Boating; Nude beach, does Ft. Myers Beach really need another one?
Nauti Turtle is no more... Closed May 2014
We were sitting at the Nauti Turtle watching the thunderstorms move towards us. Tim the Restorer was updating our group via WeatherBug on his smart phone, "I can't believe it! The reds (really bad) just turned to yellows (not so bad) and split. It's going around us again!"
"Okay by me," said Sweet Eileen the bartender. The bar was weekend busy so she ran off to cover the other end of the outside bar. Rain meant a loss of business.
"It's the damned sky scrapers they built on the beach," said Cracker Bob, "I've had to water my lawn ever since the Diamond Head hotel was built." It is his favorite bitch. It's not easy being the last native Floridian around.
He'd sold out ten years ago and took those 'Yankee Dollars' inland to be away from us but they built a road right through his 5 acres and gave him a new pile. So he came back looking for some more Yankee money.
Just then a gust of wind rattled the awning above the bar and Tim was back on his phone. "Another red cell just popped up the other side of Summerlin and it's moving our way."
Do we run for it or do we sit tight and wait out the rain. The outside bar would close but there were two more bars under cover. The only vote that counted was the 'Reverend's' and he was showing a young-un how to catch Lobster out of the game machine.
"I don't care," he said. "Stay or go. I'm undercover with that nice Bimini we got on the boat. So we decided to wait.
A woman approached and asked, "Is there a nude beach around here?"
"Who told you there was a nude beach," I asked her. Before she could answer our little group all joined the conspiracy. They said it was at the South end of the beach at the lands end or on Mound Key or on the sandbar that appears and disappears in Hurricane Bay but I wasn't having none of it.
In the first place she wasn't anyone who I'd want to see naked and I wasn't anyone SHE'D want to see naked. Secondly, this nude beach rumor could bring back the Europeans who think every beach is a nude beach when they change bathing suits at the water's edge. I've watched three Euros try to help an obese woman change her wet bathing suit for a dry one. "Please lord, strike me blind," I begged as she hopped up and down while attempting to get the suit, 2 sizes to small, onto her jiggling nude torso.
"Ma'am, our friend is kidding you. There isn't a designated 'Nude Beach' on Fort Myers Beach that I know of. Please ignore those rumors and have a nice day," I said but I doubted she believed me. I can't understand why tourists would spend their limited time in such a search.
I suppose that it is somehow exciting to search for a place where people who could NEVER make it in porno, are clothe-less? I gave up years ago!
The first big drop of rain convinced us to leave the boat at the Turtle and take a taxi home whenever we were ready to go!
PS; Sweet Eileen no longer works there so look for us no more!
Goodbye and or good riddance!
We were sitting at the Nauti Turtle watching the thunderstorms move towards us. Tim the Restorer was updating our group via WeatherBug on his smart phone, "I can't believe it! The reds (really bad) just turned to yellows (not so bad) and split. It's going around us again!"
"Okay by me," said Sweet Eileen the bartender. The bar was weekend busy so she ran off to cover the other end of the outside bar. Rain meant a loss of business.
"It's the damned sky scrapers they built on the beach," said Cracker Bob, "I've had to water my lawn ever since the Diamond Head hotel was built." It is his favorite bitch. It's not easy being the last native Floridian around.
He'd sold out ten years ago and took those 'Yankee Dollars' inland to be away from us but they built a road right through his 5 acres and gave him a new pile. So he came back looking for some more Yankee money.
Just then a gust of wind rattled the awning above the bar and Tim was back on his phone. "Another red cell just popped up the other side of Summerlin and it's moving our way."
Do we run for it or do we sit tight and wait out the rain. The outside bar would close but there were two more bars under cover. The only vote that counted was the 'Reverend's' and he was showing a young-un how to catch Lobster out of the game machine.
"I don't care," he said. "Stay or go. I'm undercover with that nice Bimini we got on the boat. So we decided to wait.
A woman approached and asked, "Is there a nude beach around here?"
"Who told you there was a nude beach," I asked her. Before she could answer our little group all joined the conspiracy. They said it was at the South end of the beach at the lands end or on Mound Key or on the sandbar that appears and disappears in Hurricane Bay but I wasn't having none of it.
In the first place she wasn't anyone who I'd want to see naked and I wasn't anyone SHE'D want to see naked. Secondly, this nude beach rumor could bring back the Europeans who think every beach is a nude beach when they change bathing suits at the water's edge. I've watched three Euros try to help an obese woman change her wet bathing suit for a dry one. "Please lord, strike me blind," I begged as she hopped up and down while attempting to get the suit, 2 sizes to small, onto her jiggling nude torso.
"Ma'am, our friend is kidding you. There isn't a designated 'Nude Beach' on Fort Myers Beach that I know of. Please ignore those rumors and have a nice day," I said but I doubted she believed me. I can't understand why tourists would spend their limited time in such a search.
I suppose that it is somehow exciting to search for a place where people who could NEVER make it in porno, are clothe-less? I gave up years ago!
The first big drop of rain convinced us to leave the boat at the Turtle and take a taxi home whenever we were ready to go!
PS; Sweet Eileen no longer works there so look for us no more!
Goodbye and or good riddance!
Boatguy Ed (boatguiEd@aol.com) is the manufacturer of the worlds BEST anti-fouling bottom paint,www.supershipbottom.com. TWEET me @boatguyed and a corresponding web site is http://www.boatingbyboatguyed.com/........ NEVER, EVER TRY TO BUY HIM A DRINK!
This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.
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