Boating is...by boatguy Ed Fort Myers Beach is a satirical site!

boatguyed@gmail.com When we arrived at the Pukin' Pelican Waterfront Bar and Eatery it was Happy Hour so it was packed with Snowbirds trying to get their fill of cheap drinks. Some draft Beer is $1.75. Bottles are $2.50 and well drinks and wines are $2.75 for a limited time. There is always a frozen drink in a tall glass with a garnish of fruit on top on special. We waited for another boat to move away from the finger pier before docking which delayed us considerably. Upon entering, Cleveland Jack shouted that he had saved us a table for the eight of us but some West Virginia gray hairs had sat down with the promise to move when we arrived. Not all of them did. There was two women who were claiming possession despite their husband's pleas. So we squeezed into the table around them. boatguyed@gmail.com Pensacola Slim got them to move with one question, “Do you buy your pancake make up by the pound or bucket?” There was a bit of a scene but they were gone. But the ...

I won't identify which of my favorite bar/restaurants this Pepperoni Flat Bread originated. They might recognize it and maybe get the point. I realize it isn't a Pizza so the amount of Pepperoni on this $9.95 (half eaten as shown) Marinara covered, over cooked item is completely arbitrary but really? Thanks for the butter knife and fork but they wouldn't cut thru some of the crust w/o stabbing in a few times. Lil' Caesar spoiled me with their double Pepperoni Pizza for $6 while using Pizza sauce. (Hint; this is definitely NOT from the Pukin' Pelican!)   This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.  All images are merely for humor and not meant to comment on subject.  Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a vehicle or heavy machinery. Keep sending those great questions and comments! (Contact) boatguied@aol.

Does Anyone Else Remember The Split Rail Restaurant? It was once a favorite place for beach ppl for breakfast and lunch. Us younger members of the “Dead End Canal Yacht Club” could pull our small boats up to the rickety dock and have a beer and a few chicken wings in the late afternoon. I'm sure you've guessed that I write of a long ago era before happy hours became the rage. Circa 1990! My wife, Marion and I lived at the Boardwalk Caper which was a boater's paradise but not on the DEC. We ate breakfast often at the Split Rail and I attribute much of my heart problems to those delicious heart cloggers. Me, myself and I ate there three mornings a week for a solid 15 years because my office was on the beach. I'm not sure how many Greek immigrants began washing dishes so they could learn to bus tables then run the fryer and fry the eggs before becoming the owner but I remember a half dozen. It used to be a great way to chain migrate to America but all good...

A recent Facebook Post by me stirred the “Dead End Canal yacht Club” pot for sure. I came across an article, U.S. Combat Advisers in Vietnam Knew the Score and Got Ignored; American officers advising the South Vietnamese Army repeatedly warned Washington that the war was misguided. This, they quickly learned, was the fast track to career suicide. The article, first posted on the Daily Beast, caused much debate among our 'DECYC' members. I belong to the half who served. Opinions were further divided because some agreed with the idea that we lost in Vietnam even before the French surrendered . Here is the link to the complete piece. https://www.thedailybeast.com/us-combat-advisers-in-vietnam-knew-the-score-and-got-ignored-3?source=facebook&via=desktop but if you don't know how to copy and paste into your browser, forget it! In addition there is a link to a book and a movie about a Lt. Colonel Vann who got it right, right in the neck for speaking up! ...

I remember Christmas when it was really Christmas and Santa left the presents. When three young boys peeked around the railing on the  landing of  the stairs'. There before us, in the false dawn of a snowy morning, was an array of wrapped presents so magnificent that it was a wonder our hearts didn't explode. Not that many times in my life did my heart react that way. After puberty, it always had to do with a young girl. And like the promise of all those presents, the heart settled down after realizing it wasn't all for me. Until I met my wife, that is! All the presents under and around the tree were for me and my two brothers and two sisters. There was usually a lone, fully assembled bicycle w/o wrapping but with a Christmas bow and a note from Santa. Almost yearly if the mill hadn't been on strike for part of the year. One step forward and two steps back. I don't believe we bum rushed the pile of presents. If we had gone down at all we w...

“The closer you get to the top, the nearer you are to the bottom,” said a wise man once. I used to think that it was double speak until I started doing the 'Boating Show on TV'. It aired on the Florida Sunshine channel and almost made it onto the Speed channel. I went to the Atlantic City Boat Show to promote my product, Super Shipbottom Antifouling Bottom Paint and the television show. Someone from the Trump Atlantic City Marina and Casino offered free room and lodging in exchange for promos on our show. Very nice room, a stack of chips, fruit basket and a limo to take us to the Convention center and back each day. I even had an escort in the resort. It took a couple of days for the advertising department to figure out I was very small potatoes. The limo was first to go and then the in house escort and finally the complimentary room service but by then I was checking out. For a day and a half I was quite near the top but I knew I was riding a shrinking wave so I pl...

Taken from the Lockheed "Star", 1943: The following was written by Tech. Sgt. Robert H. Bryson, Radio Operator-Gunner, while on an unescorted mission in a B-17 Flying Fortress over North Africa. Oh, Hedy Lamarr is a beautiful gal, And Madeleine Carrol is too. But you'll find, if you query, a different theory amoungst any bomber crew. For the loveliest thing of which one could sing this side of the Heavenly Gates, is no blonde or brunette of the Hollywood set,                                                  but an escort of P-38s. Yes, in days that have passed, when the tables were massed With glasses of scotch or champagne, It's quite true that the sight was a thing to delight us, Intent upon feeling no pain. But no longer the same, nowadays, in this game, When we head north from Messlina Straights, Take the sparkling wine--every time just make this min...