Boating is...by boatguy Ed Fort Myers Beach is a satirical site!

Boating; Easter Bait & Peeps by boatguy Ed “It's a very confused times for Spring Break and Easter vacations. Some of the vacations overlap so the little ones will be on the beach the same time as the College kids,” said 'Punxsutawney Phil' who had promised his grandson that I would catch him live bait for their Easter fishing trip. “We need a back-up plan besides the Easter egg hunt and the Easter 'bait' thing. You all know we don't throw a cast net as good as we used to so the chances are slim unless conditions are perfect,” said 'Run-aground Ralph.' “We can pull a fast one on them like we did a few years ago,” said 'Erie Earl', “buy a couple dozen bait fish and leave 'em in the forward live well just in case.” “That might have worked on Johnny three years ago when he was six but these kids are growing up fast. Maybe we can hire a guide to come with us at 6 in the morning,” said 'Punxsutawney Phil'. “Hogwash,

Boating and the Manatees! by boatguy Ed Manatees and the Red Tide that is killing them were featured on CBS evening news (3/29/13) tonight. Everyone agrees that they suffer because of infection and pneumonia brought on by 'Red Tide' toxin. A boat strike, horrible as it is, is often survivable for healthy Manatees No one wants to see them suffer and die, except maybe 'Boat Salesman Clyde' who is a member of the 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club.' "I'm a realist," Clyde says when he speaks about Manatees, "they aren't native like snowbirds except they show up as the water warms and should leave when the waters cool." But they don't because we, their nemesis, have warmed the water near the power plants. They try to 'winter' in the shadow of the warm water spewing power plants instead of migrating south. "They used to be tough sun of a bucks but since they now live in cold water and eat mangrove leaves instead of nutri

Come on Robin, bring Eileen back! And by the way take a few management courses.

Boating is...Increase In Boating Accidents? By boatguy Ed     We were sitting in the 'Pukin Pelican' last Sunday when the building shook hard enough to spill a small amount of beer from 'Waukee Bill's' full beer. “Jeeez!” He shouted and ran around towards the docks. Beer is especially precious to people from Wisconsin and we were sure he was going to extract a payment from whomever.     'Run-aground' Ralph had been smoking (yes he's back smoking) out by the docks and he filled Bill in on the crash landing. “It was a deck boat rental boat, came in fast and left even faster,” laughed Ralph. He was so happy it wasn't him shaking the building.     'Waukee Bill' stomped back into the bar. “Who rents a boat to such a lousy driver?”     “Did he hit another boat,” 'Cuyahoga Hank' asked. When Bill told him there wasn't another boat involved.        “Well sit down and let me watch the Browns lose another game, will ya?” O

News Release Coast Guard, AMVER vessels respond to distressed catamaran 500 miles southeast of Bermuda PORTSMOUTH, Va. — The Coast Guard is responding to a distressed vessel with nine people aboard approximately 500 miles southeast of Bermuda, Monday. Coast Guard 5th District watchstanders received an emergency position-indicating radio beacon distress signal at 1:15 p.m. registered to the 109-foot catamaran, Mouse Trap. Concurrently, the Mouse Trap’s crew made contact with Rescue Coordination Center Gris Nez, France and initially reported that their vessel was in distress after losing their mast and that one crew member was deceased. RCC Gris Nez passed along the information to Coast Guard watchstanders. An air crew from Coast Guard Air Station Elizabeth City launched aboard an HC-130 Hercules aircraft at 3:45 p.m. Watchstanders have also directed the 620-foot bulk freighter Alexandros III and the 652-foot Dover Highway to the Mouse Trap’s location using AMVER , th

During heavy weather 2 crewmwn aboard a damaged sailboat awaited rescue. Collier County Deputys were able to extract one but couldn't get the other one off. Coast Guard Fort Myers launched in heavy seas and wind and arrived on scene 3 hours later and were able to extract the second crewman from the disabled sailboat. They then towed the sailboat to a waiting TowboatUS vessel. Sailboat grounds on Sanibel shoal during rough weather. Update to follow.

