't resign if it passes," added Lake Erie Earl. "I would like to postpone the vote until next meeting to study the effects of the dues further."

And that was that, so far. I wanted to tell them that I had set up a hidden video camera pointed at the beer keg and 'honor jar' where members put their beer donations. I'm sure it is a violation of their civil rights or rights to privacy but since I have a government clearance now (VA volunteer) I'm sure it's okay.

I'm tired of buying part of the beer because the fund is always short. I'll present a full report on the free loaders next meeting and then we'll see the fur fly! Boat Safe!

Boatguy Ed (boatguiEd@aol.com) is the manufacturer of the worlds BEST anti-fouling bottom paint,www.supershipbottom.com. TWEET me @boatguyed and a corresponding web site is http://www.boatingbyboatguyed.com/ ........ NEVER, EVER TRY TO BUY HIM A DRINK!

This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Keep sending those great questions and comments to boatguiEd@aol.com.