Boating is...by boatguy Ed Fort Myers Beach is a satirical site!

Why do perfect strangers feel it is proper to grill perfect strangers with questions that would seem inappropriate anywhere else? Recently there was an article in the New York Times that asked a similar question; Subjects of questions that would make the questioner an asshole in any other part of our country? One of the subjects was 'how much do you pay for rent.' Okay, I get it! New York strangers are afraid they are getting screwed on their rent so it's okay to get that personal with other newly acquainted New York strangers. Everybody knows New Yorkers from the 5 boroughs are pushy. But why do so many mid-westerners ask so many inane questions? Are they hopeful they may run into a long lost relative of a grade school classmate? “Where are you from,” usually is accompanied with, “nobody is from here!” And why do they get offended when a question is asked in return, “How would that information benefit you?” Another one is, “How can you stand NOT having ...

We watched in amazement as Erie Earl and Erie Barb carried objects out of their house and into their mammoth motor home. It was a casual pace to be sure but steady. 'Minnesota Mike' (not to be confused with Wisconsin Mike or BIG MIKE who tends bar at the Boot Kicken) was first to comment; “Pretty early to start packing, ain't it?” “I got vines to tend for my wine,” Earl shouted back. Yes Earl is retired Electrician and a working farmer. He works harder on the wine that he ever did on the electricity but he enjoys giving away the wine. “I don't drink the stuff, I'm a wine connoisseur but I prefer Genesee Cream Ale.” “Farmers? I thought we banned all farmers after we booted 'Cincinnati Dave',” said Cleveland Robinson. Wrong nimrod. We banned 'Cincinnati Dave' and only 'Cincinnati Dave' because he was the worst boat driver we've ever had. After he ran into each and every one of our boats, he'd just shrug and say, ”This gu...

“What special delights are you doing for St. Pats Day,” We've been asking all our old haunts. Pukin' Pelican is roasting a 'drunk as paddy's pig' with Famine Potatoes and deep fried Cabbage. Sounds yummy! Most everyone else is serving the 'traditional non-Irish meal.' The American Legion is serving Corned Beef and Cabbage to everyone with the price of admission as well as most other places. Boot Kicken is putting together the same but with green beer because they don't know better. When the Irish emigrated to America they brought with them a love of potatoes and Pork. Only the most wealthy American Irish, and there were damned few, could afford Ham. So the new Americans adopted a meat popular with the, just as poor, Jews corned beef. Cabbage was added because it was easy to cook ans couldn't be overcooked. The Cabbage absorbed the flavor of the beef. Any piece of beef could be corned or cured. Refrigeration was expensive and unreliab...

Penalty Flags! Sponsored by... The 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' meeting last Sunday saw nearly a half dozen penalty flags and nearly $50 in fines levied. The outstanding fines are approaching a cool million so thees new ones will probably not be paid either. $6.50 of the fine total was for swearing and those were paid immediately less the swearer be ejected. The remaining fines and the penalty flags were all for arguing over Politics or Religion. When we were younger, there were actual fisticuffs in the club house and one long time banned member destroyed my 13” TV while attacking another. I dare not point fingers at fellow members. But if you've been paying attention to the televised debates, especially the last couple, you'll have an idea the rancor among the politicians. It was inevitable that it would spill over to us less educated viewers. The following is a non-verbatim report of the exchanges that nearly came to blows; Run-aground Ralph w...

Boating is...by boatguy Ed Fort Myers Beach: The Art of Docking This blog/column is meant for educational purposes only.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.   Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a vehicle or heavy machinery. Keep sending those great questions and comments! (Contact) boatguied@aol.com