Local Shrimp

Several “Dead End Canal Yacht Club” members met for lunch at the Pukin Pelican' for lunch the other day. We had reviewed the Auditors report of our clubs financing and were undecided about the looming shortfall. Several wanted a special assessment while others want a rise in dues.

We set that aside to satisfy our rumbling tummies. All of us wanted the Pelican the meatball sub that had a special sauce. It is expensive for lunch, $7.99 w/o a salad or fries but the meatballs hung over the roll and the cheese ran down the sides. We retirees have to be careful with our money so we can go to happy hour on the days we don't exercise the boat.

 Crazy Alice is back. She used to be the manager/owner until she had a falling out with the real owners but now she's just a waitress wearing her portable oxygen pump. “That must be great for tips,” Cap'n Crunch remarked snarkily. Alice mumbled, F#@k you! “Did you hear what she said to me?” We all repeated her words so he knew we heard her. Then we had to apologize to the women sitting a few tables away.

There had been bad blood between them and Crunchie boycotted the Pelican when Alice ran it. He'd returned when she left but was half assed considering doing it again. We'd agreed that if he would it would be another item in the plus column over the new Nauti Parrot. He was still welcome there and since most of us considered him a wholly unpopular member, the place that 'boycotted' him would be our new favorite.

Alice moved on to two shrimpers w/o taking our orders. “Let's see if they order the shrimp Po' boy,” said Erie Earl. He liked the fairly expensive sandwich during the winter because he worked part time back at the Post Office and the shrimp boats were unloading locally so the shrimp might not be Indonesian sewage shrimp.

“They won't eat shrimp from Vietnam when they catch fresh Gulf pink shrimp,” I said By then Alice had finished and returned. We ordered 7 meatball subs and one veggie sprout burger for Hanna. “What did the Shrimpers order,” Bob asked?

“That is confidential information, privileged like on CSI Fort Myers Beach,” she said. Bob persisted, “Did they order shrimp?”

“Is he fuckin' kidding me,' she said as she finished up typing in her littler computer. “Okay, your orders are in. I'm going on break to have a smoke.”

As she walked away, Cap'n Crunch said, “At-boy, you old cracker girl! Don't let ANYNODY tell you what to do!”

So I was curious, what the odds of a Fort Myers Beach restaurant serving locally sourced Gulf Pink Shrimp? I whipped out my new Samsung Galaxy 12 phone. It has more stuff than my 5 year old desktop. “Baby Doll, (she's my personal assistant) how many shrimp are landed annually in the U.S. Of A.?”

Baby Doll pulled up Google cloud and the answer came up for year 2015. There were 199,476,000 lbs of heads off shrimp caught in US in 2015. “Thank You Baby Doll, now how many lbs of shrimp were imported?” Once again Baby Doll pulled up Google cloud and the answer came up for year 2015, 1,664,556 ,000! “Over a billion and a half to not even 2 hundred million and it is all because of price!”

How can they do that? They dig huge lakes, add salt, antibiotics, raise animals so their dung can be used as food and iodine to make them appear shrimp like! “Enough already,” said Crunchie, “nobody in the club eats shrimp in restaurants anymore.”

“A bartender over at the Nauti Parrot told me that they had signed a contract with Trico Shrimp to supply shrimp to their two restaurants,” said Boston Bob. We all agreed that was good news.

If you know for a fact that other Beach restaurants are selling local shrimp, please send the names to boatguyEd@gmail.com!

This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. All images are merely for humor and not meant to comment on subject. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a vehicle or heavy machinery. Keep sending those great questions and comments! (Contact) boatguied@aol.com