Boating is...by boatguy Ed Fort Myers Beach is a satirical site!

I've been MIA from the Pukin' Pelican for almost a month since the Boot Kicken place opened up and had $1.50 drafts all day on happy hour. Now, only my Pabst Blue Ribbon is that price while all other drafts have been raised to $2.50 from 3pm to 6pm. The happy hour food has been realigned, too. Season is almost here, you know! So I've been pretty lonely drinking my PBR. But everyone who goes there is pretty lonely because the weather has been lousy. That is about to change because the view is very good of Hurricane Bay. The snowbirds and tourists will fill the place after Columbus Day if the weather warms up and the sun shines. And I'll be back at the Pukin' Pelican or sitting on my boat. The Channel Mark was often considered to be the off-site clubhouse for the Boardwalk Caper and other nearby condo residents. I'm not sure the newest owners of the present business is aiming at those customers. Hell, a lot of them are so old they've given up on...

Buzz O'Malley liked his alcohol. After all he was Irish as McGinty's limp. His wife would meet the boat and wait for the count before carrying off most of the money. Buzz would sit on the dock with the other fishermen, drink beer and tell stories for a few hours before calling his wife for a ride. He loved his family and was a good provider and good father, when he was around. Buzz's real weakness was fighting. He got his nickname for fighting like a buzz saw when he was a tough young man and he turned into a tougher older man. "I'm four years younger than the century," Buzz said to a rowdy, drunken young man sitting at his bar, "but I'll whup the hide off of you if you don't leave presently!" The local Deputy brought him home more than once. He was a legend among street fighters. Everyone knew him to be a loyal southerner with the confederate battle flag on all of his pick-up trucks, a baptized Baptist, not more racist than the next guy...

“What's the name of this new place,” asked Pensacola Slim as we went under the Hurricane pass bridge on the Reverends tri-toon. “Boot Kickers or something,” said Boston Bob. “They've been open about a month now and there hasn't been any good weather since New Years so we havan't been here yet!” Some of us have but I didn't speak up. “Well, this is our old clubhouse,” said Slim, “the Channel Mark thrice removed!” Rev docked in front of the old restaurant because the tide was ripping through the narrow 'Hurricane Pass'. The shallow pontoon boat would have been nearly impossible to maneuver into a soft landing. And I have several crashes on tape from years ago and the Rev didn't want to make the highlight reel. We all bounded off the boat and onto the outside deck where we found a table large enough to suit our group. “I love this place,” said Boston Bob. And we waited while several other small parties were seated. “It's Saturday a...

"The Alley" "O'Malley's Alley" is one of the few bars on Estuary Beach that hasn't evolved to be 'touristy.' The owner didn't care what you do for a living or are retired from as long as you behave. They've welcomed working men and women for nearly 30 years along with every character on the island. When the city evolved, that didn't endear them to the 'newcomer' city council. And it all started in the early 1960's when a group of local real estate brokers and developers joined together to form a grocery co-op. The civic-minded group wanted to have a modern facility to serve their growing but isolated community. A mid-60's hurricane doomed that plan and the store was vacant for several years. Patrick 'Buzz' O'Malley retired from commercial fishing and approached the owners of the vacant grocery store about opening a bar in part of the building. The owners insisted he lease the whole building with...

Two incidents of armed piracy against sailing vessels reported in the Caribbean in the last 10 days have prompted an Ocean Cruising Club (OCC) warning. OCC Commodore John Franklin has issued an alert to vessels sailing in waters between Trinidad and Tobago and Grenada. In the last 10 days there have been reports of two incidents of piracy against sailing vessels north of Trinidad. Both took place in daylight and involved local (assumed Venezuelan) 18-20 ft pirogues with powerful outboard engines (120-130 HP). Each craft had five or six pirates aboard, several of them armed with assault rifles and each craft carried a spare powerful outboard and additional fuel in barrels. Commodore Franklin said: ‘The OCC Port Officer in Trinidad, Jesse James, is heavily involved with the Trinidad and Tobago Government, the Coast Guard, the Yacht Service Association of Trinidad and Tobago (YSATT), the Ministry of Tourism and other bodies to combat this threat. ‘I am making represen...

It's January in Southwest Florida so the windows are closed, the jackets are donned and us locals don't care to sit outside during happy hour. The prediction of 73 degrees at 3pm is shivering me timbers. Still, as I look across the canal at Cap'n Crunch's house I see small children swimming in his pool. They are visitors from Germany through AirBnB.  The Cap'n and his wife are living in his 44' motor home on his front lawn. We let him park it on our wide driveway last winter but he became such a pain that we didn't extend the invitation. In years past he could have stayed on his 44 foot boat but when he swallowed the anchor for the open road, the boat became a memory and a smaller version took it's place. Most of us on the canal don't mind the sound of laughing and chattering children even if it is in German. A few protest but since there isn't a homeowners association, they can't change shit! “All we want is peace and quiet,” said ...

From my Facebook page; "I reiterate, ND belongs in the Ivy League or the military league. It is very difficult to compete with CFB teams whose players spend all their time in the weight room rather than the classroom. I long for the days of the old academic Collegiate Bowls when hard Q's were asked. I am sure that OSU's offensive line could compete but ND's secondary would dominate!" I didn't have to read it in the FMB "Fish Wrappers" about the un-brawl-like time at the Pukin' Pelican. Ohio State dominated as they were expected. Chicago Mike Farrell would've been lower than a Leprechaun's knee. Boston Bob, the professional ball buster, didn't even have to root for Ohio State, they didn't need the help.  I'm sure Mike snuck out the side door half way through the 4th quarter to avoid the celebration. He went by on the canal without his ND flag flying from his boat's antennae.   All in all I think the bowl...