Boating is...by boatguy Ed Fort Myers Beach is a satirical site!

The clenched jawed, white haired woman said,” You aren't taking my Grandchildren 30 0r 40 miles offshore in that 24' boat!” “Mom, it's brand new, less than a hundred hours on the engine with all the safety equipment that we'll ever need,” the Son replied. “I put up with you and your Fathers' foolishness because I was outvoted but a Grandmothers vote supersedes everybody,” she retorted. I started to slink away from the 'Pukin' Pelican's bar but wasn't stealthy nor quick enough. “Tell her boatguy, you've been out there plenty and always made it back,” said the Son. “He has nothing to say about this. Everybody knows about his fool hardy escapades in small boats or sinking boats BUT he's been plain lucky,” she said with the her Grandmotherly assuredness! There it was, my out, a clear path to the door. Yes I was lucky and even luckier, I was free because she dismissed me. Did I take it, no! I sat back down and blurted out, ...

"We're in a bind here," shouted the boater from the sandbar, "can you pull us off?" In most cases any boater would gladly help another boater in distress but this case was different. The stranded vessel was completely surrounded by sand and was a good two feet from water. "How long have you been aground," we asked. "We were shelling and the water just receded," answered the young woman walking around the boat. After checking the tide chart we noticed that the next high tide was eight hours away so we explained the situation to the stranded couple and offered a solution. "We'll nose our boat into shallow water and you can wade out to us. We'll take you to the nearest dock or wherever and you can call some friends, okay?" "We can't do that, this is a rental boat and we have to have it back in an hour. Just throw us a line and give us a pull," said the young man holding a short dock line and m...

Over the Memorial Day weekend we nearly lost a member of our 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' to a boating related near miss accident. 'Minnesota Ollie' had to damage his boat to miss another vessel pulling a water skier in the back bay. If the skier hadn't let go of the rope and dove into the water, he may have been a statistic. Ollie and his boat and his passengers were soft aground at the end but the ski boat didn't inquire as to their well being. They just picked up the skier and his equipment and took the tongue lashing before speeding away. “They were very young on a very expensive little boat,” said Ollie's wife. Thankfully, a group of boats arrived to help pull Ollie's Tritoon off the sand bar. Most had been passed in a recklessness manner as they traveled North in the back bay. “What a bunch of nice people,” Ollie said. Everything looked like it worked out fine until I started getting chest pains.” “I don't know how to dri...

The Pukin' Pelican has a new manager. She is a real fireball who is going to change the old place around. Alice, the old manager was too cozy with some patrons and too remote with others. The best way to get on her side was wear a red Trump hat! The unofficial/official dismissal reason was she gave away too much stuff so she had to go. We (DECYC members) were never officially barred but it was subtly conveyed that our world view didn't line up with her's and she was the Boss! As soon as Alice was canned, large part of the customer base left, too. Less cars in the parking lot meant that we (Dead End Canal Yacht Club members) were welcome back. So we went back and met the new manager who was tending bar. “Gentlemen, welcome to the Pelican, my name is Ivy and I'm the new manager.” Such a charming Cockney accent and an attractive build for a 50 something women. She would have been an eight except for the pasty white complexion. “I think I've seen her on ...