Boating is... Run-aground Ralph

 Run-aground Ralph wrecked his new Volkswagen. A school bus, he swears pulled out in front of him so he went up on the curb to prevent injuries to the little tykes. Unbelievably, the bus continued on it's way. He had no witness willing to give a statement so it was just him, his 2014 VW and the light pole when the Sheriff arrived.

He text-ed Cap'n Crunch who forwarded the message to most of the club, 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club.'

The nice Deputy cited Ralph for reckless driving which would have been a slap on the wrist for most of us but with his driving record, might mean jail time. 

We arrived just as they were finishing up the report and we heard Ralph say, "All I know it was a female Black bus driver and we all know how THEY drive!"

Cap'n Crunch hurried forward with the intent of dragging our furious fellow club member away from the Deputy. Crunchie isn't the most tactful person around but he does recognize when a hole is being dug! "And who do you mean by them," asked the Caucasian Deputy, but Ralph was being shoved into my van before he could elaborate.

"I was at the VW dealership trying to get my new car fixed of the emission thing," explained Ralph for his reason for driving during mini-snowbird/tourist season. "I had a hell of an argument with the service writer. He told me that there is nothing wrong as far as I was concerned. The problem, he claimed, was the amount of soot or whatever that comes out!"

"I think he's right,"said Put-in-Bay Paula. Ralph went off like a roman candle and it was a very unpleasant ride back to the beach. He even threatened to throw Billy Bowlegs cell phone out of the window if he tried to prove him wrong.

As we approached the traffic jam on San Carlos going onto the beach. I murmured, "Can you you imagine two more years of this construction crap."

"Just so the developers can increase the density in the middle of the island," Chicago Whitey Sox exclaimed.

"Now some out of state developer wants to clog the north end of our island with more hotels and condos. I wonder how much a County Commissioner and a City Councilman cost, each?" Said Boston Bob sourly. (Update; Bob's career as an airport limo driver ended shortly after UBER came to town. He drove for them a short time before retiring, again.)

After twenty minutes in line our middle aged bladders protested so we pulled into the 'Pukin' Pelican' bar. “Oooo, that felt so good,” said Ralph as he sipped his first beer. We had lunch and a few beers (?) over several hours.

We called UBER but they couldn't send a car until after 5pm account of construction backup on the beach. So we called the Reverend, you remember our designated driver, and for a steak sandwich and Tea he came and gave us a ride in his Tri-toon.

Merry Christmas – Happy Hanukkah or whatever you celebrate?

This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a vehicle or heavy machinery. Keep sending those great questions and comments! (Contact) boatguied@aol.com