Boating is...by boatguy Ed Fort Myers Beach is a satirical site!

We got up early this morning and it was already 84 degrees by 6 am! WTF? Snuck down the canal with Cap'n Crrunch's grandson to go catch bait. He's really getting good with the cast net and we wanted to get a load of white bait before the Sun came up. Headed for the Sanibel Causeway with a cup of re-warmed coffee for me and and a Coke for the 'kid.' We were drifting around trying to spot the birds when a a^^hole came blasting through our little group. He had three motors on a thirty something center console. He was looking for greenies because he was going offshore. He stirred the water up so bad that the green bait went deep. I think he was on the receiving end of at least a dozen middle fingers before he gave up and headed West. "Hope you break down, you jerk!" After a half  hour the small birds piled up near the last bridge and we took turns throwing on the bait. Our first cast was all of six white bait, two died before we could get them in the bai

Florida Cracker A little humor goes a long way to dissipate heat. At a recent gathering of club members at the Pukin' Pelican the discussion turned to important matters such as Paula Deen, George Zimmerman and Aaron Hernandez. I'm sure you are aware of the explosive potential of discussions about those individuals. We are few this time of year and I am outnumbered because the liberal snow birds are up north. I wish the Pelican would remove the televisions sets right after the Super Bowl and bring them back for preseason pro football. Or lock the channels down onto the Weather Channel because every sports and news channel are focusing on race and murder. "Why is it that an older southern woman's career can be ruined because she used the N-word years ago," said Cracker Bob. "When I grew up they were the N-word. We never heard anyone call them 'Blacks.' They were either N-words or colored and they hated to be called either. My friend George wa

Missing Schooner: Historic Boat With 7 Aboard Disappears In South Pacific By NICK PERRY 06/27/13 01:10 PM ET EDT WELLINGTON, New Zealand — A New Zealand meteorologist took the last known calls from the seven people aboard an American schooner: "The weather's turned nasty, how do we get away from it?" The phone calls and texts ended June 4. More than three weeks later, searchers said Thursday they have grave concerns for the crew on the classic 85-year-old wooden vessel that went missing while sailing from New Zealand to Australia. Attempts to contact the crew by radio and an aerial search this week have proved fruitless. Authorities say the skipper of the 70-foot (21-meter) vessel Nina is American David Dyche. They say there are two other American men and three American women aboard, aged between 17 and 73. Also aboard is a British man, aged 35. Messages posted online by friends indicate the boat originally left from Panama

This happened in Russia but it could be anywhere. http://www.soundingsonline.com/dispatches/290571-video-splashdown

Nauti Turtle is no more... Closed May 2014 We were sitting at the Nauti Turtle watching the thunderstorms move towards us. Tim the Restorer was updating our group via WeatherBug on his smart phone, "I can't believe it! The reds (really bad) just turned to yellows (not so bad) and split. It's going around us again!" "Okay by me," said Sweet Eileen the bartender. The bar was weekend busy so she ran off to cover the other end of the outside bar. Rain meant a loss of business. "It's the damned sky scrapers they built on the beach," said Cracker Bob, "I've had to water my lawn ever since the Diamond Head hotel was built." It is his favorite bitch. It's not easy being the last native Floridian around. He'd sold out ten years ago and took those 'Yankee Dollars' inland to be away from us but they built a road right through his 5 acres and gave him a new pile. So he came back looking for some more Yankee money. Ju

We went to the Big Game Waterfront Grill for happy hour Monday and a bonding session with my son, Chris. Stephanie Hayes joined us, they are a couple. We used to do this at another local spot on Mondays but they po'ed us and many others. Anyway, we were blown away by how good the Pizza at the Big Game Waterfront Grill is. The crust is almost crossant like flaky and the sausce is very good, tasty but not overwheming. We saw Jewel and Mike there and they are always pleasant. I even helped Jewel Hall send me a friend request on Spacebook? (Her name for it) All day happy hour and very good $9.99 LARGE three topping Pizza for a limited time on Mondays is what the "Dead End Canal Yacht Clubers" really love. Great Summer 'times' on Fort Myers Beach. Everyone is glad to see ya and the service is good!

