Boating Soap Opera
As the Anchor Drags; The
continuing story of life, love, laughter and the American dream of
chucking it all and joining the “Dead End Canal Yacht Club.”
This serial is sometimes
called a Soap Opera but through the years we've come to know it as
the daily machinations of 'over and under' developed egos. Sure there
is sex, drugs and rock and roll involved because most of us grew up
during that era but we've matured, sort of?
For instance; Several
weeks ago as our 'snow bird' members planned their escape, several
tried to push through a 'dues' moratorium for themselves. “Why can
I suspend my cable, my gym membership and telephone but I have to pay
my dues just as if we were sitting around sweating with you bums,”
asked Toledo Tim and his wife.
“Tim, that is how the
dues were set up. It's annual or monthly and you pay monthly because
you want the newsletter e-mailed to you. If you don't want the
privileges just don't pay your dues,” I said.
“It's a waste of money
as far as I'm concerned. Dolly, my wife, is the only one who gets any
benefit because she's on the bowling team. She won't let us quit,”
said Toledo Tim.
“Since you sold your
boat and rent out your dock to some Argentinian it's a wonder that
you don't move off the canal,” said Boston Bob (Our condolences to
all Boston-ians)
“I belong to the Boat
Club of Fort Myers Beach and as soon as I can get a boat, I will,”
said Tim then his wife piped up. “Plenty of boats in the summer,
they said!”
“Just like you to buy
the cheapest,” said Erie Earl. “The club down the road has twenty
some boats and they are affiliated with clubs all over the country.
Cleveland Jack made reservation for the 4th of July in
Ohio at the club right here.”
“...and he doesn't want
to move because of that young widow across the canal. She and
whatever boyfriend of the week frolic around half naked all day,”
said Dolly. Tim shook his head and looked off into the distance. Sort
of the thousand yard stare of guilt.
“I don't think she's
that young,” said Mrs. Boston Bob, “she told me that she
graduated from a Catholic school in Youngstown, Ohio in 1964. But
she's definitely had some work done. A tummy tuck and breast
augmentation and a face lift.”
“How come she doesn't
join the club,” asked Dolly, “if you need the dues that bad you
should make membership mandatory!”
“We disbanded the home
owners association for just that reason,” I said. “We were sick
and tired of arguing about who's grass was to long and who painted
their house the wrong color. So, when enough of you 'Condo Commando's
stopped paying your fees, we invoked “Death to Tyrants” clause.
Nobody wants to go back to those bad old days. No one is forced to
belong.”
“Well someone should say
something to her about all her cavorting and loud partying,” said
Mrs. Cap'n Crunch. “It bothers the Capt'n's sleep pattern.”
“But you live on the
other end of the canal,” said Boston Bob.
“Well he has to get up
and go over to see what all the commotion is all about.....”
“So we all understand
that the dues are year round and you don't have to belong and we
won't make the widow join either. See you next Fall. We'll hold down
the fort!”
Boatguy
Ed (boatguiEd@aol.com) is a
manufacturer of the worlds BEST anti-fouling bottom paint,
www.supershipbottom.com.
NEVER, EVER TRY TO BUY HIM A DRINK!
This
column is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to
real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where
prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a
motor vehicle or heavy equipment.
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