Hannah's Sudden Loss

Sudden Loss

The 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' held a memorial drink fest at the Pukin' Pelican last weekend. We've been doing that a lot lately but most of the time it's for a resident who had moved off the canal to a Nursing home or a relatives house above the Mason Dixon Line.

Hard Hearted Hannah's son was a part time resident at her abode whenever he wasn't off riding his Harley or working on a fishing boat or Shrimp boat. Hard Hearted Hannah lost her son last week. Not 'can't find him lost' but Dead lost. Some of us think he took his own life but the official report has it listed as an accident.

It happened in a very dramatic manner, just off the old Tampa to Miami road, Tamiami Trail. Seems he was seated on a Mangrove leg on a remote Mangrove tree somewhere near the thousand islands. He had been camping with a female friend who speculated that suicide was his intent but didn't alert anyone for fear of losing the drugs he was providing. She later recanted that statement for the gun cleaning one claiming she has been mad at him for the accident.

If you buy into the first scenario, he appeared to be a very big loser who took the easy way out but he hadn't always been. “I raised them all then divorced the old bastard that got between my knees for all those years. Then got the hell out. After the Army and his wife booted Jeff out, I brought him to the canal so I could watch and help him,” said Hard Hearted Hannah, “and he was good for several years.”

“Too much PTSD,” said Boston Bob, “he stopped going to the VA sponsored sessions 6 months ago!”

“Never did him much good,” said Hard Hearted Hannah.

“His candle ran out of wick,” said Bob.

“He stopped shaving and I think he started self medicating after he bought his 'bike' back from the pawn shop!” Some of us knew she meant he went back on the street amphetamine of choice, Cocaine, Meth or whatever designer combo.

“It certainly was a nice send off. Those ROTC kids sure looked sharp and the folded American flag is a great memento for Mom,” said Colonel 'Run-aground Ralph.

Crazy Alice came to refill our drinks and dropped off a cheese Nacho platter, 'on the house'. She rubbed Hard Hearted Hannah's shoulder and mouthed 'sorry for your loss'. Then it was back to business. “Have you sold his Harley yet?”

Hot Tamale objected to such a crass proposal during such a solemn occasion. She spewed forth a string of Cuban profanity accompanied with a few choice English ones. Alice retreated into the kitchen. Hard Hearted Hannah followed. “No time like the present for business,” said Cap'n Crunch, “She's going to sell it sooner or later.”

“He was a nice boy,” said Hot Tamale, “He was always berry, berry nice to me.”

“I was surprised to hear he was only 39 years old. Looked a lot older but I suppose it was the Meth that did that,” said Putin' Bay Bill. He paused and reflected on his granddaughter making Meth with a boyfriend and how they shriveled right before his eyes. “I hated that 'Breaking Bad' show!”

Hard Hearted Hannah rejoined the wake, “Sold the 'bike'! Man, he loved that 'bike'. Bought it with his last reenlistment bonus. Drove it across country to his new duty station in South Carolina. Had 2 more years to make his retirement. They don't count stockade time towards retirement and I kept telling them he was screwed up but they put him right back on duty when his time was up!”

“Hard to believe some one so skilled in weaponry could 'accidentally' shoot themselves in the femoral artery while cleaning their weapon,” said Cap'n Crunch.

“He was cleaning his gun on his lap. The bullet went through the towel and into the left thigh. I know what your thinking but he didn't kill himself, end of story,” said Hard Hearted Hannah. "Drink up!"

This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. All images are merely for humor and not meant to comment on subject. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a vehicle or heavy machinery. Keep sending those great questions and comments! (Contact) boatguied@aol.com