Boating is,,, Key West?
Boating
by boatguy Ed
"I don't get you guys," murmured a newbie member of the "Dead End Canal Yacht" club the other day. "I've offered a dozen of you a ride to Key West on my new boat and you've all said no, what gives?"
"Wait until the snowbirds come back and you'll have a dozen people who want to go with you," replied Minnesota Paul. "How can you guys be tired of Key West? It's right out of a Hemingway novel and it's so colorful," moaned the newbie.
"It's hot and smelly in the summertime and snooty and weired in the winter," replied Boston Denise, wife to Boston Bob. "And Hemingway wouldn't be caught dead there now!"
"It's not the best time to visit," said Run-aground Ralph. "But I understand you wanting to go so why don't you just go?"
"I can't believe you people are so jaded," the newbie said with a great sigh of resignation before quietly walking away. With his new boat and new boating experience he was trapped in Southwest Florida by his lack of confidence and competency. His 36 foot offshore speedboat / fishing machine was fast enough to make Key West in three to four hours but we had to consider those pesky thunderstorms.
"If he was going to the Dry Tortugas I'd consider it," said Boston Bob. "He's a good sort but he gets very nervous out of the sight of land."
"Why doesn't he follow the Key West Ferry down and back? They're running four or five days a week this time of year," asked Philly Billy. "Why doesn't he just go ON the Ferry a few round trips and he'll feel more comfortable on his own," wondered Minnesota Paul.
"Why does he want to go there at all? We're tired of getting 'Touristed' by the local destinations and Key West," said Boston Denise. "They're all nice places to visit once or twice but a steady diet will sour ones tummy quick!"
"We're just jaded because we've been there so many times," I added. "To a newbie all those places are historical and exciting. I can almost remember the first time I went there by boat. It was magical in a way. The water is so green and the first sight of that low lying island is exciting but after a while your brain peels away the rosy colored hue and there it is, the tourist rip-off that it can be!"
"Why bother going to Key West when every new eatery around town claims to have a 'Key West' feel and the prices are definitely more reasonable. The last 'Cheeseburger in Paradise' I had there cost me 18 bucks and a platter of wings ran us well over 12," said Run-aground Ralph.
"I still feel bad for our new friend. If he had a larger cabin on that boat we might have gone," said Denise. "The salesman told him his cuddy-cabin sleeps six but you'd be stacked like cord wood. It would get so hot while hiding from the thunder boomers."
"You trawler people are all alike. You have to drag a stand-up shower and a ice maker around with you wherever you go. No wonder it takes you 20 hours to get to Key West," said Cigarette Tom. "Our boats are for running flat out and having fun!" He let out a whoop and that started a coughing fit. "Light up another one, Tom," I said. "You go your speed and we'll go ours. Some of us think 25mph is perfect while some like slower or faster. We should try to remember how great it felt to go to new places. Most of us started out slow and progressed on to Key West. I don't think his boat has 25 hours on the engines yet. I'd like a little longer break-in period."
"I think Florida thunderstorms sink more boats out on the water than Florida Hurricanes," said 'blow-boater Andy' when he looked up from the monkey fist he was making. "I don't relish sailing through one at this time of year 'cause they have more power in them from the hot water."
"Here we go again from Al Gore junior," Cigarette Tom spat. Now we had another idiotic statement to chew over. Everyone but Tom, even 'W's' most ardent former supporters derided Tom for dismissing global warming. After a few minutes Tom retreated to the far end of the dock and lit up another emphysema stick.
Then our newbie neighbor returned with a smile on his face and two other neighbors in tow. "We're going to Key West this week," he paused like he was waiting for a round of applause but none came so he continued, "so tell me how I can follow the Key West Express...?" Oh brother, boat safe!
Send questions and comments to boatguiEd@aol.com
by boatguy Ed
"I don't get you guys," murmured a newbie member of the "Dead End Canal Yacht" club the other day. "I've offered a dozen of you a ride to Key West on my new boat and you've all said no, what gives?"
"Wait until the snowbirds come back and you'll have a dozen people who want to go with you," replied Minnesota Paul. "How can you guys be tired of Key West? It's right out of a Hemingway novel and it's so colorful," moaned the newbie.
"It's hot and smelly in the summertime and snooty and weired in the winter," replied Boston Denise, wife to Boston Bob. "And Hemingway wouldn't be caught dead there now!"
"It's not the best time to visit," said Run-aground Ralph. "But I understand you wanting to go so why don't you just go?"
"I can't believe you people are so jaded," the newbie said with a great sigh of resignation before quietly walking away. With his new boat and new boating experience he was trapped in Southwest Florida by his lack of confidence and competency. His 36 foot offshore speedboat / fishing machine was fast enough to make Key West in three to four hours but we had to consider those pesky thunderstorms.
"If he was going to the Dry Tortugas I'd consider it," said Boston Bob. "He's a good sort but he gets very nervous out of the sight of land."
"Why doesn't he follow the Key West Ferry down and back? They're running four or five days a week this time of year," asked Philly Billy. "Why doesn't he just go ON the Ferry a few round trips and he'll feel more comfortable on his own," wondered Minnesota Paul.
"Why does he want to go there at all? We're tired of getting 'Touristed' by the local destinations and Key West," said Boston Denise. "They're all nice places to visit once or twice but a steady diet will sour ones tummy quick!"
"We're just jaded because we've been there so many times," I added. "To a newbie all those places are historical and exciting. I can almost remember the first time I went there by boat. It was magical in a way. The water is so green and the first sight of that low lying island is exciting but after a while your brain peels away the rosy colored hue and there it is, the tourist rip-off that it can be!"
"Why bother going to Key West when every new eatery around town claims to have a 'Key West' feel and the prices are definitely more reasonable. The last 'Cheeseburger in Paradise' I had there cost me 18 bucks and a platter of wings ran us well over 12," said Run-aground Ralph.
"I still feel bad for our new friend. If he had a larger cabin on that boat we might have gone," said Denise. "The salesman told him his cuddy-cabin sleeps six but you'd be stacked like cord wood. It would get so hot while hiding from the thunder boomers."
"You trawler people are all alike. You have to drag a stand-up shower and a ice maker around with you wherever you go. No wonder it takes you 20 hours to get to Key West," said Cigarette Tom. "Our boats are for running flat out and having fun!" He let out a whoop and that started a coughing fit. "Light up another one, Tom," I said. "You go your speed and we'll go ours. Some of us think 25mph is perfect while some like slower or faster. We should try to remember how great it felt to go to new places. Most of us started out slow and progressed on to Key West. I don't think his boat has 25 hours on the engines yet. I'd like a little longer break-in period."
"I think Florida thunderstorms sink more boats out on the water than Florida Hurricanes," said 'blow-boater Andy' when he looked up from the monkey fist he was making. "I don't relish sailing through one at this time of year 'cause they have more power in them from the hot water."
"Here we go again from Al Gore junior," Cigarette Tom spat. Now we had another idiotic statement to chew over. Everyone but Tom, even 'W's' most ardent former supporters derided Tom for dismissing global warming. After a few minutes Tom retreated to the far end of the dock and lit up another emphysema stick.
Then our newbie neighbor returned with a smile on his face and two other neighbors in tow. "We're going to Key West this week," he paused like he was waiting for a round of applause but none came so he continued, "so tell me how I can follow the Key West Express...?" Oh brother, boat safe!
Send questions and comments to boatguiEd@aol.com
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