Safety precautions and smart thinking might have saved an Ohio fisherman’s life when his boat capsized this weekend during a storm on Lake Erie, stranding the man in the chilly water for 14 hours.The fisherman, who launched out of Bolles Harbor in Monroe Township, Mich., on Saturday, was found sitting on top of his overturned boat Sunday morning in Ohio waters after drifting all night, according to the Monroe (Mich.) News. The man, an unidentified 63-year-old Brownstown Township resident, was plucked from his capsized 16-foot aluminum boat about 7:30 a.m., south of West Sister Island. Petty Officer Michael Martin of the Toledo Coast Guard, which rescued the man, told the Monroe News that the man did the right thing by wearing a flotation device and by staying with the boat instead of trying to swim for it. He also said the Coast Guard responded to three other vessels that capsized in Ohio waters during Saturday’s storm. “It caught a lot of people by surprise,” he said. The fi

The DECYC is a highly respectable organization. Prayers before every official meeting and equal rights for women although some of our more conservative members believe they shouldn't be able to hold office. Those believers have been taken to task for their view many times by the wives and single lady members. We don't condone the spanking going on by conservative Christian sect that enforces complete dominance by male members. Although there were some females in the meeting that snickered while we discussed it, they couldn't be identified by Sgt. at Arms Cracker Bob. "If you ever tried that I'd kick your ass," was the general response by the female members to their husbands. And since we are an apolitical group, we don't discuss religious or Political current events except that spanking thing because acting Commander Erie Earl thought was funny. It wasn't and he dropped it quickly. The DECYC sponsors a blood drive each year despite the fact that

  Boating; Run-aground Ralph's Dilemma! 'Miami Enrico' and 'Run-aground Ralph' have been spending a lot of time together since their return from the Tortuga's. So much so that Mrs Ralph is getting upset. She has a right to be because she's the third wife. We're at a loss to figure out of whom the person she is jealous. Since Rico and Ralph have been spending a lot of time in Miami so maybe it's the whole city. The third Mrs. has a right to be worried. She just turned 50 and has lost a lot of weight. I mean a lot of weight! She says, "You can't be too rich or too thin!" Ralph has a ton of money and some of the "Dead End Canal Yacht Club" think she may be using a stimulant to facilitate the weight loss. She is way to friendly with 'Key West Gloria' at the Pukin' Pelican who is a known user of illegal drugs. May be she's selling some, too. Anyway, the Mrs. is looking like a camp survivor. Possibly it i

http://www.wptv.com/dpp/news/local_news/water_cooler/out-of-control-boat-video-boaters-thrown-off-vessel-narrowly-avoid-getting-hit OFF ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. - Two people are okay after falling off a boat in the waters near the Saint Petersburg pier on Monday. The unmanned boat went in circles for at least a half hour. Crews let the boat run out of fuel before stopping it.

Short Video of Pine Island trip.  http://youtu.be/wxwPxqxyLgs     Summer boating is a real pleasure in and around Southwest Florida. Sure it's hot when you're no-waking through the miles of 'Manatee Slow Zones' but when you can open the throttle it's great. Saturday; Cleveland Jack, I and 'The Reverend' took a boat ride. Just a boat ride. Since Jack is going up to Ohio for the rest of June and all of July, he wanted to use a "Freedom Boat Club" boat one more time. He's been a member there for several years and really likes having 21 boats of different configurations from which to choose. We started late because Jack was trying to finish July's back flow inspections. Luckily, he got a 21 foot deck boat with a bimini. The afternoon sun can turn a watermelon into a raisin. We brought along some beer and ice and pink lemonade. I wanted to show them how to get through and how to fish 'long cut' at the end of Pine Island. Snook

“My hand-held GPS is shot,” said Cap'n Crunch as he plopped down in a bar stool at the the 'Pukin' Pelican. “I just came from the “Handy Dandy Marine Electronic” repair store and it's done for!” During the recent trip to the 'Dry Tortugas' (see late May blogs) everyone aboard had their own hand held GPS. Most worked marvelously except a few were way off course due to operator error. “I've got one exactly like yours,” I said scratching my chin. “Let me see it?” “I left it there. They're ordering me a refurbished on for $200. That's damned near what a new one costs at West Marine,” he moaned. Immediately, five smart phones appeared and the owners were all activating their wifi to connect with the West Marine on-line catalog. “Tim the Restorer” got there first and in less than a minute had the GPS page shining up at his face. “No way they're charging you 200 for a refurb, a new West Marine model is less than that?” “I don't want to

