Boating is...by boatguy Ed Fort Myers Beach is a satirical site!

Boating is… by boatguy Ed Is there a plug-in-hybrid in your future? Within five years we will have cars that charge up overnight and will run us around town (up to 80 miles) without using any gasoline. Who would care if gas is $10 a gallon if we don’t need it? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have power at our fingertips? “You won’t EVER see me in no plug in car or boat,” scoffed Run-aground Ralph at the latest meeting of the “Dead End Canal Yacht Club” last night at Parrot Key Caribbean Grill. “Of course, we understand Ralph. Anyone who is planning a 20 state road trip in their humongus motor home wouldn’t ever be so green as to own a hybrid car or boat,” answered Boston Bob. Instead of harumphing him as we have done so in the past our members are showing a surprising amount of sympathy to this tree hugger point of view. “I won’t ever be caught dead in a sailboat either,” shouted Ralph. That sentiment was roundly cheered by our other stink-pot boaters. But I noticed a little less oomph...

For Immediate Release Tuesday, April 22, 2008 New York National Boat Show Gets New Dates After reviewing exhibitor feedback, show dates moved to mid-December CHICAGO, April 21, 2008 - - Following an extensive analysis of exhibitor feedback and in-depth discussions with both exhibitor and show committees, the New York National Boat Show will move to a new set of dates beginning this year. The new dates are December 13-21, 2008, nearly two weeks earlier than originally scheduled. After five years of less-than-ideal dates that straddled the Christmas and New Years holidays, the earlier date pattern opens up new marketing opportunities for the long-standing show, as well as the ability to piggyback off continuous holiday media attention. The earlier dates are also likely to ensure increased consumer attendance, as the show’s boating demographic is home preparing for the holidays instead of vacationing out of town, which has been the case with previous years’ dates. “This change represents...

Boating is.. May 30th by boatguy Ed "We're in a bind here," shouted the boater from the sandbar, "can you pull us off?" In most cases any boater would gladly help another boater in distress but this case was different. The stranded vessel was completely surrounded by sand and was a good two feet from water. "How long have you been aground," we asked. "We were shelling and the water just receded," answered the young woman walking around the boat. After checking the tide chart we noticed that the next high tide was eight hours away so we explained the situation to the stranded couple and offered a solution. "We'll nose our boat into shallow water and you can wade out to us. We'll take you to the nearest dock or wherever and you can call some friends, okay?" "We can't do that, this is a rental boat and we have to have it back in an hour. Just throw us a line ...

Boating is ..... Missing the Water May 17, 08 by boatguy Ed It's been a month since I've been on my own boat. I've shared some trips with fellow members of the 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' but it isn't the same. We've been going on a rotation basis and last weekend I went fishing with Cincinnati George all the way out to the 30 mile shelf. The total fuel bill was $300 and we four split it $75 a piece. I caught my limit of Grouper and one legal size Snapper. Everyone else did about the same and three of us put a pretty good dent in a case of beer while Cincinnati George guzzled down bottled water like it was free! We are happy he is a tea-totaler but when we added it all up his water cost more than the beer? On our way in we argued about where to have a plate of chicken wings and I was outvoted 2 to 1 so I ended up going to a place that I pretty much despise just because the afternoon barmaid used to work at Hooters and you know the rest of the story. The off-...

Whenever I'm on the water and stop in at a marina one of the dock hands will always want to tell a story of a catastrophe that occured recently. They usaully start out by telling me that a new boater or an inexpierenced boater did this or did that. The all time best was a story I heard recently from Dwayne and Frank dock attendants at the 'Tween Water' marina on Captiva Island, Florida. "A boat club was docking on Friday afternoon last month and one boat in particular was having trouble so frank and I were paying real close attention to this 28 foot cruiser. It took the skipper 5 or 6 attempts to get her into the slip but he finally was almost all the way in when I shouted to the lady on the bow, 'Throw me a dock line,' " said Dwayne. "She ran around searching for one and finally the skipper told her to look in one of the lockers and out came a West Marine bag out of which she pulled a brand new color coded double braided dock line still in the packag...

Boating is... Discourtesy on the Waterway! 4/26/08 by boatguy Ed Letters from You! Dear Boatguy; “I am a avid, long time boater and a member of the “Dead End Canal Yacht Club” who travels the waterway a couple times a month in my pocket trawler. Last weekend as I was heading north from Captiva Island I was passed by several large boats and most of them were very courteous. Two of them were not and one was a mini-disaster for my little boat. In a wide part of the waterway I was hugging the right side of the channel very near a marker when a behemoth approached from astern half one plane and throwing a huge wake. The skipper of the running shoe 50 footer passed me within thirty yards and nearly threw me into the marker. I have never felt like my trawler was going to roll over before but from the upper station I was thrown from side to side while I heard my most precious boating possessions being thrown about in the cabin below. I couldn't turn into the wake because it was so steep th...

Boating is.... by boatguy Ed On my morning constitutional I noticed the "Handy Dandy Dockside Service" truck parked in Indiana Andy's driveway. He is one of the newer members in our beloved "Dead End Canal Yacht Club" and he's from Indiana of course! He brought an 8 year old 30 foot Barslammer down with him several years ago and has kept it on a lift ever since. He's a bit of a know it all. The members never really took him under our wings, nice fellow though! His wife makes Swedish meatballs for our club meetings and they are a big hit! On my second round trip I saw 'Jeff the dockside mechanic' putting his tools in his truck and said hello. I'd forgotten that I once wrote unkindly words about the skill level of 'some' dockside mechanics in a recent column. His chilly reception reminded me. "Up and at it early this morning," I said in a glancing way because I intended to keep moving. I'm not sure if he'd rehearse...

Boating by boatguy Ed "I don't get you guys," murmured a newbie member of the "Dead End Canal Yacht" club the other day. "I've offered a dozen of you a ride to Key West on my new boat and you've all said no, what gives?" "Wait until the snowbirds come back and you'll have a dozen people who want to go with you," replied Minnesota Paul. "How can you guys be tired of Key West? It's right out of a Hemingway novel and it's so colorful," moaned the newbie. "It's hot and smelly in the summertime and snooty and weired in the winter," replied Boston Denise, wife to Boston Bob. "And Hemingway wouldn't be caught dead there now!" "It's not the best time to visit," said Run-aground Ralph. "But I understand you wanting to go so why don't you just go?" "I can't believe you people are so jaded," the newbie said with a great sigh of resignation before quietly ...

Coming soon boatguy Ed's weekly column about boating and his pals in the "Dead End Canal Yacht Club" www.internetboatingshow.com wwwsupershipbottom.com This young lady loves to paint bottoms boatguy Ed on Boating