Boating is...by boatguy Ed Fort Myers Beach is a satirical site!

"When I woke up this morning I heard the most beautiful sound; The echo of 5600 Sears generators running around the Canal," said Widow Roberts. "I didn't know what to do now that I'm alone." "Don't you worry, honey," said Hanna. "We'll get your storm shutters up tomorrow." Widow Roberts and her late husband Mortimer were original residents. They were here before the Canal was a Dead End. Mort passed right after Hurricane Irma and our club members took their shutters down.  "Will Landscaper James help again this year," asked Boston Bob. "I saw him at the Little Store last night and he said the neighborhood over on West Street had already given him 'rebrainer' but he meant a retainer." '"It's time to round up some help," said Cap'n Crunch.  This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only.  Strictly Satire!   Any resemblance to real persons, ...

8/28/1999 10:00pm "Don't tell me there is a Hurricane coming toward Florida. It will ruin the Labor Day picnic on Picnic Island that we planned," said Pine Island Lizzie. "We've been working on this all summer! Now, what will we do?" "It ain't coming here," said Indianapolis Irene, "I mean the latest forecast has it hitting the Florida East Coast. My husband is already tying down the boat but I'm not scared! I'm worried more about losing Andrew Luck." ""I've got a bad feeling about this one," said Boston Bob. "Commodore boatguy reminded us at breakfast that Dorian is acting a lot like Andrew did in 1992." "He ain't no weather forecaster. He's just a curmudgeon," said Indy Irene. "I'll stick with those professionals at the Weather Center." "He was plenty right about Irma. He said it wasn't going to hit us as hard as that Matt Dimmwit on local TV...

So there we were our happy group of Dead End Yacht Club members, a cool beverage in all our hands. We toasted our dearly departed former members and drank heartily to their future, wherever they were.  We had eaten and drunk our fill at the Pelican but we weren't completely finished. Normally we would have let the Reverend take us over to the Nauti Parrot but no one mentioned it until we saw Captain Mike, First Mate Tracy, and Cleveland Jack come into the Back Bay aboard the mighty fish killer, "the Honey Badger!"  We followed them to Faulty Scams Marina where they unloaded two charters and all the fish they were allowed under the law. The charter's held up enormous Red Groupers for Mate Tracy to take pictures. That will certainly be on their website and Facebook page, Honey Badger's Charters. ( https:// honeybadger fishing.com ) The Reverend will never dock there on account of the way they treated their bookkeeper. So we went around San Carl...

"So the over abiding question, me Lads, where does it rain more, County Cork or Fort Myers Beach," asked Paddy O'Donnelan as he took down his Hurricane shutters. As you know Paddy just finished a 6-week bus tour of the Free States. By which he means the Southern Irish country. "I have no idea but I'm going to guess it is Fort Myers Beach," said Paddy's good friend and loyal beer holder, Boston Bob. "I have no idea either but I think you are an idiot to take the shutters down just before Hurricane season," said Run-aground Ralph. "It's too dark in there with them up and I need light on my old bones," said Paddy. "It rained for 43 out of 42 days we were in Ireland. The damned rain followed us all around the country." Not to besmirch Paddy's reputation or nothing but he tends to exaggerate a bit. After all, he is a direct import from the old Sod. Ruddy faced and bulbous nosed, Ginger hair, gone to Gray an...

This is the photo that got your Commodore; boatguy Ed,  barred/banned from the Rainbow Room? Who could have seen this coming? Of course, you can use the front door no matter your sexual identification or dress! Some of the DECYC objected to passing under this awning? Don't worry! Your friends and neighbors won't think  you have gone over to the rainbow side just for attending  one of the many events put on by the LGBT Community? Just avoid the drinks with Banana sculptures! This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only.  & Strictly Satire!   Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.   Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a vehicle or heavy machinery. Keep sending those great questions and comments! (Contact) boatguyed@gmail.com  

The Mary Winter Band played out by the dock at the Pukin' Pelican while we ate our hor' d'oeuvres! Texarkana Hanna even shared a bite of her Jalapeno Poppers because she thought I was burning up. I was sweating mighty good from the 'Sudden Death' wings that weren't really sudden death to me. More like 'hotter than hell' but certainly not Sudden! Since the Pukin Pelican added Pizza by the slice to the menu we all ordered two of different styles. Hanna got white Pizza with Artichoke Hearts and Mushrooms. Crunchy and Ralph split one slice each of cheese. Boston Bob ordered two of the seafood Pizza slices that had Lobster, the Reverend wanted the works and I had two Pepperoni, Italian Sausage, and extra cheese. I took a Lactaid to control the gas since I'm now Lactose intolerant. They work good! We intended to go out to listen to Mary play music on the dock but the A.C. welded us onto our chairs. Crazy Alice made sure we were well attended and ...