One of the Caribbean’s most pristine environments has been badly damaged by a rampaging superyacht. The superyacht Captain, when spoken to, told nearby divers, “I have a cruising licence and I can do what I want!” It was the volunteers – and then a passing group of scientists – who were the first to respond to the reports that the superyacht had badly damaged the coral reef in the Turks and Caicos Islands. Provo Turtle Divers, who first reported the damage, said the crew from the yacht was warned of possible damage to the reef, but they choose to ignore the warnings. He said: “They were contacted and the response was, I have a cruising licence and I can do what I want to do.” “He even stayed another day and damaged the reef even more; he knew what he was doing.” “I can tell you that the anchor chain decimated a large part of the reef. Imagine a road grader just cleaning off an entire stretch of marine park…it is like a moonscape, it is flat, where it was beautiful before….it’s all

CRUZIN.COM LAUNCHES BOATER-TO-BOATER CHARTERS NATIONWIDE, MAKING BOATING AFFORDABLE FOR EVERYONE Cruzin is revolutionizing the boating industry, officially launching America's leading Boater-to-Boater™ rental marketplace, cruzin.com nationwide. Now, owners of boats of all sizes – from small fishing boats up to sailing yachts - can charter out their vessels directly to other experienced boaters. With Cruzin, owners can offset their month's boat ownership costs with just a day or two of chartering. Experienced boaters who are traveling, want to try out a different boat, or currently don't own a boat, can rent out boats all over America simply and securely via Cruzin's website, www.cruzin.com. "Cruzin is changing boating," said Captain Bob Hamilton of Trawler School in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. "Now owning a boat can help pay for its costs. Many people would like to charter their boats, but can't because of the high costs of chartering, like t

Way back, some twenty five years ago, a commercial fisherman who lived on our canal unintentionally sank his boat in the entrance of our canal. Prior to the blockage our canal was simply named 'Bay Canal #3' because it was on the back bay and was the third canal from Bowditch point that didn't have a name. The Iowa canal didn't have a good ring. The damaged commercial fishing vessel's desperate dash was interrupted by a law enforcement vessel because it was spewing diesel fuel and saltwater from the bilge pump. Why wouldn't it be after colliding with a shrimp boat near the Sky bridge. It was definitely sinking. The Captain had his crew running every pump on board including the engines cooling system. They desperately wanted the boat to sink at his dock but it sank just inside the canal entrance. Before the Captain and friends could raise her the EPA showed up and put big oil containing booms around the half submerged vessel. “It's a crime scene now,

We've all heard the ads for I Heart Radio where a whiny smartphone says; " I want to be a radio, too !" Fine and dandy, be a freakin' radio but what good is it if you are out of the cell phone network like broke down off-shore? A bunch of new offerings have emerged where your smartphone can become a Satellite phone even when there is no network available. They use bluetooth to connect to the sats and they aren't cheap (apps $200 sat service $100) but they may save your life. EPIRBS are costly and you can't talk over them but I'd rather trust them than this new technology. Some might ask why spend $800 on an EPIRB when you already have your $400 smartphone? To each his own! Get info on the sat apps on line. Boatguy Ed ( boatguiEd@aol.com) is the manufacturer of the worlds BEST anti-fouling bottom paint, www.supershipbottom.com . TWEET me @boatguyed and a corresponding web site is http://www.boatingbyboatguyed.com/ ........ NEVER, EVER TRY TO BUY HIM

NAPLES, Fl - A Naples man was arrested after deputies said he attacked his neighbor for not putting his garbage can in the proper place and for parking his car on the street. Berger's wife told deputies that Santos was in violation of H.O.A. rules. http://www.abc-7.com/story/22539094/naples-man-attacked-for-breaking-neighborhood-rules WE, ON THE DEAD END CANAL, SURE HOPE HE'S AQUITED!

