Boating is...by boatguy Ed Fort Myers Beach is a satirical site!

Boston Bob has been in a real bad mood recently because of the downturn in tips from airport rides. “All season we were averaging 18 % but now it has fallen off to a 8 or 9% because the cheap people are flying,” he bemoaned. “They fly down on a discount ticket, stay at a friend or relatives free place and think that the airport transportation is way to expensive.” “Sounds like blow boaters,” Erie Earl said as he was packing his van for the trip north. BB wasn't in the mood for sarcasm and let out a string of blue language before storming off. “That will be $2.25 fine Bob,” I said.   The 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' fines members $.25 for every swear word they use in the clubhouse. Since Erie Earl was packing up his beach chairs that we sometimes used as meeting furniture, BB was technically in the club house. If we collected all the fines we could build a free standing clubhouse.   No one expects that ever to happen but just the threat of the fine wi...

DO NOT CONFUSE THE PUKIN' PELICAN WITH NEW "PELICAN BAY RESTAURANT!" They aren't all gone but the majority of the 'snow birds' have returned to the north. Glad to see you go and we will welcome you back in the fall. Please take a driving course while your gone. Anyway, some of the local biz will suffer. Boatyards will lay-off workers, restaurants will try to discount their way through the off-season and grocery stores will just hang in there. The goodwill sewn in the winter will bear fruit this summer. The 'Pukin' Pelican has lived on the snow birds. They were packed most happy hours because of daily food specials and cheap draft beer. If they can sustain this, they will be alright but they've also sewed some discontent. Several popular employees have been let go or quit and there has begun a backlash against there management style. Is there a boycott? Not an organized boycott but just a bunch of people deciding en mass not to frequent the ...

"You'd better talk to this guy," my wife/biz partner/CEO-CFO said to me as I was taking a nap in my office. I'm retired so naps are allowed. "Hello, this is Ed, I make the paint, how can I help you?" "The weather has broke her in Boston and I need my paint (Super Shipbottom) fast. The lady says I need to wait but I can't," said the nervous voice on my phone. "Why not," I asked. He described a sudden warm spell, his involvement in the U.S. CG Auxiliary and the imminent arrival of rubber-necking relatives. "I have to have my boat in the water in only a few days," he said. This is a problem because we ship from Florida and he is near Boston. We can't overnight the paint because it is HazMat. "This in not good," he said. Just at that moment Marion arrived with his file. "Sir, I see by the file we have that you have ordered every year for the last five years, is that correct?" "Yeah and i...

http://www.cnn.com/2013/04/23/us/boston-attacks-boat-owner/index.html?hpt=hp_c2 An exclusive interview by a local anchor with the hero boater who now needs a new boat but doesn't want any help!

Just got a Twitter account, can you believe it. I can Tweet updates if you follow this blog @boatguyEd.

As head of the "Dead End Canal Yacht Club" entertainment committee I am always bombarded with request to find new and even more exciting Fort Myers Beach happy hour places. Now that the majority of our (regular and social) member have gone North, I am getting additional requests for restaurants that DON'T exist. On Google search they can find 'ghost restaurants' like Hurricane Harry's that now is a cab stand at the foot of the sky bridge. It never opened despite remodeling the building to fit their motif which couldn't have been cheap. The previous owners had lava and mirrors on the ceiling and walls in the bar area. Not waterfront but the other two are. Through the grapevine I understand that there was a development order granted for the property and the county of Lee wouldn't give them a Certificate of Occupancy (CO) until Harry built a motel. If this is true and I'm only quoting the grapevine so I'm not sure but if it is, wow. I've ...

“I think I need to re-pack my stuffing box,” said Boston Bob. “I've never had so many drips.” “How can a sailboat-er know one drip from the other,” answered Cap'n Crunch. He doesn't like sailboat-ers because he claims they force him out of the channel. “Screw you Crunchy. I've changed the packing in many sailboats but this is somy new sailboat and I'm a little apprehensive,” said BB. Let me give you a little background. BB's son lived in New York City, Manhattan is the expensive part, don't you know. Anyway, in 2008 he was let go from his Marketing position at a big firm. Bob expected his son to move out of Manhattan to cut his expenses but he didn't. New York unemployment being what it is, the son could have lived nicely in another part. The kid needed money so Bob depleted his savings, took a job driving an airport taxi and finally sold his boat just so the kid could live in Manhattan. We all suspected that Mrs. BB was behind a lot of th...

