Fort Myers Beach Boating Emails

Only one thing happened this week and it isn't hardly worth mentioning but slow news is slow news. 

I met a man who wanted to talk boats with me and his friends. He began bragging about fool hardy adventures he'd undertaken while boating and seemed genuinely proud of his foolishness. I cut him short with a withering gaze at which time he said, "and I suppose you've never done anything stupid on a boat?"

There he had me! "Several things," I said. "Tell me one that tops my Hurricane story," he bated me! "I don't have anything that reckless but a friend and I once brought an 18 foot center console back from Ramrod Key through Florida Bay over the damn at Flaming to Ft. Myers Beach on it's own bottom!

He didn't have to say what he was thinking because he rolled his eyes in disbelief. "There is a video of the trip on the Internet Boating Show. I believe in taking video of all my stupidity.!" That shut him up long enough for him to access the Internet. Afterwards he wanted to hear more of my stupidity but I had enough of that game. 

So that's it for this weeks excitement now let me answer a couple of e-mails.

"Dear boatguy, just where do you stand on boater licensing, signed South Beach Bill?" Good question and I want to be clear on this; I am OPPOSED to boat operator licensing because that would make boating less exciting. And there would be fewer collisions with other boats and docks which would mean fewer repairs to boats and fewer bottom jobs. You regular readers know why I oppose fewer bottom jobs.

Besides anytime you give any form of government more power they become power MAD! Case in point is the patrolling of our inter-coastal waterways and back bays. There was a time when all you saw out there was the Coast Guard Axillary handing out pamphlets, doing courtesy marine exams and towing the occasional boat. Then the law changed to protect the Manatees. Now a days most law enforcement agencies including the real honest to goodness U.S. Coast Guard are patrolling Manatee protection zones. And they all have arrest powers and are able to perform boater sobriety tests.

I think the Lee County Animal Control people are missing the boat, literally. I'm sure some government agency has grant money ready to buy another patrol boat and I think that Animal Control has more right to patrol those areas than most of the others. But lets be clear, it's not about Manatees, it's about expanding the government's reach. One day the U.S. Navy will steam into Pine Island Sound and begin safety (wink wink) inspections. 

I am for boater education but I think that the insurance industry should demand the people they insure have proper education instead of insuring anyone with enough credit to buy a boat and then raising my insurance rates after the novices wreck said boat. I hope that clears things up for you Bill.

"BG, I want to make a video for the America's Most Stupid Video show and I was thinking of driving my boat up a boat ramp into the parking lot and onto my trailer. Do you think that would qualify?"

(A) I'm not surprised you didn't sign this e-mail. At first I thought this was a prank but then I remembered a James Bond film where they performed just such a stunt as you described. While filming another movie which I believe was "Gone Fishing," a stunt person was killed by the flying boat near the Everglades. So I don't believe this idea is unique enough for the high brow show you describe. 

'Been there done that' would be the show producers comment especially if you somehow made the trailer in a flying leap. Sorry to say but your idea isn't unique enough. It may in fact get you killed but that kind of thing goes on everyday. My only thought about this project is that you are one desperate idiot seeking your 15 minutes of fame.... but good luck!

"Boatguy, why is the Federal Government imposing Homeland Security rules on pleasure boaters, signed 'tired boater?'" 

Dear 'tired boater,' I refer you to the first question in this column as part of my answer but I want to add this caveat; we boaters should be included into the planning for our country's safety because we operate powerful vessels that can do a lot of damage if packed with C-4. (Remember the USS Cole?) 

The radical Muslims that attacked us on 9-11 are still scheming to destroy our freedom loving society. Short of obtaining a hundred nuclear weapons and the missiles to deliver them, they can't destroy our country but they can rob us of our freedom. The proposals put forth by the Department of Homeland Security play right into the radicals hands but I'm not sure we can afford to keep ignoring that potential threat.

I'm for more restricted water areas around bridges and nuclear plants and military installations than more fees and licenses. After all, look how well it's worked for the Manatees?

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This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a vehicle or heavy machinery. Keep sending those great questions and comments or I'm going to stop doing this, I'm not kidding! (Contact) DeadEndCanalYC@aol.com