Boating is...by boatguy Ed Fort Myers Beach is a satirical site!

We welcomed the 'Reverend' back from Corpus Christi, Texas last night with a fish dinner at the 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' club house which is my triple wide garage. Wife gets one end and since I park my truck outside, the club gets the first two for the meetings and beer kegs. “I almost wish I could start drinking again,” said the Reverend as he sipped on his Mountain Dew, “the things I've seen is the Devil's work.” “I thought it was Climate change,” said Run-aground Ralph sarcastically. The way we glowered at him made him go for another free Bud Lite. 'Hypocrite' the Reverend mumbled as Ralph walked away. “I 'tasked' (text ask) him for a donation while I was out there and he said 'He gave at the office.' He's a Christian in name only, him and that Cap'n Crunch.” The Rev went back to the Butter and Onion Grouper. It is his favorite and we've had the Grouper on ice for quite a while. Texarkana Hanna...

The oldest living member of the 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' is named 'Tail Gunner Joe' because he was a crew member on Flying Fortress' over Europe. His favorite war movie is Catch 22 even though he thinks it is silly and isn't sure what is really trying to say. Carol married him in 1946 after he was through with all of that. She died last year at the age of 91. She had lived with her youngest daughter off and on for the last fifteen years. Carol suffered from Dementia and finally died in a Florida nursing facility. She hadn't recognized Joe in years. Joe would only talk to the women members about Carol but we got the story second hand. She wrote him during his second tour. She was in High School but they became enamored with each other quickly. “She was wise beyond her years and in her last letters to her soldier she planned their wedding,” our wives told us. Joe bailed out over Germany while returning from a raid late in that war. All but tw...

“Do you wonder what or who you were in a previous life,” someone will always ask at the Dead End Canal Yacht Club Pirate Night party.  http://www.culpeppernautical.com/home The fog always appears in the person's eyes as they try to remember. A mist surrounding a harbor light or the fog of warm air over snow on a mountain pass. Sometimes the answer given is more information than the questioner ever wanted. Not everyone could have been a Roman General or Cleopatra's handmaiden but many believe they were. If I was, I don't remember. And I don't really believe in reincarnation but way back in some memory cubbyhole of my mind there is a vague feeling of being shot at and mostly missed, but shit at and mostly hit. Nothing I can put a finger on. The sensation is magnified by my occasional visits to Culpepper & Company Nautical Antiques, Lighting and Decor located in West Palm Beach. From the very first time I stumbled into that run down converted ...

Several “Dead End Canal Yacht Club” members met for lunch at the Pukin Pelican' for lunch the other day. We had reviewed the Auditors report of our clubs financing and were undecided about the looming shortfall. Several wanted a special assessment while others want a rise in dues. We set that aside to satisfy our rumbling tummies. All of us wanted the Pelican the meatball sub that had a special sauce. It is expensive for lunch, $7.99 w/o a salad or fries but the meatballs hung over the roll and the cheese ran down the sides. We retirees have to be careful with our money so we can go to happy hour on the days we don't exercise the boat.  Crazy Alice is back. She used to be the manager/owner until she had a falling out with the real owners but now she's just a waitress wearing her portable oxygen pump. “That must be great for tips,” Cap'n Crunch remarked snarkily. Alice mumbled, F#@k you! “Did you hear what she said to me?” We all repeated her words so he knew...

Boating is...by boatguy Ed Fort Myers Beach: Not so funny Boating Stories!

… AND NOW WE ENTER THE WAYBACK MACHINE! Step in and close the door behind you. Don't let the whirring sound nor the flashing lights alarm you my friends because this is a painless journey. When the machine stops shaking we will exit inside a Boat US store in the Fort Myers Bridge Plaza circa 1990. Lets go! I was the Department Head in the Bosun's Locker in this store. Certainly not the most glamorous position but I was there for the benefits. Anyway, I was doing some chore in an empty aisle during a quiet period when I overheard a tale of woe coming from the next aisle. “This is my third anchor in one month,” said a man to a friend. His friend commiserated with him on his bad luck. “Not bad luck,” said the anchor loser, “my new boat keeps cutting the anchor rode.” “What kind of a boat cuts it's own anchor rope,” asked the curious companion. The storyteller was examining the anchors which was evident by the clanking as he picked them up and put them d...

Sitting along the rail at the Nauti! The high bar stools make perfect viewing after a long hard day with a 'happy hour' cocktail in hand and the shady umbrella overhead. There isn't a bad seat in the old Channel Mark but some of the 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' members prefer the rail because some like to stand and some like to sit semi-circle to facilitate conversation and still see the water. Why would we boaters need to see the water?? We live on water, boat on water and bathe in it. Some of us even drink it, although they usually insist it come from a plastic sealed bottle rather than a tap, so why we wonder. Personally, when I'm not boating, I like to watch boaters and the rail at the Nauti Parrot Dock Bar is an ideal spot. Especially on weekends boat come and go regularly. When the tide is slack (not moving) it is a piece of cake to look good docking but when the tide is running, look out! 'Run-aground Ralph' and 'Cap'n Cru...