Boating is...by boatguy Ed Fort Myers Beach is a satirical site!

On Christmas night we Caroled up and down the Dead End Canal on the Reverend's Tri-toon boat which can carry a lot of people. To be honest we were lousier this year than in the past because everyone refused to practice. Thank goodness for the Rev's stereo system because at least our back-up music was in key. Most of the Canal-ites that were home came out to their dock and either cheered or booed, good naturedly. Only Run-aground Ralph and Cap'n Scrunch turned off their dock lights when we approached. Mrs. Crunch filed an e-mail complaint with the Board of Governors about a male dressed as Santa Claus who may have dropped his red trousers and mooned their residence. She was offended that her teenage Grand children had witnessed the incident. Since there were at least 3 of Santa's helpers aboard and almost everyone on board, with the exception of the Reverend, was tight as a Drum, there was no way to confirm the sighting. Complaint denied! The even

Boating; From the Archives 2004 by boatguy Ed “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose, Yule tide carols being sung by a choir and folks dressed up like Eskimos….” Yes Virginia this is my Christmas column but have no fear because there is plenty of bah humbug in it for all us Grinch's. This is one heck of a time of year, I’ll tell you! Red suited, white bearded men everywhere and Christmas lights on everything including boats parading all around. It seems that there is a Christmas party nearly every night and the diet has flown the coop in the face of eggnog and cookies and the many toasts to friends and acquaintances. Some of us had all the presents bought last summer but we men will still buy some of our presents on Christmas Eve. That is when some of the best sales of the season take place but it isn’t that we are frugal, just procrastinators! Not to miss out on the holiday sales West Marine and the other discount boat stores hav

Club News and Updates; Since we now have a brand new group of Condos on the off-shoot of the Dead End Canal we have new members in our “Dead End Canal Yacht Club.” There is an eight slip mini-Marina and since most of the new residents are 'out-of'-staters' University types, six out of the eight are filled with sailboats. At the year end meeting on December 17 th we inducted four out of the five applicants. The fifth being absent because of family dragging them off to Disney world. For the ceremony, they newbies dressed up in their newest boat shoes, khaki slacks and blue polo shirts from whatever Yacht Club would've had them up North. The men wore tiny pennants, Rhodes Scholarship pins , phi beta kappa keys and Eagle Scout medals. The women wore 'Daughters of the American Revolution' necklaces, ear rings and pins. Every one of the four woman were a solid '5'. Not worse nor better and they dressed and wore make up specifically to be fo

 “I thought I'd never have another home,” said Monongahela Maureen several days before this get together. Mo is 'Pittsboig' Joe's wife. They are the newest non-retired residence of the Dead End Canal and therefore club members despite what some of us think. He loves his new boat, a 24' center console fishing boat with a 275 Yamaha hung on the stern. He is an Industrial Engineer and she is a college professor. They have three grown children because they started young. Happily married and really enjoy their own company as long as they are fishing. It's been a frustrating year and a half for Joe. First he bought the wrong boat, a pontoon isn't a fishing boat but it got him used to our inshore waters. He wanted to catch fish so he traded up to the 24 footer and if his 50 mile runs offshore doesn't beat them up, he'll catch the big ones. “I heard them go by at 5:30 am,” said Texarkana Hanna, “I was already making coffee for my house guest so

QVC just sold out of BABY TRUMP IN MANGER front lawn display. Complete with tuft of bright orange hair and adoring cabinet members, this handsome rendering of adoration comes directly from Indonesia overnight shipping for $99.95. Limit 25 per order. This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.  All images are merely for humor and not meant to comment on subject.  Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a vehicle or heavy machinery. Keep sending those great questions and comments! (Contact) boatguied@aol.com 

We sat around the picnic tables at the 'Pukin' Pelican' eating lunch under a large, tattered umbrella. We, the Progressive wing of the “Dead End Canal Yacht Club” had not ventured out much publicly since that horrible event. You know! We were celebrating the end of the college football season and anticipating the playoffs to determine the best, absolutely best college football team in America. Just as with that past horrible election, we were sure who would win but that was because the second selection was much more scientific than first. Our waitress, Gabrielle, voted against us in that first election. Despite my being as depressed as hearing the sappy song, “I'll be home for Christmas” while I knew I wouldn't and because I was an ocean away and in the Army, I tried to make a joke. “Gabby, are you ready to sell me your guns?” She ignored me even though her eyes told me to have sex with myself and she was right not to jeopardize her tip. “That's