Boatguy Ed and the 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club can no longer be accessed via the Fort Myers Beach Observer Newspaper. We was fired, or in corporate speak, eliminated because they were 'changing directions.' I'm not sure but from my expierence with having my direction changed, I'm pretty sure I offended someon impotent, I mean important. Hint; it had to do with religion, I suspect, but that is pure speculation. It could have been the "Battle for Ohio Day" column but I doubt it. I will post the offensive column as soon as they remove it from 'their' website. This was my second stint at the 'Observer.' The first was in the early years of this century, then I went to the 'Fort Myers Beach Sand Paper' and finally back to the Fort Myers Beach Observer Newspaper. Over the years, I have had the pleasure of working with several great editors and a couple of bad ones. Bob Petcher (current Observer editor) is one of the best.

Boating; Easter Bait & Peeps by boatguy Ed “It's a very confused times for Spring Break and Easter vacations. Some of the vacations overlap so the little ones will be on the beach the same time as the College kids,” said 'Punxsutawney Phil' who had promised his grandson that I would catch him live bait for their Easter fishing trip. “We need a back-up plan besides the Easter egg hunt and the Easter 'bait' thing. You all know we don't throw a cast net as good as we used to so the chances are slim unless conditions are perfect,” said 'Run-aground Ralph.' “We can pull a fast one on them like we did a few years ago,” said 'Erie Earl', “buy a couple dozen bait fish and leave 'em in the forward live well just in case.” “That might have worked on Johnny three years ago when he was six but these kids are growing up fast. Maybe we can hire a guide to come with us at 6 in the morning,” said 'Punxsutawney Phil

Dear boatguy; I have a small inflatable that I keep in the water when I'm in port. It is badly fouled and needs some kind of bottom paint. Any suggestion? Signed Cruiser Bill. Bill; Twenty years ago there was a company in Cape Coral that bought pints of Super Shipbottom ( www.supershipbottom.com ) to include in a kit for protecting inflatables. They had a primer that would flex whenever the boat was deflated and our hard ablative paint was compatible. They went out of business and eventually we sold a lot of Super Shipbottom to inflatable owners who skipped the primer and it worked well. Most 'hard ablative' paints are much more supple so they don't crack and fall off. You can call our local number, 239-466-5670 or toll free at 800-466-7144 to speak to a paint specialist about painting inflatables. Dear boat-dummy; I tried that cast netting thing you advocate and have come to the conclusion that it is impossible. You must have sold your soul to the devil to

Dear boatguy; I have a small inflatable that I keep in the water when I'm in port. It is badly fouled and needs some kind of bottom paint. Any suggestion? Signed Cruiser Bill. Bill; Twenty years ago there was a company in Cape Coral that bought pints of Super Shipbottom ( www.supershipbottom.com ) to include in a kit for protecting inflatables. They had a primer that would flex whenever the boat was deflated and our hard ablative paint was compatible. They went out of business and eventually we sold a lot of Super Shipbottom to inflatable owners who skipped the primer and it worked well. Most 'hard ablative' paints are much more supple so they don't crack and fall off. You can call our local number, 239-466-5670 or toll free at 800-466-7144 to speak to a paint specialist about painting inflatables. Dear boat-dummy; I tried that cast netting thing you advocate and have come to the conclusion that it is impossible. You must have sold your soul to the devi

Boating; Awful News & Letters by boatguy Ed I wanted to describe the “Dead End Canal Yacht Club” Christmas parties joviality for you but I'm not in the mood. Leave it to say that we all had a good time and the arguments were kept to a minimum. The mood killer of course is the news out of Newtown. Babies being killed by a mad, insane, evil young man has pulled a black cloud over many festivities. I have two observation on this tragedy. First; Since we've closed all the mental hospitals and allowed the insane to live among us in the 80's this country has changed a lot. In my wife’s hometown there used to be a huge facility, as big as any University. It was a terrible place that housed sick people. After the State closed the place, most of the patients were released to their families or to 'half way houses.' The mental hospital was a terrible place but it was also effective in housing, treating and isolating the mentally ill. Now we send