Boating Summer

BOATING

“It is hotter than hell,” said Meadville Bobby as we sat outside of the 'Pukin Pelican' yesterday. “The temp gauge on my car said 98 degrees as I drove over here.”

“Nice breeze coming off that floor fan,” said Deleware Dave, “reminds me of the time I worked in Bethleham Steel around the Blast furnaces.”

“I like the view, nice water view,” said Cleveland Jack as he watched a boat load of tourists disembark from a Salty Scam's rental boat.

“DON”T DO THAT,” we shouted in unison as one small boy picked up the dock hose. Our warning was heeded and the little boy dropped the hose.

But the father picked it up, gave us a 'you can't tell my Son what to do look' and shot a stream at his slightly older daughter who immediatley let out a scream so loud that I'm sure the dock hand at Faulty Sham's heard it.

“Water temp must have been near boiling point,” said Delewere Dave.

Run-aground Ralph and Captain Crunch limped out the side door ahead of the manager Paulette. 

“What the fuck was that,” asked Paulette.

The father was stomping up the dock toward our table. He was angry, embarrased and cursing a blue streak. “Who is the asshole in charge,” he demanded.

“Before we point her out, what are you going to do, Tattoo?” Jack had surmised that this guy wasn't the lawyer-up kind but possibly the hit first then talk later sort.

“You were warned not to use that hose. Your son was smart enough not to do it but you just had to, didn't you,” said Meadville Bob.

“The hose is turned off,” spurted Paulette. “So it's you, why I ought to...,” stammered the Father.

“Get the little girl some ice in a wet bar towel,” I ordered our waitress. She was back in a flash and the Mom applied the cold compress. “Paulette, a round of drinks on the house!”

“For the family, okay but not for you deadbeats.” “Dead beats? You better look around inside. The six of us are over half of your buisness. You've already pissed off the new arrivals and they probably just stopped to use the bathrooms anyway,” I said snappily.

“Don't get her going. She's under a lot of pressure,” said Meadville. “The owner has the place up for sale or might lose it altogether.”

“It's summer so there is very little business. I'm going to take the hose off the spigot,” said Deleware Dave. “Oh you kiss ass,” someone shouted as the hose came off and the trickle from the leaking faucet revealed itself.

Paulette gave the family a free appetizer or two and all the free soda they could drink. We didn't get any reduction from our bill of fare but we really didn't care because Happy Hour is very fair. We are the Dead End Canal Yacht Club, not the Dead Beat Canal Yacht Club. Boat Safe!

This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. All images are merely for humor and not meant to comment on subject. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a vehicle or heavy machinery. Keep sending those great questions and comments! (Contact) boatguied@aol.com