Fort Myers Beach Pirate Quests

If the Pirates were alive today they would be so proud of their descendants. Last weekend there were real, or maybe look-alike Pirates, occupying the beach and they weren't the dressed up bunch either. At least there wasn't any charge for the admission but the parking lots were doing land office business on Saturday but not so well on Sunday because of NFL football.

There were two small blocks of booths quite willing to take the coin of the realm from you and a few food vendors plus a bagpiper and plenty of small canons to scare the tykes. Many were hoping for re-enactments of the most brutal pirate characteristics but besides a bar brawl or two, there weren't much. Truthfully, I'm not aware of any brawls but there should have been. I can only envision arguments over which Pirate's wench showed more boob or who had more inappropriate tattoos.

The 'Dead Enc Canal Yacht Club' members stayed out of the way on Saturday afternoon while Pirate ships arrived and left Snug Harbor. Pleasure boats snuck in and the measure of success was how well they docked and how little fabric covered the silicone honeys on board. Some of them even brought their children, it was a family affair, you know.

“Man, I sure do like looking at those young Mothers,” said Run-aground Ralph while he watched a young family disembark.

“Flaunt it while you got it,” Cap'n Crunch shouted. We were several boat lengths away and a cannon roared just about then. The little girls jumped and the smallest wanted to be picked up by her thong wearing Mother.

“What an illusion killer,” Detroit Dave said, “now we have to hope for a wardrobe malfunction.”

“She couldn't dance in Fantasy's in that costume,” said Run-aground Ralph, “life is so unfair.”

The Reverend dropped us off at Moss Marina's nearby dock and we went to play tourist and see if Mommy had the poor taste to put a cover up over her silicone. “My daughter-in-law has about the same and she won't stop showing them off. She wore a low cut to her Mother's funeral. I think the silicone gel seeps into the brain,” said Detroit Dave.

We abandoned the quest for the 3:30 pm. College Football games. We can successfully report that we were two tables away from the family at the upper deck at Matanzas Inn and Restaurant. They sat in the sun and Mom didn't have on a cover-up. Her little girls were wearing hats to protect them. We enjoyed our beer and she enjoyed showing off...... Wait a minute, before you call us dirty old men you must remember that this was a quest, a scientific quest! Detroit Dave may allow his grandson to someday write a thesis on the subject!

(This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a vehicle or heavy machinery. Keep sending those great questions and comments! (Contact) DeadEndCanalYC@aol.com)