Boating is...by boatguy Ed Fort Myers Beach is a satirical site!

I sure hope you and yours are okay after Irma tore through Florida. Sorry for not updating this blog more often but we were all discombobulated for a while. No one on the 'Dead End Canal' died or suffered major damage although everyone suffered some. Seawalls, trees and pool cages were the worst hit along the canal. Roof tiles and shingles flew around and crashed against the streets and houses. Most of us left. We did too but only to take advantage of our Son and Daughter-in-Law's second story in case those hysterical weather-holes were some how right about the scientifically impossible storm surge. My wife and I stayed to see all the boats in the canal low and dry. No water, where did it go? Sunday, we split for higher ground, reluctantly. No one had power since early Sunday morning. FPL you assholes! So we sat in front of their open front door and watched the 'cane go by thanks to their recessed alcove! Cell phone service stopped early Monday morning...

What is a 'Snug Harbor?' Merriman-Webster's Dictionary defines a snug harbor as a cozy comfortable retreat;  especially   :   a home for retired seamen. That isn't it at all! I have always thought of it as a secure cove with good holding ground for one or two anchors and easy access to the beach or town. My fellow 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' members have different definition depending on their financial status and type of boat. Most sailors agree with my description. The holding ground (bottom) is most important. Not many anchorages have everything. If you have chartered in 'the islands,' you've probably seen the chart of the nearby islands and their anchorages desirability rating. Some use a scale of 1 to 10, others A to Z but all are very helpful. It's very tempting to pass up a crowded anchorage for an empty cove but you'd better check the rating. If a rock slide had covered the bottom near shore during a long forgotten...

We welcomed the 'Reverend' back from Corpus Christi, Texas last night with a fish dinner at the 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' club house which is my triple wide garage. Wife gets one end and since I park my truck outside, the club gets the first two for the meetings and beer kegs. “I almost wish I could start drinking again,” said the Reverend as he sipped on his Mountain Dew, “the things I've seen is the Devil's work.” “I thought it was Climate change,” said Run-aground Ralph sarcastically. The way we glowered at him made him go for another free Bud Lite. 'Hypocrite' the Reverend mumbled as Ralph walked away. “I 'tasked' (text ask) him for a donation while I was out there and he said 'He gave at the office.' He's a Christian in name only, him and that Cap'n Crunch.” The Rev went back to the Butter and Onion Grouper. It is his favorite and we've had the Grouper on ice for quite a while. Texarkana Hanna...

The oldest living member of the 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' is named 'Tail Gunner Joe' because he was a crew member on Flying Fortress' over Europe. His favorite war movie is Catch 22 even though he thinks it is silly and isn't sure what is really trying to say. Carol married him in 1946 after he was through with all of that. She died last year at the age of 91. She had lived with her youngest daughter off and on for the last fifteen years. Carol suffered from Dementia and finally died in a Florida nursing facility. She hadn't recognized Joe in years. Joe would only talk to the women members about Carol but we got the story second hand. She wrote him during his second tour. She was in High School but they became enamored with each other quickly. “She was wise beyond her years and in her last letters to her soldier she planned their wedding,” our wives told us. Joe bailed out over Germany while returning from a raid late in that war. All but tw...

“Do you wonder what or who you were in a previous life,” someone will always ask at the Dead End Canal Yacht Club Pirate Night party.  http://www.culpeppernautical.com/home The fog always appears in the person's eyes as they try to remember. A mist surrounding a harbor light or the fog of warm air over snow on a mountain pass. Sometimes the answer given is more information than the questioner ever wanted. Not everyone could have been a Roman General or Cleopatra's handmaiden but many believe they were. If I was, I don't remember. And I don't really believe in reincarnation but way back in some memory cubbyhole of my mind there is a vague feeling of being shot at and mostly missed, but shit at and mostly hit. Nothing I can put a finger on. The sensation is magnified by my occasional visits to Culpepper & Company Nautical Antiques, Lighting and Decor located in West Palm Beach. From the very first time I stumbled into that run down converted ...

Several “Dead End Canal Yacht Club” members met for lunch at the Pukin Pelican' for lunch the other day. We had reviewed the Auditors report of our clubs financing and were undecided about the looming shortfall. Several wanted a special assessment while others want a rise in dues. We set that aside to satisfy our rumbling tummies. All of us wanted the Pelican the meatball sub that had a special sauce. It is expensive for lunch, $7.99 w/o a salad or fries but the meatballs hung over the roll and the cheese ran down the sides. We retirees have to be careful with our money so we can go to happy hour on the days we don't exercise the boat.  Crazy Alice is back. She used to be the manager/owner until she had a falling out with the real owners but now she's just a waitress wearing her portable oxygen pump. “That must be great for tips,” Cap'n Crunch remarked snarkily. Alice mumbled, F#@k you! “Did you hear what she said to me?” We all repeated her words so he knew...

Boating is...by boatguy Ed Fort Myers Beach: Not so funny Boating Stories!