Boating is...by boatguy Ed Fort Myers Beach is a satirical site!

Boating As a young lad I fancied myself a tough guy. I have a short history of accomplishments that mostly bears out my assumption even tho I was never as tough as some of my friends. That was 50 years ago. I set limits and stayed within. Never kicked anyone on the ground and always let them back up w/o hitting them when they were most vulnerable. I thought I was a good guy wearing a white hat, a peacemaker when I was a bouncer and I always took the underdogs side of the dust-up! Today the rules have changed. I watch the MMA cage fights and get really burned up. Those 'Frogs' fight with their feet and f+*ck with their tongues! And it is vicious and wrong. I never stood by while a defenseless combatant was pummeled like that even if it was my guy doing the pummeling! After I or my friends pulled the pummeler off, he would have the option of continuing with one of us. Never happened! That is why I am at a loss to understand who continues to kick me now that I'm down. ...

Well maybe not fired. "We've decided to go in a different direction!" Immediately after this column ran? I always figured this was the reason despite her denial. Go figure? Nearly 10 years down their drain and a lot of unhappy readers but I was happy! Boating; Religion's Big Days and Disappointments by boatguy Ed This should get a few letters. I have one absolute in my life – NO POLITICS OR RELIGION in bars. Since I'm not in a bar as I write this, that rule doesn't apply. To say I'm disappointed in ALL religions is an understatement but my biggest disappointment has to do with a member/Chaplain of the “Dead End Canal Yacht Club.” The 'Reverend' has let us down on two recent occasions. He is or has been our tea sipping designated driver and permanent Chaplain. But He's struggled with staying on the wagon lately while acting as designated boat driver. On St. Patrick's Day he volunteered to drive his tri-toon boat while a sm...

"What a bunch of CRAP," said Fighting Joe as he read the latest on Donald Trump's declaration against Senator McCain, "hero or no hero, it's all Political bullshit!" "Now we'll get the true scoop of poop from our old front line troops," said 'Nam Norm'! "I was there and proud of it," said Joe as he spit on my garage floor. The argument escalated between Norm and Joe even as I threw Joe a garage rag. He threw it back. "Wipe up your spit or get the fuck out," I shouted as I threw the rag back," this ain't the cleanest garage but if my wife saw you do that we'd never use it again!" "So settle the argument, boatguy," said Cap'n Crunch," is McCain a hero or not?" "Of course he's a hero   not because he flew combat aircraft and risked his life. Not because he was shot down and held captive. Not because he was often tortured for 5 years BUT because he turned down  o...

Boating boatguy Ed Donlin These few statistics are hard to ignore if you are a boating guy. First, 75% of the choice about which boat to buy is made by the women of the family! Second, 90% of the choice to get out of boating is made by women! Let me explain, you see the first statistic deals with the final choice between several models of boats. The female partner in the deal usually has the final choice in the brand, color scheme and equipment. That is a lot of power to have but it’s okay with me!The fact that it is a fishing boat had to be established earlier. The second statistic has to do with the reason that families get out of boating. “If Mama ain’t happy, nobodies happy,” my gray haired daddy used to say! Getting woman on the water isn’t a chore because they usually like boats but they don’t like to be uncomfortable unless they are sailor, sailors! We should plan our outings with their comfort firmly planted in our brains. We should consider any tendencies to b...

Hello Johnny, It's Payback Time. My wife is a Cleveland Browns fan because, I don't know why? She went to college in Ohio and was brainwashed by her dorm mates I guess. She isn't from Ohio and was able to escape without becoming an Ohio State fan. So when John, 'Johnny Football', Manzell started for the Browns on Sunday we had to watch. Luckily I don't go to the Bayside Bar and Grill anymore so we couldn't watch while immersed in RABID Dog Pound fans. We went to 'Fort Myers Beach Doc Fords' and had a great time eating a special football lunch, drinking iced tea and diet Coke. We had a front row seat to a TV in the corner and there were even some gentile Browns fans nearby. Everything was good except the game. “Oh my gosh,” my wife said that at least 50 times through 3 quarters. She also questioned the play calling but most vehemently questioned the play of the offensive line. “Can't they block ANYONE,” she asked almost every...

Boating is… Sailor’s Eye! By boatguy Ed “Why should I watch my hat,” Run-aground Ralph said to me as he stood on the bow of the small fishing boat. He likes the big broad brimmed straw hats that are lightweight and protect a lot of skin from the sun. I had cautioned him about putting a clip on strap between the hat and his collar but he knew better. I was very proud of myself when he was leaning over the short gunwale of the boat trying to fish out the floating hat. A sudden gust of sea breeze had come across the summer calm afternoon and caught him unprepared. Ralph glowered at me when he tried to make the soggy hat stay on his head. I just shrugged my shoulders and said, “It’s my sailor’s eye!” “Baloney, sailor’s eye, never heard of such nonsense,” grumbled Ralph as he went on casting. As I looked out on the glassy smooth water I could see the first signs of more wind moving our way. The dark patches on the shiny water were the ripples caused by wind. T...