A stroll outside in their own backyard for some fresh air after a long day focused on the escaped Marathon Bomber. Husband notices that his boat cover has come loose so he investigates. Spotting blood and a cut strap, he looks in and comes face to face with the 'suspect'. I don't beleive there were any pleasant exchanges because the boating pair raced off to tell the police and the terrible chase came to an end. Some shots were fired but there is no word on the damage to the 20 something boat. More later. Boatguy Ed ( boatguiEd@aol.com) is a manufacturer of the worlds BEST anti-fouling bottom paint, www.supershipbottom.com . NEVER, EVER TRY TO BUY HIM A DRINK! T his blog/column is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.

Boating; Terrorists in My Boat A boat owner noticed blood on the driveway leading to the boat in the backyard and went to look! THEY GOT THE BASTARD! Boatguy Ed ( boatguiEd@aol.com) is a manufacturer of the worlds BEST anti-fouling bottom paint, www.supershipbottom.com . NEVER, EVER TRY TO BUY HIM A DRINK! T his column is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Do not read while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.

As the Anchor Drags; The continuing story of life, love, laughter and the American dream of chucking it all and joining the “Dead End Canal Yacht Club.” This serial is sometimes called a Soap Opera but through the years we've come to know it as the daily machinations of 'over and under' developed egos. Sure there is sex, drugs and rock and roll involved because most of us grew up during that era but we've matured, sort of? For instance; Several weeks ago as our 'snow bird' members planned their escape, several tried to push through a 'dues' moratorium for themselves. “Why can I suspend my cable, my gym membership and telephone but I have to pay my dues just as if we were sitting around sweating with you bums,” asked Toledo Tim and his wife. “ Tim, that is how the dues were set up. It's annual or monthly and you pay monthly because you want the newsletter e-mailed to you. If you don't want the privileges just don't pay your dues,” I...

Bowing to political pressure, the cruise line Carnival Corp. said this week it is willing to repay the U.S. government an unspecified amount for the costs to taxpayers for responses to disabling accidents on its Triumph and Splendor cruise ships.  Carnival released on Monday the following statement on the reimbursement: “Carnival Corporation is in the process of voluntarily submitting payment to the U.S. Treasury Department to reimburse the federal government for costs related to the Carnival Triumph and Splendor incidents. It should be clearly noted that at no point in time has Carnival stated it would refuse to reimburse federal agencies if they sought remuneration. Although no agencies have requested remuneration, the company has made the decision to voluntarily provide reimbursement to the federal government.” U.S Senator Jay Rockefeller (D-W Va.) estimated the Coast Guard's costs in dealing with the crippled Triumph earlier this year at nearly $780,000. The 2...

Sweet Eileen at Nauti Turtle. Great setting and view. Call 239-765-1100 for her work schedule. Best to go by boat! Don't ask me why they don't have a web site or Facebook page, ask them? View Dolphins playing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uA29DAo4yyI&lc=99SheP-4nXG8IXemRtPEj43qUyarn6e2J9hpI7z6aC0

So Long 'Michigan Bert and Ohio Ernie!' Another pair of snowbirds pulled out of Fort Myers Beach. “Dead End Canal Yacht Club” honorable members Michigan Bert and Ohio Ernie headed North last Friday. It could be Ohio Bert and Michigan Ernie because they live on the border of those two 'great' states and are back and forth whenever they aren't on San Carlos Island. Bert is a staunch Union man who retired many years ago. He is pro workers unlike many 'DECYC' members. They have many, many grandchildren that demand their attention. They dated in high school and married soon after. I think they said one of the new grand-teens is in a musical play and others are graduating from various school grades. Then there is the lake house that needs refreshing from the long winter nap. Docks and boats need launched so they'll be busy. “Maybe we'll see you next year,” said Bert at the informal going away party. Why maybe, I asked but there wasn't any...

