Boating is...by boatguy Ed Fort Myers Beach is a satirical site!

Boating is...by boatguy Ed While waiting for a 'friendly dock' to open at the Pukin' Pelican last weekend, I and the gang were sitting back while allowing more impatient boaters to go in front of us. It was a whole 10 minutes before an up current dock opened and we slid into the slip and allowed the outgoing tide to carry us over to our spot. At the bar we were accosted by a skipper we allowed to take one of the 'unfriendly docks'. He was miffed that we'd set him up to bang into the pilings. Point in fact, he was right. We had given up our place in the docking queue because of the way the tide was running. “ Why did you do that to me,” said the skipper wearing the Wisconsin Badger's t-shirt. The Reverend tried to explain, “I'm sorry you feel that way, Sir, but we were waiting for a larger dock to open up. My Tri-toon is a full 8 foot six inches wide and we wanted all the extra space possible.” “ Bilge water,” said the of

When I was in Germany defending General Depot Kaiserslautern from the imminent Russian invasion there was an entirely believable scuttlebutt about a nuclear device buried in the middle of the vast storage depot. The big BOOM was scheduled to go off when the Ruskies were at the front gate. Obviously it never was used and eventually all the military hardware stored there became obsolete. If it is still there, I'm sure Trump will disable it! This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.  All images are merely for humor and not meant to comment on subject.  Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a vehicle or heavy machinery. Keep sending those great questions and comments! (Contact) boatguyed@gmail.com

Gathering fun stuff about our members. Contact me at boatguyed@gmail.com

Our neighborhood, commonly referred to as the 'Canal' isn't age restricted but it is deed restricted. The deed was written right after Hurricane Donna in the 1960's mostly to prevent ppl from bringing in trailers to replace the damaged homes. Insurance wasn't what it is today and many residents never rebuilt on the middle of the island. Over the years there have been additions to the restrictions but it is still a fairly simple place to live. The association doesn't nitpick every little flower or color change on your front door. Some of us go overboard during the holidays and others do almost nothing.  There are enough Hanukkah candles in the windows to make us feel good about our diversity and even a few Happy Kwanzaa wishes. Now we have our first family from a Muslim nation but no one knows anything about them so wild rumors abound and base fears are rampant. We went through this when Doctor Lump bought next door to Run-aground Ralph. He wa

As we nine members of the Dead End Canal Yacht Club sat down at two picnic tables on the deck of the Pukin' Pelican, a woman noticed Cleveland Jack's Cleveland Indian's hat. “O H,” she said and Jack blurted out the other half of the state name, “I O!” “Are you having a farewell party too,” asked the white haired snowbird woman from Ohio asked.  boatguyed@gmail.com Jack shook his head and asked what part of O H I O she was from. “Columbus, huh,” said Jack. “Go Buckeyes, beat Michigan!” From the other end of their picnic table a couple booed. “Florida makes strange bedfellows,” Jack said to the Ohio woman. She shrugged. “I thought they went home,” I said despondently. “I heard that,” the Ohio woman said, “are you one of them that wants our money but that's all?” “Some of us don't even don't want you money,“ said Boston Bob. “We love to see you come but we'd rather you stop at the top of the Sky Bridge and leave your money on the yellow li

boatguyed@gmail.com When we arrived at the Pukin' Pelican Waterfront Bar and Eatery it was Happy Hour so it was packed with Snowbirds trying to get their fill of cheap drinks. Some draft Beer is $1.75. Bottles are $2.50 and well drinks and wines are $2.75 for a limited time. There is always a frozen drink in a tall glass with a garnish of fruit on top on special. We waited for another boat to move away from the finger pier before docking which delayed us considerably. Upon entering, Cleveland Jack shouted that he had saved us a table for the eight of us but some West Virginia gray hairs had sat down with the promise to move when we arrived. Not all of them did. There was two women who were claiming possession despite their husband's pleas. So we squeezed into the table around them. boatguyed@gmail.com Pensacola Slim got them to move with one question, “Do you buy your pancake make up by the pound or bucket?” There was a bit of a scene but they were gone. But the

I won't identify which of my favorite bar/restaurants this Pepperoni Flat Bread originated. They might recognize it and maybe get the point. I realize it isn't a Pizza so the amount of Pepperoni on this $9.95 (half eaten as shown) Marinara covered, over cooked item is completely arbitrary but really? Thanks for the butter knife and fork but they wouldn't cut thru some of the crust w/o stabbing in a few times. Lil' Caesar spoiled me with their double Pepperoni Pizza for $6 while using Pizza sauce. (Hint; this is definitely NOT from the Pukin' Pelican!)   This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.  All images are merely for humor and not meant to comment on subject.  Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a vehicle or heavy machinery. Keep sending those great questions and comments! (Contact) boatguied@aol.

Does Anyone Else Remember The Split Rail Restaurant? It was once a favorite place for beach ppl for breakfast and lunch. Us younger members of the “Dead End Canal Yacht Club” could pull our small boats up to the rickety dock and have a beer and a few chicken wings in the late afternoon. I'm sure you've guessed that I write of a long ago era before happy hours became the rage. Circa 1990! My wife, Marion and I lived at the Boardwalk Caper which was a boater's paradise but not on the DEC. We ate breakfast often at the Split Rail and I attribute much of my heart problems to those delicious heart cloggers. Me, myself and I ate there three mornings a week for a solid 15 years because my office was on the beach. I'm not sure how many Greek immigrants began washing dishes so they could learn to bus tables then run the fryer and fry the eggs before becoming the owner but I remember a half dozen. It used to be a great way to chain migrate to America but all good

A recent Facebook Post by me stirred the “Dead End Canal yacht Club” pot for sure. I came across an article, U.S. Combat Advisers in Vietnam Knew the Score and Got Ignored; American officers advising the South Vietnamese Army repeatedly warned Washington that the war was misguided. This, they quickly learned, was the fast track to career suicide. The article, first posted on the Daily Beast, caused much debate among our 'DECYC' members. I belong to the half who served. Opinions were further divided because some agreed with the idea that we lost in Vietnam even before the French surrendered . Here is the link to the complete piece. https://www.thedailybeast.com/us-combat-advisers-in-vietnam-knew-the-score-and-got-ignored-3?source=facebook&via=desktop but if you don't know how to copy and paste into your browser, forget it! In addition there is a link to a book and a movie about a Lt. Colonel Vann who got it right, right in the neck for speaking up!