Merry Christmas out of the Wayback Machine 2004

Boating; From the Archives 2004

by boatguy Ed

“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose, Yule tide carols being sung by a choir and folks dressed up like Eskimos….” Yes Virginia this is my Christmas column but have no fear because there is plenty of bah humbug in it for all us Grinch's.

This is one heck of a time of year, I’ll tell you! Red suited, white bearded men everywhere and Christmas lights on everything including boats parading all around. It seems that there is a Christmas party nearly every night and the diet has flown the coop in the face of eggnog and cookies and the many toasts to friends and acquaintances.

Some of us had all the presents bought last summer but we men will still buy some of our presents on Christmas Eve. That is when some of the best sales of the season take place but it isn’t that we are frugal, just procrastinators!

Not to miss out on the holiday sales West Marine and the other discount boat stores have been running some spectacular stocking stuffer sales. Many a boater have visions of hand held GPS’ dancing in their head as they nod off watching “The Christmas Story,” We all know that movies as the BB gun movie and it has some really good snow scenes.

So does “It’s a wonderful Life” but I find that movie to be a bit of a bummer even though the Angel makes everything okay in the end and the hero realizes that he has helped so many people. I prefer George C. Scott in “Scrooge” which is a truly redeeming story. There are so many good movies about Christmas and I hope some of them are a comfort to our troops.

Not many movies about boating rescues on Christmas but I am sure that somewhere in this country the U.S. Coast Guard will go out into a raging gale to rescue some mothers son so he can be home for Christmas. They may not be wearing Santa suits but orange survival suits as they pluck people off floundering sailboats or sinking fishing boats or powerless ocean going container ships. They practice the real meaning of these holidays, unselfish giving.

This is the best time for music, too! “I’m dreaming of a White Christmas” won’t be far off this year with one arctic blast after another shooting across the nation and even into Florida. I’m not whining but if I hear one more person say, “I’ve gotta move farther south,” I’ll become extremely agitated! All we have further south is the Keys and Cuba. Welcome to the Florida Keys is just a hollow saying these days.

Marathon, Florida in the Keys was a welcoming refuge to cruising sailors, right up until they widened the highway and started the building boom. Now you have to provide a financial statement to anchor in Boot Key harbor. Even though the jobs now pay a buck or two more an hour than surrounding areas there is a labor shortage and the newbie condo-ites complain loudly.

Oh yeah, how will we explain to Tiny Tim that we squandered his boating inheritance by allowing Scrooge like developers to pave over all the boat ramps and blanket the beach with high-rise, under-utilized boxes? What could our excuse be? Probably the same excuse as why we don’t vote. “It don’t make no difference.” Tell that to your Grand kids!

Which leads me to family and these wonderful days of family togetherness. No matter how you celebrate and with whom it is very difficult to ruin a holiday gathering. Except for the aberrations of shootings and mayhem we all get along pretty well. Families usually leave behind the deep rancor that divides some of us. Spouses and children opinions often magnify petty differences. So bury the hatchet this year but not in a family member.

We Floridians will be staying close to all the boats this year but we plan to video conference with the northern family while we sing the 12 days of Christmas on Christmas Eve. You see my family always celebrated the night before to accommodate the in-laws. We are that kind of family and we all

(2004 Archived Column)

still speak to each other unlike a lot of the people. But I won’t go into that because I still have family in the old country.

We all have things to be happy about this holiday season whether we celebrate Hanukkah, Kwanzaa or the birth of Christ. You might have to dig down deep in your kit after the devastating hurricanes but if you can read this then you’re alive and hopefully well. This may not be politically correct so I’m just going to quote Tiny Tim and say, “God bless everyone!”

Boat safe and send questions and comments to boatguiEd@ail.com.