Boating is...by boatguy Ed Fort Myers Beach is a satirical site!

Super Bowl party preparation is underway at the Dead End Canal Yacht Club. Since we don't want to be on the roads or water after the game, The Rev is away visiting frozen relatives, we are going to watch the game at the clubhouse. “We need a bigger television set in the Clubhouse,” said Punxy Phil. “I could bring my 60 incher?” “The Bearded Clam breast-a-raunt is having a 100 wing take-out special,” said hard Luck Hannah. “A buck a piece with blue cheese and celery.” “I think the 50 inch television is just fine in the small double wide garage. From the informal poll we took there probably won't be more than 20 of us,” I said. “Some of us are going to the Big Game Waterfront Bar and Grill for the free foamy Bud Light (until the keg is gone) while others are going to the Pukin' Pelican for their greasy pulled pork special. I'm in for the wing special!” “Is Run-aground Ralph or Cap'n Crunch coming to the clubhouse,” asked Hannah. We explained that

Two Januraies in a row the weather was beautiful. Now, is payback time! Boatguy Ed ( boatguiEd@aol.com ) is the manufacturer of the worlds BEST anti-fouling bottom paint,  www.supershipbottom.com ....  Former Producer, Director, Co-Star and the guy who swept up on the "Boating Show" 1995 to 2000.  Producer/Director/Editor of "Dining out SWFL" and "Boater's Treasures TV." TWEET me @boatguyed and a corresponding web site is  http://www.boatingbyboatguyed.com/  ........ NEVER, EVER TRY TO BUY HIM A DRINK! This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.  Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Keep sending those great questions and comments to boatguiEd@aol.com.

Abandoned cruiser liner drifts toward Great Britain A ghost ship reportedly carrying nothing but disease-ridden, cannibalizing rats could be about to make land in Great Britain, experts have warned. Whole Story..... http://www.tradeonlytoday.com/2014/01/abandoned-cruiser-liner-drifts-great-britain/ Boatguy Ed ( boatguiEd@aol.com ) is the manufacturer of the worlds BEST anti-fouling bottom paint,  www.supershipbottom.com ....  Former Producer, Director, Co-Star and the guy who swept up on the "Boating Show" 1995 to 2000.  Producer/Director/Editor of "Dining out SWFL" and "Boater's Treasures TV." TWEET me @boatguyed and a corresponding web site is  http://www.boatingbyboatguyed.com/  ........ NEVER, EVER TRY TO BUY HIM A DRINK! This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.  Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating

A very wise and successful restaurant owners advise. Like not buying from cheap purveyors. When the Onion rings are crap.... Never be cheap where guests are concerned.  The most important money you will spend is money that adds value to the guest. Determine a percentage of your revenue to put into improvements that affect the guest and constantly enhance their experience. At Uchi we don’t spend money on advertising or marketing but we run a very high level of comps. We give away gift cards and send a lot of complimentary dishes to tables. Guests love when a dish comes out and the server says, “The chef wanted you to try this,” because that creates a real connection and makes the experience personal. Make sure you spend as much money as possible on the guest experience. Spend money on the people already in your restaurant, because that’s the best way to generate genuinely positive word of mouth. Obviously No One at the Pukin' Pelican has ever known this!

You're a 19 year old kid. You're critically wounded and dying in the jungle somewhere in the Central Highlands of Viet Nam. It's November 11, 1967. LZ (landing zone) X-ray. Your unit is outnumbered 8-1 and the enemy fire is so intense from 100 yards away, that your CO (commanding officer) has ordered the Med Evac helicopters to stop coming in.  You're lying there, listening to the enemy machine guns and you know you're not getting out. Your family is half way around the world, 12,000 miles away, and you'll never see them again. As the world starts to fade in and out, you know this is the day.   Then - over the machine gun noise - you faintly hear that sound of a helicopter. You look up to see a Huey coming in. But.. It doesn't seem real because no MedEvac markings are on it. Captain Ed Freeman is coming in for you. He's not MedEvac so it's not his job, but he heard the radio call and decided he's flying his Huey down

We were fishing in the Pass while our dogs played on the Beach when Punxsutawney Phil shouted, “Holy crap did you see that?” Jersey Joe and I spun around expecting a big fish to be flopping on the back deck but instead saw a 'sand rooster tail' shooting up behind a center console rental boat. “What an idiot,” shouted Phil. “He made it over the bar! Lucky for him but bad as hell for the motor. They must be shook up because they're just sitting in deeper water,” said Joe. “There they go, heading for home. I'll bet they don't tell ##### #### Marina* about their misadventure,” I said. “Must be related to Run-aground Ralph. Why would they cut that corner with waves breaking over the bar?” We laughed at Joe's reference. “Lets get the dogs aboard and have some chicken wings at the ###### #####**.” The dogs were wet but they bedded down under a sun blanket while we went to get chicken wings. To our surprise the 'sand rooster tail' coupl

Notice; The Dead End Canal Yacht Club Winter Gala has been postponed because of the cold weather? Really? For updates send email question to boatguiEd@aol.com Boatguy Ed ( boatguiEd@aol.com ) is the manufacturer of the worlds BEST anti-fouling bottom paint,  www.supershipbottom.com ....  Former Producer, Director, Co-Star and the guy who swept up on the "Boating Show" 1995 to 2000.  Producer/Director/Editor of "Dining out SWFL" and "Boater's Treasures TV." TWEET me @boatguyed and a corresponding web site is  http://www.boatingbyboatguyed.com/  ........ NEVER, EVER TRY TO BUY HIM A DRINK! This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.  Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Keep sending those great questions and comments to boatguiEd@aol.com.

