Boating is...by boatguy Ed Fort Myers Beach is a satirical site!

I've never been a flag waver because I've never felt the need to confirm my Patriotism. I have my VA card to do that, if ever questioned. Likewise, I don't belong to any service clubs mostly because they smoke in them. And I wasn't ever a big green wearer on St. Pat's Day because of my red hair. If you couldn't tell I was Irish, you were blind. The non-Irish dressed up like clowns all in green. I wore just enough to piss off any Johnny Bulls I'd come across. I was never ashamed of any of it, you understand. I was accosted by a young hippie girl in the Pittsburgh Train Station the night I got out when she tried to throw a drink on me. Her aim was off because she didn't remove the lid and it went all over her as well. It was the perfect excuse to get out of my uniform and I arrived home in civvies which disappointed my Mother some. For thirty years I never thought much of my Army experience. I hadn't been permanently stationed in Vietnam ...

Boating….2004 by boatguy Ed          “This ain’t supposed to happen here,” were the words that bounced around in my head as I watched the local weather person bravely contradict NOAA about where the killer storm would landfall. For two days I had joined family and friends in the ritualistic tying up of boats, tossing pool furniture into the pool, boarding up windows and filling sandbags. But I never believed it was coming so close.             Our CBS affiliate called it first but within minutes the combined NBC/ABC team confirmed that the storm was taking an easterly turn and would impact the coast very closely to the mouth of the Caloosahatchee River. That was between 1:30 and 2 p.m. and up to that moment we were staying. We left for obvious reasons.             I can rationalize meteorologicaly why our 44-year-old streak without a major hurricane ended on Friday the 13th. The compar...

Happy Day, Mommy! Boating America’s Cup racing on Ft. Myers Beach? by boatguy Ed Can you get excited about sailing? Have you ever watched The America’s Cup on television? If the answer is yes to either of these questions then you might have enjoyed an afternoon on the bright clear water off Ft. Myers Beach last Saturday. My old “Boating Show” television co-host, Captain Roger Nodruff and I went out on his 24 foot Morgan fishing charter boat in search of our youth. We’d both been smitten with sailboat racing in our younger days and the opportunity to be so close to so many good and great sailors was too much to pass up. The occasion was the 2004 Fantasy Sail Weekend, Leukemia Cup Regatta hosted by Gary Jobson and Colgate Sailing School to benefit t he Leukemia & Lymphoma Society trying to cure leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin’s disease and myeloma, and improve the quality of life of patients and their families. Sailors from across...

"We're thinking of changing the name," the new manager of the Pukin' Pelican said to her best customers, us, the 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club members sitting at the half empty bar. "Now that Crazy Alice sold out, the staff thinks we should upgrade the image. Better clientele and better tips?"  We, (DECYC) are nearly evenly split on the subject. Some who like Crazy Alice liked the name. Others who disliked Crazy Alice don't like the name at all. Me and Boston Bob thought that the name was cute like the 'Bearded Clam' or such other clever names and double entendres. "Since they put in the pool tables the clientele has changed. I've been waiting for the mechanical bull but I suppose the place isn't that big," lamented Texarkana Hanna. We all agreed that those tables were a nuisance but they did add some small amount to the bottom line. "Crazy Alice should have stayed in the kitchen," said Erie Earl. "She blew...

How not to be a good Samaritan? I once found a pretty new boat drifting unattended in the back bay behind Fort Myers Beach. An attached bow line was wrapped around a cleat that had pulled loose from a wooden object. There was no mid-line and the boats rear cleat was missing. I put a tow line on it and called the Coast Guard. I stood by while the rubber Ducky raced towards me. Chalk that up to youthful exuberance. I'm sure the fine would be huge for any civilian boater who ran the idle speed zones that way but they could get away with it because the public safety might be involved. Which it often is from the massive wake that rubber Ducky can throw. A long time ago, a young woman was climbing out of her Choy Lee sailboat docked at the old Pearl Street Marina when youthful exuberance knocked her off the ladder and onto the cabin sole where she broke her leg and fractured her skull. Whether she was high on a combination of narcotics at the time or subsequent to her ...

We, as an organization, try never to criticize local restaurants because some of the owners and most of the employees are friendly to the “Dead End Canal Yacht Club.” Personally, individually and separately we can express any opinion. If you read this drivel regularly then you are aware of the criticism of the Pukin' Pelican which is our favorite, least favorite place on the beach. LOVE HATE RELATIONSHIP. One of our post-season visitors came with a special request, “I have to go to that BBQ place on main street to see for myself.” He produced a ream of paper with horrible reviews with a smattering of favorite reviews mixed in. “Being in the restaurant biz, I place a lot of trust in TripAdvisor. Not so much in the glowing reviews but certainly for the slam reviews.” “They're probably competitors,” I said. Boston Bob disagreed. “Didn't you tell me that 'Big Mike' the bartender at Boot Kickens replied to your 3 star rating by saying that you might get your P...

http://boatingbyboatguyed.com/ The 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' held our farewell party Saturday night. It was planned over a year ago by the entertainment committee without studying the calender. With Easter so early, this function was poorly attended because many of the people we were trying to wish ado, already ado-ed. As with most in-clubhouse functions, it was potluck. Some made baked beans, others brought Publix chicken, we made coleslaw and Buffalo wings. Columbus Charlie brought 3 dozen ears of corn because he is still miffed about our 'no farmers' membership rule. He's never been a farmer at least since he was a small boy but the rule rankles him none the less. Cap'n Crunch is the spearhead behind the developing feud. Not the one he has perpetuated about farmers even though many club members agree with him but a property line feud with Charlie. Crunchie thinks he owns the whole canal because he has a lot more money than most of us. Charlie ...