She isn't really a progressive nor Lesbian but that is what Cap'n Crunch calls her

We sat around the picnic tables at the 'Pukin' Pelican' eating lunch under a large, tattered umbrella. We, the Progressive wing of the “Dead End Canal Yacht Club” had not ventured out much publicly since that horrible event. You know!

We were celebrating the end of the college football season and anticipating the playoffs to determine the best, absolutely best college football team in America. Just as with that past horrible election, we were sure who would win but that was because the second selection was much more scientific than first.

Our waitress, Gabrielle, voted against us in that first election. Despite my being as depressed as hearing the sappy song, “I'll be home for Christmas” while I knew I wouldn't and because I was an ocean away and in the Army, I tried to make a joke.

“Gabby, are you ready to sell me your guns?” She ignored me even though her eyes told me to have sex with myself and she was right not to jeopardize her tip.

“That's why we get lousy service here,” said Boston Bob. “”Quit trying to antagonize her or
we'll have to sit out here everyday, not just while they are decorating the Christmas Tree.”

“The Alt-Right told her that Hillary would confiscate her guns so I made her a fair offer because Clinton wasn't going to take progressives guns... She's one of the smartest girls Alice has but she's still from North Fort Myers,” I said.

“Why do you look down your nose on them,” asked Bakersfield Benny.

I wondered when the last time any of them asked how was our day or how are you doing. I wondered why they have two levels of service. First being efficient and aloof and second hanging at the service bar chatting with the other young females and pretty much ignoring customers especially when the bar is slow.

“You bring it on yourself by arguing with the Alt-Right. Just keep your opinions to yourself and service will improve,” said Meadville Marty.

Just then, Alice, the partner/owner/manager came out to smoke a cigarette. “Just wanted to let you know a couple of things,” she said aloud in her raspy, cigarette damaged voice, “Alabama was selected for the first team in the playoffs and we're almost done with decorating.” She plopped down at our table and cheerily greeted every member but me.

Our group of progressives tried to make small talk but she zeroed in on me, ”Where you been boatguy? Did the election finally sink in?”

“I've been drinking with a more intelligent group...” “Is that right, probably in your garage with your crying towel,” Alice said.

“I thought that Trump's election would have been the most surprising event in 2016 but I was wrong... your survival in this business ranks right up there. Better places than this have gone out of business yet you hang in here.”

“I've got the formula, good food, good drinks, good prices and the best view on the back bay,” she said as she waved her hand like Moses parting the Red Sea.

The rest of the table murmured disagreement but none spoke up except Meadville Marty, “I always thought the Fish Monger had great food...”

Boston Bob jumped in, “The Channel Mark and the ten failed restaurants that have been in that building have as good or better view than this and none last more than a few years.”

New Jersey George and wife Gayle told of their love of Skip One Seafood. “Their staff were professional and friendly. They knew your name the second time you came in.”

“Boot Kickens was about a dollar an item cheaper than you but they never had a clue. Completely out of their league. That name too closely resembled Boot Kickers BBQ at Salty Sam's which has bad reviews,” said Texarkana Hanna our 66 year old honorary, progressive Lesbian. (She isn't really a progressive nor Lesbian but that is what Cap'n Crunch says.)

“I may not be the best in any one category but I rank at the top of them all,”said Alice, “and if you don't like it here, go someplace else!”

“There she goes, Miss Independence! All summer long she's been whining how bad business was and with the arrival of the snowbirds, she forget us who brought her thru...!”

PS; The final 4 officially are Alabama, Clemson, Ohio State and Washington!

This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. All images are merely for humor and not meant to comment on subject. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a vehicle or heavy machinery. Keep sending those great questions and comments! (Contact) boatguied@aol.com