Boating; Read What Directions?

"After all else fails," my dear old pappy used to say, "read the directions!" Who among us hasn't added to much hardener to the epoxy and wondered why it was smoking? I've screwed the pooch on many occasions but from the pros I expect better? 

Whenever I walk into a boat repair place I always look for the older mechanics. That may sound politically incorrect or age bias but it has been my experience that the younger mechanics may be book smarter but they don't have the hands-on time. Case in point was a new starter that I didn't need.

Whenever your boat won't start or even turnover it is most likely the battery. The Florida heat is as hard on batteries as the New England winters. Long ago the boat wouldn't start so I called the service department who sent a clean cut young mechanic over to the boat slip. After a very short diagnosis he exclaimed, "You need a new starter!"

"How are the batteries," I asked hoping that the infinitely cheaper batteries were the problem. The mechanic said he checked the batteries and they were fine so I told him to replace the starter which he did. Several hundreds of dollars later the boat still wouldn't start. Same symptoms, same diagnosis; bad starter. Defective starter right out of the box. So who pays the labor bill?

The service manger shrugged his young shoulders and said, "I'll see if I can get some help from the distributor but I wouldn't count on it." Then he chuckled and continued, "You know what the word boat means, huh? Break Out Another Thousand!" I had to leave the building!

On the way back to the boat I spotted an older mechanic carrying his tools back to the shop and I asked him what the odds were of a starter going bad sitting on a warehouse shelf. "Pretty low but you never know."

I explained the circumstances to him and he just got this weird half smile on his face. A wry sort of smile that would make anyone uncomfortable especially if your surgeon wore it. "What are you thinking," I asked.

"I'll take a look at it after lunch," he said and then disappeared into the service department office.

I waited until three in the afternoon before I called the service manager. "I've got good news for you. Your boat is ready and there is no charge!"

"Wha.....t? No charge, are you kidding?" The service manager said he would just chock up the cost to mechanic training and said I should hurry over and get the boat because they were about to close for the day.

The boat was in the water when I arrived with the keys in it but I couldn't find the three main players in this little drama. When I touched the ignition key the engine roared to life just as it had for many years. I inspected the engine and to my surprise I found my OLD starter in place instead of the new one. I opened the battery box and my old batteries stared up at me. I was dumbfounded but happy so I went back to my slip.

This turned into a great debate at the "Dead End Canal Yacht Club" but no one came up with the answer. Then one day I ran into the older mechanic at the grocery store. "I haven't seen you around the marina lately? I wanted to ask what the no-charge problem was with my boat?"

"I don't work there anymore. I'm not sure if your problem had anything to do with that but I was tired of the inexperience," he said matter-of-factly.

"So you can tell me what the problem was, I hope?" He chuckled, "Oh, you didn't notice the new battery selector switch?" Battery selector switch? I'd forgotten I even had a battery selector switch because it sits in the battery compartment and most of the time I just leave it on the 'both' rather than selecting the off position or the battery one or two position.

In my own defense, the switch was out of sight unless you get on your knees and peer way back. I could turn the selector switch without looking at it. "So how did you know it was the switch," I begged.

"I called our distributor and asked them to bench test the old one and it spun just fine. I checked the batteries and they were older but still okay. The starter wasn't getting any juice so....," he didn't finish because he didn't have to. Who'da thunk?

It makes me wonder though? Would that service manager have left the new starter in and billed me for the new selector switch if I hadn't asked for a second opinion? My best guess is that he would have. Boat Safe!

Send questions and comments to boatguiEd@aol.com.

Boatguy Ed ( boatguiEd@aol.com ) is the manufacturer of the worlds BEST anti-fouling bottom paint, www.supershipbottom.com. Former Producer, Director, Star and the guy who swept up on the "Boating Show" 1995 to 2000. 

Producer/Director/Editor of "Dining out SWFL" and "Boater's Treasures TV." 
TWEET me @boatguyed and a corresponding web site is http://www.boatingbyboatguyed.com/  NEVER, EVER TRY TO BUY HIM A DRINK!

This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Keep sending those great questions and comments to boatguiEd@aol.com.