Sunday Morning

 “I thought I'd never have another home,” said Monongahela Maureen several days before this get together. Mo is 'Pittsboig' Joe's wife. They are the newest non-retired residence of the Dead End Canal and therefore club members despite what some of us think.

He loves his new boat, a 24' center console fishing boat with a 275 Yamaha hung on the stern. He is an Industrial Engineer and she is a college professor. They have three grown children because they started young. Happily married and really enjoy their own company as long as they are fishing.

It's been a frustrating year and a half for Joe. First he bought the wrong boat, a pontoon isn't a fishing boat but it got him used to our inshore waters. He wanted to catch fish so he traded up to the 24 footer and if his 50 mile runs offshore doesn't beat them up, he'll catch the big ones.

“I heard them go by at 5:30 am,” said Texarkana Hanna, “I was already making coffee for my house guest so it wasn't a big deal.”

“You better leave them working fishermen alone,” said Mrs. Earl.

“I like old guys who wear white boots and still can work hard. It helps keep everything else hard,” said Hanna. “We ended up tying one on at the Moose after the Christmas boat parade. Of course it don't take that much to tie us down anymore.”

“Grumble, mumble, ruminate and spit,” said Cap'n Crunch. “Lousy parade if you asked me!” We hadn't and never would but he is like a Plains Indian who rides his pony around the wagons and occasionally makes a nonsensical remark punctuated by a flaming arrow. He is still feuding with Hanna but he really has the hots for her.

“I sure hope 'Pittsboig' Joe brings some fish back tonight,” said Erie Earl. “He owes me a couple of nice Hogfish fillets from our last trip. He was taking them back to my house but he stopped off at the Bar that we won't mention and gave them away to some tourists.”

“He's way to generous and he won't let you chip in for gas and he even buys the beer,” said 'Boston' Bob. “Isn't that why you quit going, boatguy? He wanted you to drink Genesee Cream Ale?”

“I don't like to drink and fish offshore for several reasons but mostly cause it dehydrates the body. I wait until I hit the dock and then have one of my Pabst Blue Ribbon tall boys. And I won't drink in either of Salty Sam's bars either because you guys no why...”

“Our Past Commodore is a man of principal but you forget, boatguy, that you boycotting those places really hurts their young employees,” said Hanna.

“I'm not trying to hurt anyone. Even mentioning them in my blog isn't intended to do harm, especially to the young bartenders who blow their tips on exotic shots every night after work. Have you noticed they're all apartment hunting again now that the snowbirds are back,” said I.

“You're just stubborn,” said Cap'n Crunch. “You've been exiled from half of the watering holes on and around the beach.”

“And many of the ones left don't sell Pabst. My favorite is Gator Bites, Tail and Ale on the way to Sanibel. It's a real neighborhood tavern with a lot of class and it has PBR tall boys!”

“Thanks for the coffee,” said Boston and the Mrs. as they got up to leave the clubhouse (my garage). “Must be time for your wife to get out of church so we'll see you at the Pelican ('Pukin' Pelican) for the Oyster roast and NFL football and the PBR.”

Ain't life grand!

This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. All images are merely for humor and not meant to comment on subject. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a vehicle or heavy machinery. Keep sending those great questions and comments! (Contact) boatguied@aol.com