HOUSTON — Three men were brought to safety by a good Samaritan after the men's shrimp boat caught fire just north of the South Galveston Jetty , Friday. The captain of the shrimp boat Angel Lady called the watchstander at Coast Guard Sector Houston-Galveston at 10:04 a.m., reporting that the shrimp boat Capt. Hunter was on fire with three people aboard. The Coast Guard Cutter Manta was diverted and a boatcrew from Station Galveston was launched to assist. The station boatcrew arrived in about 10 minutes, but before they arrived on scene, a good Samaritan aboard a pleasure craft rescued the three crewmembers in distress. The tug Lamar arrived on scene at 11:16 a.m. and extinguished the fire. "Fire is one of the most dangerous things that can happen to a boat out on the water," said Lt. Brian Sullivan, the command duty officer of Sector Houston-Galveston. "The fact that a good Samaritan put themselves in such a risky position to save lives is somethin...

Should there be water on the cabin sole? By boatguy Ed Have you ever been aboard a sinking boat? Not a question one wants to answer, or even wants to contemplate, if the answer is yes. Taking on water is a form of sinking. A great number of us are within that category. Who hasn't forgot to put in the drain plug at the launch ramp? It's embarrassing to have to beach the boat or race back to the ramp for the plug. Most of us made it but forgetting the drain plug is a big cause of boats sinking at the dock or underway according to the insurance industry. Several years ago an inventor came up with an alarm that could be inserted into the drain and would alert the boater that the transom drain was open to the sea. I found one product on the clearance shelf called Smart Plug Drain Plug and Alarm. West Marine had nothing like this and I suspect it is either because it was hard to instal or a pain to use. You guys at Smart Plug Drain Plug and Alarm should let me know? ...

The boatguy has the crud. More tomorrow. And today is tomorrow a day later. I've had this stuff going on 3 weeks. Worse than any flu I've ever had because it lingers and weakens the old boatguy. Slept 16 hours yesterday and wanted to go back to sleep after the morning news. But today I am fighting it. May be gone soon. I hope! Sweet Eileen @ Nauti Turtle

Boating is...Easter Break and them Peeps. By boatguy Ed Easter/Spring break came at us like a runaway freight train. There were so many rug rats on the canal that the entire atmosphere changed from old and stogy to whiny and energetic. No one fell in the canal or needed medi-vaced off the canal so it was a great time. I don't know how long they were here, some may still be here, because it was a blur. Grandma's cooked more and cleaned more than they thought they could. Grandpa's worked tirelessly to entertain un-entertain-able grand kids. The beach was the blessing if you could get the little darlings off their electronic devices. Most of the preteens can type with their thumbs faster than the best stenographer. The 'Dead End Canal Yacht Club' club house became the refuge for the us all because we had an unofficial rule against bringing little ones into the house. The rule was often broken but they were always escorted by their fathers l...

Sure the weather is constantly changing but there are enough warm days to get our blood boiling. Late Spring and Summer is true boating season in the North East and Florida. The Dead End Canal Yacht Club is preparing for our annual Dry Tortugas May adventure. "My 20% will have to be renamed to My 16.66% since we took on a sixth partner. It's a terrible name. No class like the old one so we're holding a contest for a new classier one. I'm at a loss but hopeful. We've got a weekend scrub party planned and we'll wash her and clean the inside until it's ready to occupy. Then we'll haul the old girl for compound and wax and a quick one coat bottom paint with my 'Super' Shipbottom hard ablative bottom paint. One coat and a second on the waterline is good for a year. Three seasons if you haul your boat. Our second set of wheels (props) are out being tuned up by Coastal Prop Technology and we'll re-install them as soon as she comes out of the ...

I have a favorite product, actually products because they are made by different companies but are quite similar. One is called Corrosion Block and the other is Boeshield. Since I have a can of Corrosion Block sitting on my desk as I write this, I'll concentrate on it. It's not a coincidence that it is sitting there. Several days ago I spilled a liquid onto my keyboard and that normally spells the end of these circuit board devices. I know that I shouldn't have liquid around computers but we all do, don't we. No? Oh you're so perfect. So, after the liquid hit the keyboard, I immediately disconnected it and immersed it in water. I intended to let it dry out for a few days but I had to work and didn't have a replacement. Reluctantly, because I'm still a 'Doubting Thomas', I dried he board the best I could with a towel and a portable hair dryer. And even though I could see a little moisture between the keys, I sprayed the board liberally the...

Boating is...Waiting for the waterway to clear! There are two simple solutions to the danger we face ont the waterway. 1 License Boaters 2 Mandatory Boater Education What do you think?