Hello My Name Is 'Temporary on Fort Myers Beach!'

"Hello, my name is Becky, what is yours?" The young girl behind the Pukin' Pelican's bar said as we sat down.

"Where is Claudia," asked Cap'n Crunch. 

"She's no longer with us....," said Becky mournfully. We responded in near unison..."We told her to stop smoking!" "When did she die," asked Boston Bob.

"Oh no, she didn't die! She gone, doesn't work here anymore," said Becky. Why we asked? "I don't know she was gone before I got here." When did you get here we asked. "Yesterday!"

Cap'n Crunch was livid. He had a crush on Claudia's boobs. Not on all of her boobs but certainly her cleavage. He liked the rest of her, too but we all doubted he could give a Police sketch artist even a close description of her face. "Of course not," he would retort, "You'd have to ignore all that low cut cleavage to see her face!"

"She was pleasant and a good worker. She could handle this bar and the server station most nights by herself and still be pleasant," Boston Bob said.

"Why would she leave," I asked Becky. She shrugged and said she didn't know but she had to know OUR names so she could assign us tabs. We told her, she wrote them down and went away for a long time. When she returned she said politely, "Your all current so what can I get you?"

"She wanted to know if we were deadbeats? That is hilarious," said our designated driver, the Reverend.

"Young lady, where did you work before you came here," asked Bob.

"Yeah, which Dairy Queen?" Scoffed Crunchie. 

"I never worked at any Dairy Queen. Are you trying to make fun of me?"

"Becky, Cap'n Crunch is just a little upset. He just found out he's lost two of his dearest friends," I said.

"Oh, alright then," Becky said. We could see she wanted to ask which two friends but she was wising up.

"Is there any way you could unbutton a couple buttons on your blouse," I said.

"I'm not exposing myself. I'll have you know I am a born again Christian and I didn't want to work here except my Uncle is the manager and my Dad said I had to help Uncle Gaybe out," Becky stammered.

"It sure would do wonders for your your tip jar," said the Reverend. "Can You may make me a Vanilla Coke?"

We all ordered beer and she brought them with a 3 inch heads on every glass. "Is that how Uncle Gaybe showed you how to pour draft beer?" She went away.

"Why don't we take a taxi over to 'Erotic Allusion' and make Crunchie happy. The beer is cheaper and since Claudia is gone we don't know anyone here," said Boston Bob.

"I'll buy this round if we do," said Crunchie and we left. We were only minutes away from getting ejected anyway!

This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a vehicle or heavy machinery. Keep sending those great questions and comments or I'm going to stop doing this, I'm not kidding! (Contact) DeadEndCanalYC@aol.com