Politics will get you banned!

“What is wrong with this country,” asked Texarkana Hanna, “why can't it be like the old days?”

“Old days like how,” asked Boston Bob, “not like when you had to keep your mouth closed because you were a woman?”

“I never kept my mouth shut and I got the false teeth to prove it,” said Hanna reaching into her mouth to pull out her choppers. “Been punched hard by many a man!” Everyone shouted; No, no, no we don't want to see!!!!!

“How often have you been Trump Groped?” 

“I'm seventy one years young and I got most of my teeth,” said Railroad Tom, “thanks to good Union contracts I had good dental care and good medical care and life insurance!”

“What happened to your brain cells? You drank most of them under the bus, didn't you?” said Cap'n Crunch.

“I raised a family, stayed with one woman until she died and I have a newer boat than you do, you old degenerate,” said Tom. “My only regret is that I was a cheapskate. I wish I'd spent more money on my family back when.”

“We all have our regrets but at least your family is sorta close. My daughter hasn't spoken to me in over ten years,” said Texarkana Hanna. “She's been with one Meth head after another and has even got two of her older kids on that shit!”

“What a fuckin' pity party this has turned into. If you wanted to be miserable, why didn't y'all stay up North,” asked Cracker Alice, the manager of the Pukin' Pelican. Although not a member, we let her sit in on occasion at her bar.

“You think it's any easier for us,” asked our twenty-something big ear waitress, “I got two kids that I get to see almost never because I got to work two jobs and I owe a gazillion dollars to some loan shark company for my rip-off college loans that I got zilch out of?”

“That is what this election is about,” said Cap'n Crunch. “We need a new government and new administrators and better Military and more jobs?”

“Funny how you skipped over the Congress,” said Boston Bob. “Or is Donny Boy going to do away with them, too?”

“He's gonna put that bitch in jail, too! And her Impeached husband and those impostors who are about to leave the White House,” said Run-aground Ralph.

“Marci, bring the check,” said Cracker Alice pointing to Boston Bob and RR, “you boys have crossed the line.” Ralph pull out his red 'Grab them hat' and stormed out with Crunchie in tow and without contributing to the pot. Bob looked convincingly contrite as he tossed down his share and went to collect his bike.

“I'll be so glad when this election is over,” said Marci. “Alice throws out half of my tables for talking Politics!” And so it should it be!  

This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. All images are merely for humor and not meant to comment on subject. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a vehicle or heavy machinery. Keep sending those great questions and comments! (Contact) boatguied@aol.com 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The End of a Fort Myers Beach Circus Connection!

Image
         When 91 year old Kel Egony passed away recently in Lee Memorial Hospital not many of his fellow Danes would ever have guessed that would be the place he would draw his final breathe. In his youth in Denmark, 14 year old Kel wanted to be an airplane mechanic but when the Germans invaded, his family insisted he change apprenticeships to became a mason.           Kel Jorgensen was too young to be conscripted by the Nazi's but old enough to work for the underground. Their jobs were especially difficult since the occupying German soldiers spoke fluent Danish after growing up in Denmark because of food shortages in Germany after the first World War. Still, his unit smuggled 3,000 Jews to neutral Sweden through enemy held territory before the war ended.            After the war, Kel and his brother Jorgen Jorgensen started a death defying circus act involving spinning around 75 feet in th...
Read more

Boating; Captain Manny Lee and Corazon Frisbee!

Image
  In response to a recent blog/column, I received a picture of the new 'Corazon Frisbee', the one year old queen of Cap'n Manny Lee's Marshall sloop sailboat named after her ; Captain Manny Lee and Corazon Frisbee are living large in the Florida Keys @ Bone Island Bob's private marina in Islamorada, Florida, mile marker 74.5. Private Charters aboard his boat from one to five passengers. Throwing the Frisbee for 'Sweetie Corazon' is no charge but remember she never quits just like her predecessor. For her birthday she received a new coconut (husk and all) along with a few other treats. The coconut husk is great dental floss. On your way through the Keys stop and say hello to Manny and Corazon. http://www.mannylee.com/index.html CAPTAIN McCLUSKY SAILING CHARTERS | 74540 Overseas Highway, Islamorada, FL 33036 | 281-508-7174
Read more

Remembering The Split Rail Restaurant?

Image
Does Anyone Else Remember The Split Rail Restaurant? It was once a favorite place for beach ppl for breakfast and lunch. Us younger members of the “Dead End Canal Yacht Club” could pull our small boats up to the rickety dock and have a beer and a few chicken wings in the late afternoon. I'm sure you've guessed that I write of a long ago era before happy hours became the rage. Circa 1990! My wife, Marion and I lived at the Boardwalk Caper which was a boater's paradise but not on the DEC. We ate breakfast often at the Split Rail and I attribute much of my heart problems to those delicious heart cloggers. Me, myself and I ate there three mornings a week for a solid 15 years because my office was on the beach. I'm not sure how many Greek immigrants began washing dishes so they could learn to bus tables then run the fryer and fry the eggs before becoming the owner but I remember a half dozen. It used to be a great way to chain migrate to America but all good...
Read more