Saturday, June 8, 2013 Bottom Paint Maintenance Bottom Paint Maintenance Let's discuss what bottom paint maintenance means and why do you need it. Maintaining your bottom paint is necessary because of all the pollution floating around in the water. Just recently a sailboat pumped it's entire holding tank overboard into the Salty Sam's Marina. The water cops were called and it was determined that it was an accident but the increase of sewage probably fouled many bottoms in the marina. Just as the oil pollution from many commercial and pleasure boats. You can often smell the Diesel in the water around the back bay at night. When the pollution covers the paint, stuff grows. That is why most smart boaters apply a second coat on the waterline especially for ablative paints because scrubbing oil or other stuff off the waterline removes some paint. Best to have a diver clean affected areas. www.supershipbottom.com

http://www.tradeonlytoday.com/home/525503-video-tropical-storm-andrea-soaks-florida

Coast Guard warns mariners of the danger of approaching Tropical Storm Andrea WILMINGTON, N.C. – The Coast Guard encourages boaters to stay off the water Friday due to the approach of Tropical Storm Andrea and the storms impacton on the coastal Carolina area. Adverse weather effects generated by a tropical storm or hurricane can cover an area hundreds of miles wide. Recreational boaters and members of the maritime industry who fall outside of the direct path of the storm are advised to be cognizant of dangerous weather conditions and appropriate precautions to stay safe and minimize damage. North Carolina boaters, including those in Pamlico Sound, Albemarle Sound and connecting waterways, are urged to secure their vessels and any emergency positioning indicator radio beacons. Those who heed the warnings of the Coast Guard and local law enforcement authorities will keep themselves and first responders out of danger. Boaters should take the precautions necessary

Boating; Sailor Bob 'Boston Bob' and crew left the Dry Tortugas Thursday morning at false dawn, hours ahead of us. They profited from the wind out of the East Southeast at 8 to 12 knots. The thirty foot Catalina was doing nearly five knots for 18 hours before the wind settled into true east. The seas were sufficiently lumpy that they hand steered most of the way. Everyone took a turn at the wheel. Sail trim was minimal and they had rigged a preventer so if they jibed the boom wouldn't swing all the way around and strike the mast. (A jibe is either a controlled swing of the stern and sails of the boat through the wind or an uncontrolled, violent occurrence that can dis-mast a sailboat.) The wind was fairly constant but the waves pushed the boat around and the preventer was very useful. Bob recollected jibing was prevented a couple times an hour. “ We were looking at a beam reach all the way but the last 6 hours we were close hauled right into the sea buoy,” Bob s

News Release Coast Guard restricts traffic on the upper Mississippi River NEW ORLEANS – The Coast Guard Captain of the Port of St. Louis has restricted traffic on the Mississippi River in response to high water, Monday. The upper Mississippi River is closed to all traffic from mile marker 179 to mile marker 184 near the St. Louis Harbor. Fleet vessels are permitted to operate in the zone to ensure the safety and integrity of their fleets. The Coast Guard encourages mariners to ensure that moored vessels and barges are adequately secured with the anticipation of increased current and high water. Debris may be an increased hazard to navigation and may drag buoys off station. Exercise caution when dislodging debris from fleeting areas and communicate the same to downstream fleets. South-bound operations are not recommended unless a vessel is 75 feet or more in length and has a minimum of 1,800 horsepower. All mariners are advised to exercise caution when in close

Boating; Solar Flares to Affect GPS Accuracy Sunspots and solar flares may decrease the accuracy of your GPS through out 2013. NOAA warns users to do dead reckoning and chart work to double check their Global Positioning Satellite receiver. Discrepancies or outages will most likely occur after sunset but can occur at anytime. See full report at http://www.swpc.noaa.gov/forecast.htm Boatguy Ed ( boatguiEd@aol.com) is a manufacturer of the worlds BEST anti-fouling bottom paint, www.supershipbottom.com . TWEET me @boatguyed and a corresponding web site is http://www.boatingbyboatguyed.com/ ........ NEVER, EVER TRY TO BUY HIM A DRINK! T his blog/column is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBa8JzC9nP8 So long Fort Jeff! Thursday It had been a long night but we had to help the grounded boat. Bob dove down and tied a line to their anchor. For a few considerations, a commercial fishing vessel took the chain rode and drug the boat off the island. Once it was decided the hull was sound, we were relieved to go on our way. We had a quick breakfast of fish cakes and eggs accompanied by Cuban strength coffee. “Who's in favor of staying another night,” Bob asked the crew as we playfully fished for Barracuda off the stern. It was a question that had to be asked but no one wanted to bring it up. No one voted for another night. “Okay, who wants to head for Key West?” Only 'Hot Tamale' voted yes. “Who wants to head for Fort Myers Beach?” Everyone gave out a low 'yes' and even 'Hot Tamale' agreed after Rico promised her a trip there very soon. “Well lets not waste any time then,” Ralph said and he hurriedly went onto t