So there we were our happy group of Yacht Club members with a cool beverage in all our hands. We toasted our dearly departed former members and drank heartily to their future, wherever they were.  Hannah from Texarkana started off the catching up with a colorful description of the last scoundrel she had thought was her true love. He wasn't and she was several thousands of dollars poorer. They had met in Church, the Third Day Resurrection church of West Lick, Texas. "We met a wake for a dear old friend of my first husband," said Hannah. "It was a Military Funeral with the flags and color guard and the bugler playing taps." "The husband with all the money," asked Alice from behind the bar. "She's only had one husband with any money, Alice! And you stay out of our conversation, please," said Run-aground Ralph. "Anyway Beaugard was wearing his Army uniform with so many ribbons that I couldn't eve...

We gathered on my dock for a happy hour tour just the other day. All the members of the Dead End Canal Yacht Club who could make it were excited. It had been a while since we joined together to lift a glass and eat a chicken wing. In the past, we would have needed two or three boats but today we all fit on the 'Reverends' 24-foot pontoon. We meet more frequently in Hospital waiting rooms or Funeral Homes these days. Many members have lost spouses and a few of our members swallowed the big anchor. That is why it has been hard to write an upbeat blog about a group of boating nuts who aren't doing much boating anymore. During an audit of the membership, we found that the majority of members don't own a boat anymore which isn't a prerequisite for membership but it is sad. Some joined boat clubs, some gave it up altogether while others quit the club completely. The reasons for this radical change ranged from "My wife made me do it," to "My healt...

It's all make-believe but anything they put in the Old Fishmonger will be supported by a few of the old crowd. We've nearly forgiven Mary and Nick for selling/leasing the best place for fresh fish on the West Coast of Florida, almost! After 30 years Mary was burned out and a part-time Grandmother. She went full-time and we understand but enough is enough! Call it the RAGGED ASS SALOON FMB! We don't care! This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only.  Strictly Satire!  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.   Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a vehicle or heavy machinery. Keep sending those great questions and comments! (Contact) boatguyed@gmail.com 

" DO SOMETHING" shouted the crowd over and over at the Ohio Governor Sunday night. He was the only politician who agreed to speak to the obviously angry crowd in Dayton, Ohio. No Senators or Congressppl got up. The anger of a thousand voices drowned him out and it surprised me, an expat from Pennsyltucky! Maybe it takes a mass killing to wake up Ohioans but WHY! Mass Shooting Map Since Sandy Hook (New York Times) "DO SOMETHING" Damnit. "DO SOMETHING"! Congress is broken and Moscow Mitch McConnell stands in the way of every piece of legislation Donald Trump is against. Right now I am watching a wooden, teleprompter reading President Donald Trump speaking to truth nut will he stick with this intelligent approach. He's willing to suspend the rights of shooters so they can be executed quickly. BUT NOT DO UNIVERSAL BACKGROUND CHECKS. He Blessed America and everyone in it but didn't raise the assault gun ban or his racist rhetoric. He...

So I was watching the CBS Morning show and was shocked to learn that some of our members were binge drinkers. An expert Doctor was espousing the facts uncovered by extensive research on older drinkers. It seems that old farts that drink every day and have more than 5 alcoholic beverages are binge drinkers. She explained that alcohol has a greater effect on old ppl than young ppl and I realized she was right. An old man drinking 5 beers is equal to a young man drinking 10 or 12! What a bargain! That is if you drink a full power beer. If you drink Bud Light, for instance, you can drink a barrel full compared to five Pabst Blue Ribbons or Budweisers or Linglings. So if your looking for a kidney cleanse stick with Bud Light. The study also recommends a light snack while binging, commonly called an appetizer if you are drinking during happy hour. Restaurants also like selling appetizers because they are good for the customers (absorbs some alcohol) and good for the bottom line. For ...