"This is terrible! Where did this weather come from," said Hard Luck Hannah from Texarkana. "Oh posh, a few days of cold weather is payment for our beautiful weather the rest of the year," said the Reverend. "This was a stupid idea to come to the Pukin' Pelican just to see some one I've never heard of," Hannah said, "I'm freezing and the curtains are down and the place is jammed. Why am I cold?" “ I agree with you Hannay,” said Hot Tamale. I was feeling the breeze, too. I started looking around and noticed that some of the fans on the outside deck were blade-less. Then it hit me, they weren't blade-less, they were ON! Our table was directly beneath a whirling fan hung from the ceiling. My problem solving brain engaged and I looked for a way to turn them off. There weren't pull strings visible so I assumed there was one central switch that controlled them. “Anyone see Joe?” “ What are you talking,” sai

It’s hard to begrudge a man for having a passion for sailing. But you can begrudge him when he’s a novice who buys a sailboat and takes it on a solo shakedown cruise on a moonless night, guided only by the GPS on his cellphone. It didn't go well as you might have suspected. http://www.soundingsonline.com/dispatches/291566-video-a-novice-sailor-and-a-moonless-night

A Continuation … ...Has boating become the big disappointment? (See Part One) On a recent outing to the Pukin' Pelican we were approached by a newbie to Fort Myers Beach. He arrived at our table with a pitcher of Bud Light (what most of the Dead End Canal Yacht Club members drink) and asked to sit into our bullshit session.... “ You sailors have titties on your brain,” said our waitress who was eavesdropping while cleaning away the remnants of our Chicken Wing feast. “ So when are we going out on the boat again,” said Sailor Ed. He ducked out of the way as the greasy chicken bone whizzed passed his head. “ Maybe I should just leave my boat on the lift and come here and hope for smart, lively reparte,” said the stranger. “ This isn't all we do all day, we were fishing this morning. Some of our 'boat club' members were in St. James City for lunch. You can tell I'm telling the truth because Toledo Tony is sleeping the lunch off over in that booth,”

Has boating become the big disappointment? On a recent outing to the Pukin' Pelican we were approached by a newbie to Fort Myers Beach. He arrived at our table with a pitcher of Bud Light (what most of the Dead End Canal Yacht Club members drink) and asked to sit into our bullshit session. Up to that point we were feeling mighty good. "It feels so good to see green things." Cleveland Jack had been extolling us with tales of the frozen North and his new found appreciation of our little slice of paradise. "Eight below zero when I got on the plane. Who could live like that when there are places like this?" "I hope I'm not interrupting but then again I guess I am," said the stranger. "You see I've been vacationing on Fort Myers Beach for 15 years but just moved here full time a year and a half. boatguy Ed, I've been reading your column in the Fort Myers Beach Observer for a long time and have missed you since you stopped writing t

NEWS From BoatUS Boat Owners Association of The United States 880 S. Pickett St., Alexandria, VA 22304 BoatUS Press Room at http://www.BoatUS.com/pressroom FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Press Contact:  D. Scott Croft, 703-461-2864, SCroft@BoatUS.com Photo Available at: http://www.BoatUS.com/pressroom/previewImg/hiRes/966.jpg Photo Caption: After the storm has passed now is good time to check up on the boat, says BoatUS. After the Nation's Cold Snap, Boat Owners Should Check the Boat ALEXANDRIA, Va., January 9, 2014 -- With temperatures now rising after record lows across much of the nation, Boat Owners Association of The United States ( BoatUS ) says now may be a good time to check on your boat in winter storage, and has these five tips to ensure old man winter is kept at bay: 1. How low can she go? If your boat is stored in the water over the winter, are all of the above-water thru-hulls still well above the waterline? The weight of snow and ice can submerge above-

Cold Weather Boating is not for us Dead-Enders. Since the cool snap arrived there hasn't been a boat wake on the canal. Friday will be in the 80's and sunny. Through Tuesday it will be pleasnat and sunny! Boatguy Ed ( boatguiEd@aol.com ) is the manufacturer of the worlds BEST anti-fouling bottom paint,  www.supershipbottom.com ....  Former Producer, Director, Co-Star and the guy who swept up on the "Boating Show" 1995 to 2000.  Producer/Director/Editor of "Dining out SWFL" and "Boater's Treasures TV." TWEET me @boatguyed and a corresponding web site is  http://www.boatingbyboatguyed.com/  ........ NEVER, EVER TRY TO BUY HIM A DRINK! This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.  Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Keep sending those great questions and comments to boatguiEd@a

Here's the scenario, eager bartender/waiter/busboy takes a promotion at the Pukin' Pelican. The new assistant manager is eager, like I said, so he/she doesn't mind the 60 hours of work for less money than they were making as a peon. Soon, he/she is opening and closing and making schedules. Then disaster strikes; the manager quits/gets fired/leaves town etc. The flush of accomplishment is soon flushed down the proverbial toilet when none of the suggestions he/she makes are taken serious and a flood of complaints about the operation of the restaurant IE. food taste has to be handled way too often. The regulars love he/she and can sense something is wrong as the work week goes past 80 hours and the 'mentioned' raises never appear. The he/she is gone and a new eager bartender/waiter/busboy steps up to take the job. We regulars hope the lessons learned and the bold line on the resume is worth the hassle.  Boatguy Ed ( boatguiEd@aol.com ) is the manufac