Boating is...by boatguy Ed Fort Myers Beach is a satirical site!

What a boondoggle Thanksgiving is and isn't. 17 million Turkeys are MURDERED just to satisfy the blood lust of the American public. That is the opinion of the newcomer Vegans across the Canal so I thought to include their values into this column as a way to welcome them. I prefer to believe that each and everyone of the Turkeys are 'harvested' humanely. As if there is a humane way to kill 17 million of anything. I could make a correlation to our American poultry farmers and the hated Nazis. I won't because I don't want to, even though the Vegans have made that comparison several times, recently. They are a happy go lucky couple of ex-hippies who like to smoke dope and quote Buddha and Mao and Bob Dylan unless some one wears any kind of fur around them. They instantly turn into snarling junk yard dogs. They won't sit on leather furniture or drink milk or eat any animal flesh and no food can contain any animal bi-products like eggs, cheese or milk. You might...

So I'm coming back to the beach and I'm stopped at a traffic signal and the light turns green but the first car is scared to turn left. Finally goes into his turn but several cars have gone around the other driver so he is cut off and nearly killed just for trying to make a left turn on a two lane road. He gets thru his turn and now it's my turn to turn left. Several more cars are changing lanes to go around hesitant left turners but I am an asshole and drive straight towards them. Frightened the shit out of two and one jammed on his brakes so hard his car stalled in the intersection. I've got to get me a dashboard video camera. Ppl won't believe it! Yes I am......Still crazy after all these years. The pic is of my latest brain scan which proves my point!

“NO WAKE means no wake. It doesn't mean no wake except if it's about to start raining or the sun has set. STAYING ON RIGHT means staying on the right side of a channel. It doesn't mean stay on the right except if you want to bullshit with another boater or you aren't sure where the shallow water is so you stay in the middle. And people ask me why I'm angry? No, I'm not prejudiced against people from Ohio. You need to have pre-judged someone negatively to be prejudiced. I have met enough Ohioans to know there are great ones and not so great ones. My beef is with the boater education system in Ohio. Just because they don't have tides, channel markers in Lake Erie or an extensive system of canals doesn't preclude some of them from knowing about the rules of the road. What do they do all winter? Ice fish? Every Coast Guard Auxiliary group in Ohio holds classes when the boats are covered with snow. One night a week or a few hours on Saturday co...

Last week I was at the 42nd Annual Fort Myers Boat Show and it was quite a success except for the fact that none of the 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' regulars showed up even though I had passes for 10 of them. I am writing this Monday morning so I haven't seen any of them to inquire about their absence. The only member i saw was Hard Luck Hanna from Texarkana and her new beau, 'tattooed man.'  Tat is a walking advertisement for hepatitis and we haven't found out the back story because he doesn't come around our social gatherings and Hanna is mum on the subject. All we know is he lived in Key West for many years and that may be the answer in-itself. The couple strolled by and waved but didn't stop. Saw so many readers of the old 'Boating is...' column that my head swam in circles for hours. Answered the same questions over and over, "Why aren't you writing for that beach rag anymore?" Official answer is; they changed directio...

I got cut off three times by the same driver on my way back from Home Depot," said Run-aground Ralph. "I'm not leaving the beach until April." "I was at the Moose yesterday and ten people asked me where I was from," said Boston Bob with his usual Boston accent, "I told them I was from Immokalee and they wanted to argue!" "Just three more weeks and a lot of them will go back HOME for Turkey," I said. "We'll have a reduced load until right after Xmas when the tourists descend on us." "The tourists I can take! I like seeing the kids on the beach and the young parents chasing after them. We get to see the ppl who the snowbirds are always complaining about around the pool at Menopause Manor (Boardwalk Caper)," said Commodore Jim. "I saw several Sunset Bar regulars at Skippy's the other night," said Cleveland Jack, "they say nobody goes there anymore even the ones that live across the street....

Fort Lauderdale International Boat Show is over and thanks be to God! We haven't done that show for years and I must have been out of my mind to return. The South Florida Marine Industries Association owns the show but Show Management runs it with an iron hand and it is one of the most vendor 'unfriendly' shows anywhere. For instance, all the parking around the Broward Convention center doubled in price and were designed to set up us for tickets. No one knew when the show owned the parking lots, the Hilton Hotel or the City. Total rip-off. I was forced to take a barrier down so exhibitors could use the un-staging area because the attendant was late for the job. I was applauded by fellow venders but I was certain there was a ticket or worse in my future. The amenities were lacking. The only place to get a $6 cup of Starbucks was way too far away. No rolling vendors or food trucks. The Convention center employees checked coolers and bags looking for contraband food...